B. Co-Creating the Relationship ICF Competency #3 Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client - Ability to create a safe, supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust
Competencies in Action: The Academies’ Suggestions of How This Competency Might Look in Coaching The client will experience trust and intimacy when the coach believes completely that the client is a “being of brilliance” with unlimited potential. Also, clients experience trust and intimacy when they can share their hopes, dreams, disappointments, and frustrations, without fear of being judged or exposed at some later point in the relationship.
a.
Shows genuine concern for the client's welfare and future
Coaches can create trust by • Believing wholly that each and every client is brilliant, has the answers needed to live their highest and best good, and can conquer areas of life that have as-yet been unfulfilled, • Walking in “humble confidence”—demonstrating masterful coaching skills without requiring praise or recognition from the client (it’s about them, not you!), • Acting selflessly (keeping the conversation focused on the client, sharing personal information only as it supports the client’s ongoing development, and facilitating the conversation with the client’s higher agenda in mind), • Ensuring confidentiality (mentioning this in pre-coaching written agreements as well as verbalizing this at the beginning of the coaching) • Being consistently professional and trustworthy (client can count on you to do what you say you will do; any negative emotions are kept in check even when you’re experiencing stress) a. “Joan, my commitment is to see you continue on a path of success and significance.” “John, as your coach, I am committed to your growth, not your goals. Does that sound odd? … What I mean is that goals can come and go or change, which is fine. What’s more important is that you continue to expand your capacity to grow and become all that you dream of being, doing, and having in this world.”
b.
Continuously demonstrates personal integrity, honesty and sincerity
b.
“Jane, I hear your heart in this. I’m truly concerned about your success as you emerge from this transition and land well. What do you need to be your best during this time?” Integrity: Coach is consistent in personal integrity 24/7, even “when no one is looking.” Coach cannot be swayed toward thinking or acting in a manner that is inconsistent with his/her personal values. Honesty: Honesty can be manifested on many planes. Be honest about yourself, admitting your humanness when appropriate (“John, forgive me, I got distracted as you were saying that. Could you repeat what you just said?”) Be honest in your communication with the client (“John, it sounds like there’s a disconnect between your words and your emotions.”) Be honest in your responses to situations (“Wow, John, as you say that, I get this feeling that there’s a potential volcano that might erupt if some action isn’t taken.”) Sincerity: Sincerity stems from a heart that genuinely respects and honors the client. Reminding yourself of the client’s successes, creativity, and resourcefulness can help you to live in a place of
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
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c.
Establishes clear agreements and keeps promises
c.
d.
Demonstrates respect for client's perceptions, learning style, personal being
d.
e.
Provides ongoing support for and champions new behaviors and actions, including those involving risk taking and fear of failure Asks permission to coach client in sensitive, new areas
e.
f.
f.
respect and honor toward those you coach. “Jane, I will ask you to stretch to try on new ways of thinking and being. You, of course, have options … to accept the stretch request, alter it, or decline.” Coach follows through on stated intentions (e.g., if you say you are going to email the client by the end of the day, email by the end of the day). “John, you mentioned that you’re a visual learner. That being the case, share what your ideal vision of what a great position looks like for you … What image(s) [or colors] come up for you as you see that? … What else do you see?” “Jane, applause on your wins listed in your prep form. You showed a real commitment to exploring courageous ways of reaching out to meet new people and network.” “John, may we explore that a bit?” ”Jane, one of your career goals in winning this promotion was having ‘your voice heard’ among the management team and you’ve made some major strides in that direction, especially with the Director of Marketing and Director of Materials Management. The Director of Finance is the final challenge, right? … And you’ve expressed your dissatisfaction with his management style?” [Client: ‘Yes! I can’ stand him!’] “You can’t stand him … this might be an unappealing topic; nonetheless, may we explore how your feelings might be affecting your relationship with him?”
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
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B. Co-Creating the Relationship ICF Competency #4 Coaching Presence - Ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident
a.
Is present and flexible during the coaching process, dancing in the moment
b.
Accesses own intuition and trusts one's inner knowing "goes with the gut"
c.
Is open to not knowing and takes risks
d.
Sees many ways to work with the client, and chooses in the moment what is most effective
Competencies in Action: The Academies’ Suggestions of How This Competency Might Look in Coaching Pre-call: Ask yourself, “What actions can I take or ‘ritual’ can I perform to eliminate potential distractions during the call (e.g., desk cleared, email notices turned off, office door closed, etc.) and prepare myself to concentrate fully on my client’s higher agenda?” a. The client may bring up something very unexpected during the coaching—follow with curiosity to determine whether this new information is related to the client’s higher agenda or if it’s a “rabbit trail” (a minor topic). For example, “That’s a new twist. Say a little more about that.” … and possibly, “How does that relate to what you wanted to focus on today?” or “Connect the dots, if you would, between this and your long-term career goals.” b. Although it’s not necessary to tell the client that you’re speaking from a place of intuition, there may be times you wish to say so, such as: “As you say that, there’s this strong impression coming up that ____.” Or “Out of curiosity…what are your thoughts on _____________” c. “John, I may be going out on a limb here, and I’m not sure where this question will take the conversation, but here goes: What’s the possible connection between ____ and _____?” [substitute a question/comment appropriate to the coaching conversation] d. Your client may be wrestling with a promotional situation. You might choose to coach around that from a future-self perspective (“Let’s say it’s a year from now and you’re looking back at how you walked through this circumstance. What actions have you taken that you are most proud of?”). Or, maybe a “360 perspective” (“What’s another perspective on that? Let’s say your viewpoint right now is at 12:00 on a clock-face. What does it look like if you stand at a 3 o’clock position? 6 o’clock? 9 o’clock? What perspective will serve you best at this time?”)
e.
Uses humor effectively to create lightness and energy
e.
f.
Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments with new possibilities for own action
f.
g.
Demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions, and can self-manage and not be overpowered or enmeshed by client's emotions
g.
Or, perhaps bringing up the “Saboteur” is appropriate (“My guess is that those words you just used are the words of the Saboteur/Gremlin and not the competent, caring professional you truly are. … Yes? Say more about the true you.”) Sharing laughter between coach and client is often a sign of connecting. You might use humor that builds on comments made in past coaching sessions, or a double entendre, or a metaphor that conjures up a humorous image, such as “Sounds like your boss has the energy of Ty on Extreme Home Makeover!” If at any time you sense your perspective on the client’s situation is one that does not embrace possibility or the natural creativity and brilliance of the client, silently acknowledge your thoughts and then purposefully shift your thinking. Acknowledge strong emotions—don’t be afraid of them or ignore them. For example, “Lots of emotion there. You were really counting on that job offer, weren’t you,” giving space for the client to speak of the emotions. Emotions are part of our humanness. View them simply as information, and not symptoms of a deep-seeded problem.
ICF 11 Competencies: ©2011 International Coach Federation Competencies in Action: ©2006-2011 Career Coach Academy | Susan Britton Whitcomb
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