VOLUME 1, ISSUE 6
T H E
> FO L I O
JANUARY 10, 2005
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
IRON CURTAIN FOREIGN POLICY ANNOUNCED
AMERICAN PATRIOTISM MAKES FOR A WORTHY APOLOGY
WAR AGAINST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE GOING AS PLANNED
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IRON CURTAIN FOREIGN POLICY ANNOUNCED Thursday, January 21, 2006— Due to pressing tensions and the imminent threat of guerilla warfare, President Bush was forced to announce a new “iron curtain” foreign policy just this week. “Frankly, it’s all for the best,” announced Secretary of State Colin Powell. “I can’t think of any better way to ease tensions than to shut off the rest of the world.”
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Reliable sources indicate that the way the present administration has been moving, an “iron curtain” could only have been a matter of time. The physical separation of America and the rest of the world has been much more relevant these past years, now that American presi-
dents no longer seek to handle incidents with tact and diplomacy. A day after the press conference, White House officials announced that the Iron Curtain would be enforced with 306,000 American nukes and a coterie of patriots. “At least we’re safe from the unreasonable use of nuclear weaponry,” concluded the defunct John Kerry. Plans to construct a two mile high wall down the Atlantic and Pacific have been denied, but officials are confident that “the rest of the world will probably have no desire to come here anyways”.
grants will not be curtailed, as America always needs migrant workers to exploit. To have Americans work under the conditions imposed on these immigrants would be unthinkable. Several foreign experts theorize that America may return to its senses when it realizes that it is not, as previously thought, selfsufficient. “Leave us say that cheap Chinese imports corrode iron,” one expert noted.
However, the flood of immi-
POSING QUESTIONS:
• If we learn from our mistakes, why does history repeat itself? • If the government learns from its mistakes, what are we doing in Iraq? • Does the government learn from its mistakes?
AMERICAN PATRIOTISM MAKES FOR A WORTHY APOLOGY Tuesday, January 19, 2005— A panel of diplomats announced today that “patriotism makes for a worthy apology” for such continuing problems as the unprovoked attack on Iraq. Apparently, no compensation is needed for the destruction of property or the murder of innocents in Iraq; patriotism is all that is needed.
“We’re really, really sorry we killed your first-born son by bombing a community hospital,” announced President Bush to an Iraqi spokesman, “but just look at that flag fly. Have faith in America.” The simple act of flying the red, white, and blue on your lawn can make amends for the 2,212 American deaths and the
27,814 Iraqi deaths (through U.S. military intervention in Iraq). Says President Bush: “Iraqis forgive us, and know that our blind patriotism, which makes us mindless sheep in their eyes, is enough apology for the violent exploitation of their country.
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WAR AGAINST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE GOING AS PLANNED Tuesday, January 19, 2005— A press release from Washington D.C. confirms what we already knew: the war against the American people is going as planned.
before anyone could begin to think clearly.
Says President Bush: “All missions are being planned and executed. We’re mounting a sustained campaign against every American of every faith.”
“That said,” continues Bush, “we’re pleased to announce that we hold no prejudice against anybody. The poor people of Iraq and the immigrants that stream into our country will also be targeted by this war. We can expect to see massive exploitation of both in the near future.”
The war began four years ago, when fear of terrorism bred misplaced faith in the government. Fortunately, the government reacted quickly, and used that blind faith
After having imposed the Patriot Act and put the privacy of every American at stake, President Bush announced a campaign against the environment.
“It is well known, I believe, that environmentalists breed terrorism with their violent methods, which may involve standing in roads to divert bulldozers,” announced spokesman Jim Posh. “Thus, it is of prime importance that we leech every natural resource we have by avoiding the regulation of patriotic American corporations and the Kyoto Treaty.” This war is expected to be supported unconditionally by Americans of every race. Not doing so, and questioning the government, would be dangerous and unpatriotic.
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