C. Communicating Effectively ICF Competency #5 Active Listening - Ability to focus completely on what the client is saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression a.
Attends to the client and the client's agenda, and not to the coach's agenda for the client
b.
Hears the client's concerns, goals, values and beliefs about what is and is not possible
c.
Distinguishes between the words, the tone of voice, and the body language Summarizes, paraphrases, reiterates, mirrors back what client has said to ensure clarity and understanding
d.
Competencies in Action: The Academies’ Suggestions of How This Competency Might Look in Coaching Listen not just for the client’s words, but what’s not being spoken, as well as the energy/emotion behind the words. Respond in a manner that allows the client to articulate what is true and uplifting for him/her. a. Filter what you hear through the client’s agenda (the agenda/goal for the coaching call as well as the overall capital “A” agenda). Silently ask yourself, “as I listen, am I trying to figure out how to get the client to think/believe in a way that agrees with me, or in a way that takes the client to a place of his/her highest truth and good?” b. Acknowledge the unspoken. For example, “As you say that, what comes across is your sincere commitment to building a solid network, even with the present challenges associated with it.” Or, “Your actions suggest you’ve given your power away on this situation, as if it’s impossible to change … What would need to change to make this possible?” c. “You say you want to take on that project but the energy in your voice seems to be indicating otherwise. What’s the truth there?” d. Alternate these techniques (summarizing, paraphrasing, reiterating, mirroring). Avoid repeated use of reiterating or mirroring so that it doesn’t sound like you’re parroting everything the client says. A summary might sound like this: “So, in summary, you want to network with greater confidence?” Mirroring often works well when the client is trying to make a decision, as it allows reflection on what they’ve just said. Examples of these techniques: Client: I work now in a customer support role, but I always thought it would be great to be in more of a management role. Coach: What would be great about that? Client: Freedom to be creative, freedom to lead, freedom to train, freedom to really leverage people’s strengths … Coach: [reiterates] A lot of freedom. Client: Yes. And I think the teaching piece might be huge. Before I started here, I had a career in retail management where I managed dozens of people … I miss developing people, their skills, their careers. Leveraging their strengths, tapping their passions, honoring their values, aligning their work with their type – I love to watch people grow and succeed. Coach: What’s amazing, the way you rattle off naturally the different divisions of what someone needs in their career – [summarizing] their strengths, passions, values -- I couldn’t rattle it off because it’s not my strength, but it’s so clear from your natural abilities, this is something that is kind of organic for you. That’s the sense I got. What are your thoughts? Client: I think you’re right. Those are the things that get me jazzed up. Those are the things that are fun.
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
8
Coach: You used some amazing words. [mirroring] Like creativity, fun, jazzed up… there’s a real natural energy that you bring when you talk about this. Client: And you know it’s funny because working now in a support role, I can’t say I don’t like it, because I’m being treated very well, but I miss those things. Coach: [paraphrasing] I hear them missing … as if the joy is gone. e. f.
g. h.
Encourages, accepts, explores and reinforces the client's expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs, suggestions, etc. Integrates and builds on client's ideas and suggestions
"Bottom-lines" or understands the essence of the client's communication and helps the client get there rather than engaging in long descriptive stories Allows the client to vent or "clear" the situation without judgment or attachment in order to move on to next steps
e. f.
g. h.
Expression of feelings: “What was that experience like?” Perceptions: “What’s your perception of this circumstance? … How would you say others perceive it?” Concerns/beliefs: “Say more about your concerns.” “What are your thoughts about _____?” “You mentioned doing some product development research before approaching that prospective employer. What topics would be important to them or address pressing needs that are aligned with the organization’s vision?” “Last week [or, a few minutes ago], you talked about wanting to involve your network more … what might that look like on this project?” “So, bottom line, you need your team to trust one another.” Or, “What’s the bottom line on that?” Or “How about just hitting the bullet points on that?” “Take some time to vent about that if it would help. Turn up the volume if you need.” [give space for this to happen, then…] “Ready to move forward?”
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
9
C. Communicating Effectively ICF Competency #6 - Powerful Questioning - Ability to ask questions that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to the coaching relationship and the client
Competencies in Action: The Academies’ Suggestions of How This Competency Might Look in Coaching Powerful questions are oftentimes questions that clients have not thought of that shift them into a place of possibility, personal power, learning, and action. Frequently, powerful questioning takes the client into the future, to a place where they can create the ideal. Powerful questioning also takes clients into a place of choice, especially when they feel stuck or think they do not have choices. A few cautions when it comes to powerful questioning: 1) Avoid an over-reliance on questions in the coaching conversation. It should be a dialogue, not a Q&A delivered in an interrogative fashion! And, 2) use discernment: find the balance between asking curiosity questions vs. “solution” questions (questions that gather more info than is necessary because coach has shifted into problem-solving mode) or even “snoopy” questions (unnecessary detail questions that are asked simply because the conversation has piqued the coach’s human nature).
a.
Asks questions that reflect active listening and an understanding of the client's perspective
a.
Link your questions to your client’s statements, like a Slinky Toy moving from stair-step to stairstep. For example: Client: “This situation at work is such a mess … it’s definitely not what I need right now.” Coach: “What do you need right now?” Avoid language that includes “I” or “me” such as this: Coach: “I would like to talk more about your thoughts on…” Or, “Tell me what you mean by…” Instead, consider this language: Coach: “Say more about your thoughts on…” or simply “Say more.”
b.
Asks questions that evoke discovery, insight, commitment or action (e.g., those that challenge the client's assumptions)
b.
“What’s the question that needs answered?” “What else?” “What are you curious about in all of this?” “What’s the truth about that? What would your closest friend/biggest fan say is true?” “If your colleagues or manager were to give you anonymous feedback that was completely candid, what might they say about that? … What might be hard to hear?” “There are a number of ‘I can’ts’ in that description … what would it look like if you could? … Who would you need to become to make that happen?” “What values do you want to honor as you consider this decision?” “As you think about the legacy you want to leave, how will that influence your actions?” “What do you know about yourself that will enable you to manage this challenge?” “What are some different perspectives on that? … Which would serve you best?” “How is this problem ‘perfect?’ [if client needs clarification on this question: “In other words, this problem has shown up at a point in your life when you’re ready to meet the challenge. So what is it giving you an opportunity to experiment with or practice more of?” “What else would be helpful for you to know about that topic? … How would you go about getting that information?”
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
10
“What’s becoming [more] clear to you?” “What’s not being said here?” “What are your insights on this matter?” “What would it take to be relentlessly committed to this?” “What would be the ideal action to take?” Inquiry questions: “What is it to honor your values in your career?” “What are you saying ‘yes’ to as you move forward?” “What does it mean to you to have a rewarding career?” For clients facing changes and challenges: “There’s lots of emotion there. It’s clear this is a challenging time, with many changes on the horizon … what do you need to be your best right now?” “What will you be saying ‘goodbye’ to? How about ‘hello’?” “How about a higher-level or longer-term perspective … what does it look like from a 30,000-foot viewpoint … or as part of a five-year trajectory?” “As you look to the future, what do you want to create?” “If you take yourself into the future a year from now and see yourself successfully settled—the transition is over, and you’ve come out stronger because of it—what are the beliefs and actions you’ve taken to get where you are?”
c.
Asks open-ended questions that create greater clarity, possibility or new learning
c.
If client says “I don’t know?” you might ask: “What do you know to be true?” “What piece of this is clear?” “If you did know, what would the answer be?” “How will you go about knowing?” “What’s your sense on the timing on this . . . when do you think that will become clear?” “What needs to transpire to feel as though you do know?” Open-ended questions often begin with “What…” or “How…” Be careful about starting questions with “Why…” as “why” has the potential of making the client sound like they’ve done something wrong or putting the client on the defensive. Avoid closed-ended (yes-or-no) questions that start with “Is,” “Are,” “Do,” “Can,” “Will,” or “Have you.” Many times, closed-ended questions will “lead the witness” (sometimes referred to as a “sugquestion,” meaning a suggestion that is masked as a question) and call for an answer that you want the client to come to. For example, avoid: “Can you see how doing xyz will help you achieve your goal?” Instead, ask: “What outcome would xyz have on your goal?”
d.
Asks questions that move the client towards what they desire, not questions that ask for the client to justify or look backwards
d.
Avoid compound questions or questions that are convoluted or go on too long. Sometimes a simple “What else?” can be very effective. Looking forward questions: What do you want to create? [vs. what am I supposed to do?] What do you want the future to look like?
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
11
What does the ideal look like? What would operating from a position of personal power/choice look like? What do you want to come away from that meeting/call with? How would the ideal you—the woman [man] of courage and strength—act in that situation? What triggers will you be on the look-out for to stay focused on your intentions? Looking backwards questions (avoid): NO: Why do you think you do that? (instead: What would it look like if you didn’t do that?) NO: Where does that come from? NO: What patterns do you typically fall into? (instead: What triggers do you want to be aware of and how do you want to respond to those?)
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
12
C. Communicating Effectively ICF Competency #7 Direct Communication - Ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions, and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the client
a.
Is clear, articulate and direct in sharing and providing feedback
Competencies in Action: The Academies’ Suggestions of How This Competency Might Look in Coaching Clients need “truth tellers” in their lives—people (e.g., you, the coach) who will speak truth and not just what the client might want to hear. How we say it is critical. Words are powerful. Our words have the capacity to either empower or enervate clients. Ask yourself, does this question/comment allow the client to be in a place of peace and possibility, or does it cause a “fight-flight-or-freeze” defensive response? For example, instead of saying “that’s been a problem area for you in the past,” consider saying, “that’s a ‘calling forth’ area that you’ve been focusing on and making progress in.” a.
b.
Reframes and articulates to help the client understand from another perspective what he/she wants or is uncertain about
b.
c.
Clearly states coaching objectives, meeting agenda, purpose of techniques or exercises
c.
d.
Uses language appropriate and respectful to the client (e.g., non-sexist, non-racist, non-technical, non-jargon)
d.
e.
Uses metaphor and analogy to help to illustrate a point or paint a verbal picture
e.
Consider taping (with client’s permission) one of your coaching calls, then reviewing it with a mentor coach (with client’s permission). Are the coach’s questions simple and straightforward or are they “compound questions” or “stacked question” (multiple questions at once—the client can generally only focus on the last question asked). Are the coach’s comments direct or do they “beat about the bush.” Is feedback shared openly and respectfully? For example, “May I share what I’m hearing? I sense that this isn’t the courageous part of you speaking.” (Reserve asking permission for sensitive areas.) “I truly hear your concern … A question is coming to mind, and I’d like to ask it in support of you: How might this problem be perfect?” [if client seems confused by the question, ask] “Does the question make sense? … In other words, what have you learned about yourself that will allow you to manage this successfully?” To clearly state the coaching objective or meeting agenda, at the beginning of coaching call, ask: “What’s important to focus on today?” [Or, “What would you like coaching on?” Or, “What’s on your mind today?”] If the client doesn’t also state what he/she wants to accomplish from the call, ask, “What would you like to come away from today’s call with?” [Or, “Got it—you’d like to focus on clarifying your vision for the new project. Ideally, what would you specifically like to accomplish today?”] To communicate the purpose of a technique or exercise, you might say: “Are you up for trying out a new exercise that might bring some different perspective on that situation?” … “Yes? OK, here’s how it works …” If you are uncertain about what wording to use, ask the client: “I want to be respectful of that situation and yet I’m not certain how best to describe it. What language would be most appropriate when talking about that?” Example of metaphor: “It’s like building a dream home on an earthquake fault line … not very stable!” Ask the client to contribute his/her own metaphor for a situation: “What metaphor comes to mind for you as you think about that situation?”
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
13
