How To Be A Lady Killer By Ann May www.Lady-Killing.com
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About the Author Ann May is a 42 year old mother-of-two and has been actively dating for over 19 years. Owning and running her own beauty salon for the last 6 years has brought her into contact with thousands of women, their stories about men and their personal relationships. Ann has performed extensive research into dating and relationships, in particular focusing on women’s views of a man’s role in the dating ritual. This, coupled with her own experience and her ability to learn life’s lessons, has given Ann an insight into the behavior of men that few in the world can equal. Ann lives in East Ardsley, Yorkshire with her fiancé Carl.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction
CONTENTS CONTENTS....................................................................................................................iv INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ............................................................................................. xiii CHAPTER 1 - AN INTRODUCTION TO THE SEDUCTION PYRAMID .................................1 STEP 1: MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU .........................................................................4 CHAPTER 2 – HOW TO BE A SUCCESS WITH WOMEN ..............................................6 CHAPTER 3 – SKILLS THAT ATTRACT THE MOST WOMEN ...................................12 STEP 2: UNDERSTAND WOMEN ................................................................................16 CHAPTER 4 – THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF SEDUCTION ..................................18 CHAPTER 5 – HOW TO SATISFY HER FOUR MOST BASIC NEEDS ...........................25 STEP 3: ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN................................28 CHAPTER 6 - THE MOST IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE WHEN SPEAKING TO WOMEN 31 CHAPTER 7 – TWELVE INSTANT MESSAGES WOMEN READ FROM YOU ...............47 STEP 4: PREPARE IN ADVANCE – TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN .......................52 CHAPTER 8 – THREE WAYS TO INCREASE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN ......................54 CHAPTER 9 - FINDING THE RIGHT APPEAL ............................................................57 CHAPTER 10 - HOW TO AVOID EMBARRASSING SILENCES....................................61 CHAPTER 11 – PROVEN METHODS TO ATTRACT MORE WOMEN ..........................66 STEP 5: MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE .............................................70 CHAPTER 12 – HOW TO MAKE THE FIRST APPROACH...........................................73 CHAPTER 13 - RIGHT AND WRONG METHODS TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION .....82 CHAPTER 14 - CONVERSATION STARTERS THAT GRAB A WOMAN’S INTEREST ...86 STEP 6: INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS .................................................92 CHAPTER 15 - THE THREE THINGS WOMEN MOST WANT FROM MEN ..................95 CHAPTER 16 - TWENTY-SEVEN WAYS TO HOLD A WOMAN’S ATTENTION ........105 CHAPTER 17 - FORBIDDEN METHODS TO COMMAND WOMEN WITH HYPNOSIS.121 CHAPTER 18 – WORDS THAT ATTRACT THE MOST WOMEN ...............................128 CHAPTER 19 - HOW TO INCREASE HER EXCITEMENT WITH YOUR WORDS ........137 STEP 7: PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS ...................................................142 CHAPTER 20 – THE TWELVE GREATEST MISTAKES MEN MAKE WITH WOMEN .144 CHAPTER 21 – THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS TO LEARN FROM “NO”...147 STEP 8: SEDUCE WITHOUT WORDS .......................................................................162 CHAPTER 22 – ELEVEN SECRET MESSAGES YOUR BODY MAY BE BROADCASTING ..............................................................................................................................164 CHAPTER 23 – EIGHT WAYS TO SHOW HER YOU ARE INTERESTED ...................168 CHAPTER 24 – SIXTEEN METHODS TO SILENTLY SEDUCE ..................................172 CHAPTER 25 - SEVEN SURE-FIRE SIGNS A WOMAN IS FLIRTING .........................184
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How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction CHAPTER 26 – BODY LANGUAGE THAT ATTRACTS THE MOST WOMEN ............188 STEP 9: ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT TONIGHT ....................................................191 CHAPTER 27 - FOUR WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF “YES”.................194 CHAPTER 28 – RIGHT AND WRONG METHODS OF ASKING FOR A DATE .............197 CHAPTER 29 - SIX STEPS TO BRING HER BACK FOR MORE.................................201 CHAPTER 30 - FIVE WAYS TO MAKE HER WANT YOU NOW...............................206 STEP 10: ENJOY THE RESULTS ...............................................................................212 RESOURCES ...............................................................................................................219
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How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction
INTRODUCTION Being successful with women has long held a deep mystique for most men. In today’s society men are often unfairly judged on their level of success with women. Why is one man successful while another isn’t? There is almost always no apparent reason why one guy is more successful than another.
It seems reasonable to assume that the
successful guy has something that the less successful guy does not. A silver tongue, perhaps? A natural aptitude with which to succeed? Maybe. What he will certainly have is a set of skills and a knowledge base that generates confidence. Confidence breeds success. The good news for you is that these skills and the necessary knowledge can be acquired. They can be learned by anyone who wants to be a success with women. You can help yourself to success by learning some simple skills of communication, interaction, preparation and presentation. These coupled with other insights into the expectations of women, the way they think and the way they react to a variety of situations will enable you to confidently approach any woman and win her attention immediately. So, how am I qualified to tell you all this? There are four main reasons. Firstly, I am a woman. As such, I am perfectly positioned to provide a woman’s perspective. Secondly, I run a beauty salon, which means I have more exposure to a variety of other women and their problems (almost all of which revolve around men) than any other person I know. Thirdly, since I decided to write this book I have carried out extensive research into the man/woman mating game and related topics. Finally, I thought it would be good idea to carry out a survey to find out women’s views on specific issues. I wanted the survey to be representative of a
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How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction broad cross-section of women, so didn’t limit it only to the views of my clients. That is why you will find this book different from the rest. It is not based on a study of women in a laboratory or analyst’s chair, but largely based on what woman have revealed in a relaxed, female-only environment. They leave their inhibitions at home when they come to see me and what leaves their lips is what they really think. The key advantage of reading this book over many other dating publications is that you will be told how it is in reality and how to put it right. Also, you are getting it from the horse’s mouth, rather than from someone who has a theory, but may know little in practice. I hope you will appreciate the difference. By reading this book you have decided that you do not wish to continue living the illusion that you know all you need to know about women. You have woken up to the reality that you need a little help. Congratulations. You have made a wise decision - one I promise you will not regret. It could be the most important decision you have ever made. You will learn all you need to know about us women, how we want to be treated, what you should say, how you should say it, when you should say it, what you should not do or say and much more. From initial contact to eternal love, I will help you acquire the skills you need. Please note, if you want to fully appreciate the lessons and derive maximum benefit, you will need to read the book all the way through. Each section is linked and supports the others. Merely reading part of this work will leave you short of vital information. Only by reading and absorbing the whole thing can you be sure that you are fully equipped to vii Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction make your mark with all those girls waiting for you to come along and claim them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing some help in this area. You are certainly not alone. If my experience is anything to go by, the vast majority of the male species could do with some help. Having said that, it can’t be easy for men in this game.
I can
sympathize with your plight. I would not relish walking into a bar and having to use my charm to approach a complete stranger and win his affections. All this in the knowledge that there is a queue of rivals waiting for me to fail, just so they can step in and take my place. It is a tough life out there for you guys, no doubt about that. Fear not, help is at hand. If you have been swimming against the tide in the sea of love, this is your lifeline. You can succeed and I will show you how. “I can’t change, I will always be me and I am just not any good at this sort of thing”, I hear you say. “Nonsense”, I say. I have always been fascinated by the nurture versus nature debate. Are we essentially who we are because of the genes we were born with, or does our environment and influences mould us into who and what we are? There are experts who swear it is all in the genes, whilst others will not consider anything other than external influences. I have always been of the opinion that the truth falls somewhere between the two. I believe that our genetic make-up is responsible for the very core of our being. For example, some children are born stubborn and continue to have a stubborn nature throughout their lives. This obstinate nature will never leave them as it is in their genetic make-up. For this reason, it will always be a part of them. viii Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction
Looking at it from the nurture viewpoint, we can be scarred or enlightened by certain events and experiences. It is easy to imagine that a child brought up in an oppressive, abusive environment would be likely to grow up differently than if he or she had been brought up by loving, supportive parents. It is not just children who are influenced by significant events and individuals. We are all learning during every moment we are conscious. We all face cross-roads situations every day of our lives; we just do not see it that way, or at least the mundane experiences of each day do not seem to hold so much importance. We need to remind ourselves that we are all growing, each and every day. It is this ability to develop, learn and grow that gives us the opportunity to change, to broaden our horizons and acquire new skills and knowledge. This is why I passionately believe that even the most shy, bashful, hesitant, faint-hearted man, who can never bring himself to utter a word in front of the opposite sex, can learn from my lessons. If you can learn, you are capable of improving. If you are capable of improving, then heed the lessons that follow. Put them into practice and watch as the clouds of uncertainty fade away to reveal a clear path to your goal. You will achieve this by equipping yourself with everything you require to succeed in your quest for love. I will teach you the things you need to know before leaving home on a night out and how to pick-up the silent signals all around you. I will share with you the techniques that will help you break the ice. From this point there is still much work to be done before capturing the heart of your prey and ensuring that she is yours if you so desire. If she does turn out to be the woman of your ix Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction dreams you will need to know what to do to ensure that she stays with you rather than be snatched away by other predators, casting jealous, admiring glances. You should understand how the female species behaves and thinks before you can realistically expect them to take you seriously. Take it from me, most men do not understand the first thing about women and their needs, so once you have learned all about us you will have a key advantage over most other men. You will learn how to prepare for capturing your ideal mate. There are secrets to quickly win the attention of others and sustain it.
If you possess these you will gain the
confidence to approach members of the opposite sex - anytime, anywhere. My aim is to leave you with a set of personal and communication tools that will ensure that you need never again approach a woman with that tightness in the stomach or tennis ball-size lump in the throat. You will have a plan. Armed with these skills, your odds of success will be vastly improved. Fortunately for you I get to spend lots of time with many women in a relaxed setting, where they let their hair down and talk honestly. An endless conveyer belt of interesting women of all ages and from all walks of life pass through every day. I get them all - from leaders of companies to cleaners of floors. From young maidens to old dears, whether they be married, single, divorced, widowed, big, small, long, short or tall, they all have one thing in common - a story to tell about their love life, or lack of it. But more of that later. As we get to know one another, so our intimacy grows. The resulting knowledge is very enlightening. All these women cannot be wrong. x Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction Listening to what they are saying, one can only learn. For the last six years I have spent the majority of my working hours doing just that. They seem to revel in revealing what they like about men, what they don’t like about men, what men do that pleases them and what men do that does not please them. I am sad to say that most men are getting it wrong most of the time. In short, most men do not know where to start when it comes to treating a woman how she wants to be treated. I have acquired a deep knowledge of what women really want from men, the most common areas where men fall down in trying to win their affections and what men should do to remedy this. Up until now I have shared this essential knowledge with only a few people.
This is
information that most men would never have acquired had I not decided to reveal the truth. Whether you are desperate to turn that sweet sixteen year-old into your sweetheart, need to acquire the attention of that attractive young accountant you admire or desire the demure divorcee at the dance class, I can show you how to succeed. You will learn what to say, how to say it and when to say it. If you feel like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights when approaching women, I will show you how to build your confidence for success. I have been told the answers to your dilemmas so many times I practically recite them in my sleep. I will be expanding on how you can make a woman feel good about herself and also how to make her feel attractive and important. This is crucial if you are to succeed.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Introduction Do you think you have to be attractive to get women? Rippling biceps, six-pack stomach, chiseled jaw and all that? Perhaps the answers will surprise you. All will be revealed. One crucial point before we get started in earnest. You must understand from the outset that there is only one person who can put into practice the techniques and lessons put before you in this book. I will provide many tips, techniques and a mountain of knowledge, but your success will be determined by how well you are able to apply what you learn. If there were a sure-fire remedy that didn’t require your participation to guarantee success with women, I would gladly share this with you and become rich enough to buy the world. Alas, just reading will not be enough, you have to play your part too, but I will try to make it fun. Read, relax, enjoy and move forward with your life.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Acknowledgements
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Many, many people have gone into the making of this book. Frequently I speak to clients or discuss a point and gain insight which I have tried to distill into these pages. Thank you to those who took the trouble to read the first draft of this work, especially Peter for your valuable recommendations. Thank you, also, to the team at e-Perpetual who are responsible for the work you are now reading. Finally, thank you to the following people who were an invaluable help with the co-ordination of the questionnaires and research into women’s behavior with men: Tracey Jowett, Debra Fielden, Zoe Kershaw, Ashlea Myers, Rebecca Jackson, Lynsey Kinnear, Laura Barrans, Chau, Katie and Zoe M. Thank you to you all from the bottom of my heart.
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How to be a Lady Killer. The Seduction Pyramid
CHAPTER 1 AN INTRODUCTION TO THE SEDUCTION PYRAMID
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 STEP 5 STEP 4 STEP 3 STEP 2 STEP 1
The 10-Step Seduction Pyramid
The Seduction Pyramid is a tool I will use as we go through the book to help illustrate points and demonstrate how everything links together. It will take you on a journey of discovery, covering the ten steps that you will need to take to equip yourself with all the tools necessary to ensure your success. Moving from Step 1 to Step 10, each step will be explored in detail. Each represents a section of the book and provides an ideal framework to take you through it.
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How to be a Lady Killer. The Seduction Pyramid The ten steps of the pyramid symbolize the journey you are about to embark on. It will be an interesting one with many things to see and learn. Your journey will take you to a place where you will enjoy a much better view than you currently have. By the time you reach the top it will be completely transformed from what it was before you began your journey. You will look back and think that you must have been walking around with your eyes closed beforehand. To make a comparison with a real pyramid, if you are stood at the bottom looking around, your view of your surroundings is limited to what you are able to see from that point. However, if you begin to climb up the pyramid your view expands a little with every step. Stop and look around as you take each step upwards and your horizon will gradually expand before you. By the time you reach the top you will have a panoramic view taking in the tops of trees, all the people moving around below, the shape and contours of the land and a much broader horizon with all its detail will stretch out before you. You will look down to where you were stood and be amazed at how much more you can see from your new vantage point. This bird’s eye view is exactly what will unfold as you read on. Your viewpoint will change and improve with every step upward. Each step moves you towards the top of the pyramid, by which time you will have equipped yourself with the armory required to outgun your rivals for the attention of the women you want. Whilst your view from the top of the pyramid will be panoramic, they will be stuck on the ground, where you once stood. It is important to make it clear that each step must be digested and understood before you can move onto the next.
The earlier steps
provide the foundations for your success. You will only be successful if 2 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. The Seduction Pyramid you take each step in turn and absorb the knowledge before moving onto the next. This is a crucial point to understand if you want to fully reap the rewards that are waiting for you. Also, if you merely skim through this book once, then put it down and forget about it, you will enjoy nothing like the full benefit and rewards it can bring.
You need to absorb as much of this information as
possible to enjoy long-term success. The more you can commit to your long-term memory, the more useful this publication will be to you. Towards the end of the book I will pass on a simple but very useful technique for retaining more of what you learn. Don’t concern yourself with this for now. Just read, enjoy and learn.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You
STEP 1: MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 STEP 5 STEP 4 STEP 3 STEP 2 MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 1
On this first step of your journey you will learn how it is possible to make women desire you. You will be shown that there are certain easily obtainable skills and qualities that will help you achieve this aim. You will learn:-
Why you can be successful where you thought others owned exclusive rights.
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How anyone can be successful as long as they know how – as long as they possess the skills and knowledge required to win.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You This will set the scene for the rest of the book and provide its foundation. Think about what you read in this section as you go through the book and remember, you can only do a job well if you have the tools of the trade. I have divided this section into two chapters:How To Be a Success With Women. Skills that Attract the Most Women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You
CHAPTER 2 – HOW TO BE A SUCCESS WITH WOMEN To be successful at initiating relationships with the opposite sex and attracting women into your life, you must first master the art of meeting, impressing and holding the attention of others. The skills and attributes necessary to achieve this are often shrouded in mystique. Possession of charisma, charm and animal magnetism are some of the reasons offered to explain the success enjoyed by certain types of men with women. It is also claimed that these are qualities the Casanova’s are born with; that they are a gift to the chosen few and unobtainable for mere mortals who must look on in awe at the masters skillfully plying their trade. I know this to be untrue. I don’t deny that many of these skilled operators are fortunate enough to be born with the skills that allow them to easily charm the bedroom door key off any woman who may cross their path. In this respect they are just plain lucky. Just because they happen to be born this way does not mean that their skills are unique to them and unobtainable to everyone else.
The
success that these maestros achieve can be broken down into what they do and how they do it. The skills they possess are part of their make-up and have always just come naturally to them. For example, if you are naturally good at football, hockey or baseball, this is just something that you have always been good at – you have a natural flair. However, some of the skills you possess which makes you good at these sports can be learned by others. You could say the same about any sport or activity. Take carpentry, for example, do you think that you would be able to turn out an ornately 6 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You designed oak dining table if I gave you half a tree, some machinery and a box full of tools? No, I didn’t think so. Do you think a qualified carpenter would have been able to do so before he trained as a carpenter? Before he learned the skills of his trade and was taught how to use the tools and machinery at his disposal? No, of course not, but he could do so now that he has the tools of the trade and knows how to use them. That is what you need to possess – the tools of the trade. Knowledge of how to use them will produce the desired results. Would you deny that it is possible for certain techniques to be passed onto others? I believe that techniques can be passed on that would make a huge difference to someone’s ability to perform. Take basketball as an example. I am not claiming that we can take someone who has never picked up a basketball in his life and turn him into Michael Jordan overnight, but I am sure that if an ordinary person spends enough time with the various coaches who know how to develop skills in individuals, they could certainly make huge improvements in this person’s competence with a basketball in his hand. Exactly the same applies to dating. It may surprise you to know, but when on the look-out for a man, my female friends and I are not looking for some handsome prince to come riding along on a white horse, reciting Shakespeare before swooping us up with one arm and whisking us off to his magic castle. That would be a bit of a treat, I admit, but most of us appreciate that we live in a world called Reality. We will be very happy with a guy who simply knows
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You how to make us happy.
A good start to that end would be if he
communicates well. How to communicate well with women is essential if you want to succeed.
Learning these secrets will give you the confidence to
succeed. If you learn even the basics of good communication you will increase your chances of success with women tenfold. You will learn much more than just the basics as you read on. You will learn how to look at us and talk to us in the manner we would like you to. As you take each step up the pyramid your communication skills will be greatly enhanced. When I talk about communication I am referring to a two-way process. A good communicator is not merely someone who can stand in front of people and demonstrate that he is skilled at talking. No, a good communicator appreciates that to be effective he needs to be good at listening as well as talking.
He will also have a deep
understanding of all the hidden, silent messages being transmitted without most people even being aware. He will know how to use these to his advantage. He will also understand that the best judge of how good a communicator he is will be his listener.
“The meaning of communication is the response you get. If you are not getting the response you want, change what you are doing.” Dr. Genie Z. Laborde, Influencing With Integrity.
Communication is made up of three elements:1. The words that are spoken. 2. The tone of voice used to express the words. 3. The physical manifestations (facial expressions, hand gestures, posture etc.) displayed when speaking. 8 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You
How we interpret these messages is key. Doing this successfully will turn you into a skilled communicator. In percentage terms, how important doing you think that the actual words are when interpreting these messages? 100%? 50%? Research carried out at UCLA has revealed that when we are making up our minds about someone or something, the actual words get only a 7% weighting. The other 93% is accounted for by the tone of the voice and what is going on physically. Fig. 1
How We Draw Conclusions
Words 7%
Tone 38%
Physical 55%
In later chapters I will deal with this in much more detail, so read on and be amazed at the advantages you can gain from improved communication with women. Even minor improvements can lead to startling results. Killer Tip Learn the basics of good communication and you will improve your chances of dating success. 9 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You
The point is that there are certain techniques that can be learned and passed onto others. It is a little bit different from sport though. Sporting technique is mostly about balance, movement, power, dexterity and fitness. A willingness to put in the hard work will pay dividends in time. The mental side is an entirely different challenge. What we are dealing with in terms of dating success is 99% in the mind. This is much more difficult than going to the gym and spending hour after hour pumping iron to get your body into shape or practicing for week after week with a basketball to hone your shooting skills. The mind is a much tougher cookie to crack than the body. The body just reacts to what we want it to do. If our brains say run, our legs just start moving and off we go. If we tell them to run often enough, devise the correct training plan and follow a suitable diet, we can persuade our legs to run a marathon (though I am certainly not claiming that this is easy). To make a comparison, supposing you say to yourself, “Go over there, approach that stunningly attractive girl and engage her in the most entertaining and enlightening conversation she has experienced in years. The conversation must be so enlightening and entertaining that she will not want to leave your side for fear of being bored to sleep by anyone else, who is certain to be a poor imitation by comparison”. Do you think your brain will say, “OK, no problem. Here we go”? What do you think?
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You The relationship between our brain and the interaction we have with people we meet is a very complex one. Most of us, at some time in our lives, have become tongue-tied or nervous when in the company of someone we feel intimidated by. It’s a perfectly natural reaction, but one that is not easy to explain and understand. There are ways of overcoming these anxieties, but just like the sporting example it requires a willingness to put in the practice and a fierce determination to succeed. Take each step in turn as you work through the book and gain control of your mind and allow it to control how well you communicate. This is what will really allow you to be a success with women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You
CHAPTER 3 – SKILLS THAT ATTRACT THE MOST WOMEN So, we have established that the skills of dating success are obtainable, but they come at a price – practice. How much practice will depend on where you currently stand on the quivering jelly/smooth as cream continuum. Where do you stand? Make a mark now where you think you currently stand.
QUIVERING
SMOOTH
Most people will fall somewhere in the middle, not exactly quaking in his boots at meeting women, but certainly not the guy delivering all the right lines at all the right times. To copy the smoothies it is just a matter of identifying the skills, breaking them down, selecting those that are applicable to you and applying them to your life.
Learn the secrets of their success and
quickly move towards the right of the above continuum. It won’t be long before your approach is totally transformed into one that draws women to you and delivers success after success.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You There are no instant fixes though, you will be required to build on what you learn over time to help you achieve both success with women and success, happiness and confidence in many other areas of your life too. You will move from the left towards the right of the above model. Come back at the end of the book and mark where you stand then. Do the same after a little while practicing your new skills. The skills and secrets you need to acquire are divided into two main categories: 1. Personal Qualities – these are part of your make-up and are what make you the person you are. You will already possess some of the necessary qualities with which to be a dating success and can develop those that you do not possess. Some examples of what I mean are as follows:-
Level of self-confidence;
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Looks;
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Style;
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Judgment;
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Courage;
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Personality;
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General outlook on life;
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Anything else that comes naturally to you.
You could be either on the positive or negative side of the scale for each of these and many others. Where you are positive, I will remind you of the good habits that need to be maintained.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You Where you are negative, I will show you what you should be doing to move towards the positive end of the scale. Continuing with the sporting analogy, the budding football star may possess excellent balance and ball-handling skills, but needs to work on his speed and strength if he is to make the grade. Whilst he would still need to pay some attention to balance and handling during his training and conditioning, he would need to pay more attention to building up his speed and strength to become a more complete footballer. 2. Practical Techniques – these are tricks of the trade. What I mean is skills and knowledge acquired with the benefit of experience. How to approach a situation and get the best out of it - a personal plan for success. Some examples are:-
Planning for meeting women;
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Making the most of first impressions;
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Communication skills to win with women;
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How to keep things positive;
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Gaining a deeper understanding of what women really want;
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How to make a woman feel great;
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Words that charm;
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Flirting;
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Getting the result you want;
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How even your failures can be turned into positive experiences.
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Anything else that can be taught and learned.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 1: Make Women Desire You Common sense, experience or your own acute perception may mean that you naturally develop some of these over time, but I can show you the short cuts to success. As above, you will enhance the positive and develop the negative, so you move towards the positive end of the scale for all. Using sport to illustrate once more, the successful footballer will need an in-depth knowledge of rules, tactics, opposition styles, other players, colleagues and what makes them tick, etc. The more he knows about the methods of actually getting the best out of himself and the team, as well as methods of actually winning games (tactics, opposition information etc.), the better positioned he will be to perform to maximum capability. I will be handing you the tools of the trade – releasing these skills and secrets to you as you work your way through the book. By the tools of the trade I don’t mean just a series of instructions on how to churn out a few chat up lines to a woman and convince her that you are the greatest thing that has ever walked the Earth. This kind of shallow approach can only work in the short-term. What you should aim for is long-term success. I will be taking the long-term approach to change your life for the better. The insights you are to acquire will serve you well in both the long-term and the short-term.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women
STEP 2: UNDERSTAND WOMEN
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 STEP 5 STEP 4 STEP 3 UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 2
Step 2 on your journey is all about understanding women and how to use this priceless knowledge to your benefit. We think differently to you and our emotional and intellectual needs differ in some key ways. By learning how a woman thinks you will know exactly what she wants from you. Perhaps more importantly, you will know how to deliver what she wants. Every man can benefit from a better understanding of the female psyche. My findings are that a lack of understanding about women is overwhelmingly the biggest single reason why men fail. Believe me, if the majority of the men my clients have been complaining to me about were to take a test on this subject and given marks out of 100, they would be lucky to get out of single figures. Some of them would do 16 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women well to get zero! They simply do not understand how we think, what we want or why we want it. This is extremely frustrating for us girls. When we meet a guy for the first time and it is obvious that he thinks like a man and apparently cannot comprehend that there is actually another gender on the planet, it seems such a waste. Some otherwise great guys are getting left on the shelf for this reason alone. For you this is great news. It is your opportunity to steal a march on the other guys out there. Any man who makes an effort to truly understand the differences between men and women will reap the benefits when trying to attract a woman. Watch with wonder at how she warms to you because you know the right thing to say at the right time, what buttons to press and how to make her feel valued. Not many men will know what you are about to learn. These secrets are like gold dust. Treasure them as such. I have broken this section down into two chapters: The Most Important Part of Seduction. How to Satisfy her Four Most Basic Needs.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women
CHAPTER 4 – THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF SEDUCTION If you are to be successful at attracting women you will need to be good at holding their interest for as long as possible. This will ensure that it is you, rather than any of your rivals, that they will want to spend the evening and beyond with. To this aim, some knowledge of how a woman thinks and what she really wants will be invaluable.
The
knowledge in this chapter will form the foundations of your long-term success with women. It will underpin all that has come before and all that will come after. If you can understand how women think, how we react, what we want and how we would like to be treated, it stands to reason that you will have a much better chance of appealing to us than those who do not possess this knowledge. You will be able to look into our minds and have a very good idea how we are thinking, what we want from you and how we would like you to go about winning us over.
You will
instinctively know what we would like you to do in every situation. My Six Steps to a Successful Date, below, will reveal all but the first thing to appreciate is that women do think differently to men. “Oh, that’s obvious”, you may be thinking to yourself right now. Yes, it is obvious, I agree. It seems though that many men may be aware of this fact, but show little evidence of taking it into account in their dealings with women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women It seems that men get frustrated when they feel they cannot do the right thing, find the right words or get anything through to the women in their life. They feel misunderstood and unappreciated. Do you want to know the reason for this? It is because men are frustrated that women do not act like men, think like men and behave like men. Reality check coming up. Killer Tip Accept that women will never behave as you would like us to. That may sound like another blow struck for girl power, but it is the truth and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can expect to be more successful with women. The fact is that we will carry on just like we have done since the beginning of time. This is because it is the only way we can behave. We have no choice, we are women, not men, and will behave like women, not men. Why waste your time fighting against what is set in stone? Your time could be spent more effectively trying to persuade the Sun not to come up each morning. A very good male friend of mine used to sum up the difference between men and women perfectly. He would say, “They are wired differently”. What he meant was that both men and women cannot help the way they are. We are each made a certain way and programmed or wired to behave and react in a certain manner according to our gender. I have already talked about nurture versus nature and how everyone is influenced by external factors. But who we are intrinsically, our very core being, will never change. That is what I am talking about here. 19 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women
Women will never think or react like a man. Please try to understand this and remember it when you are with women. preconceptions and learn how a woman thinks.
Ditch your
Concentrating on
getting inside her mind will vastly increase your chances of getting inside her underwear. The truth is that most men cannot even begin to think as a woman does and vice-versa, so why do both sexes expect the opposite sex to act like them? The world is full of men who are tearing their hair out, banging walls and kicking cats in frustration that their women refuse to do as they wish. It’s not because we won’t, it’s because we can’t. We can only act a certain way and this leads to utter frustration and exasperation for men. The solution is not for men to give up and just accept that they will have to pander to a woman’s every whim. There is little point in any man taking up this position. If he did he may as well just have a sex change and become a woman himself for the value he would get out of being a man. No, what is required is a degree of understanding. Understanding a woman’s needs, how they differ from a man’s, why she has these needs and what drives them. If you have this knowledge you can still be your masculine self, but will have the added benefit of being more aware of how your actions are likely to be perceived by women. This is a very powerful tool to have at your disposal, as not many men possess it. So what makes us women tick? Of course, not all women are programmed to act in exactly the same way. Sorry guys, but that would be far too straightforward. Someone 20 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women would surely have come up with a simple answer by now if the question itself were so simple. We are all still individuals and need to be treated and respected as such, but there are some generalizations we can discuss that will help you to understand how best to approach us. They can help you appreciate how and why we are different, avoid common mistakes and misunderstandings and act accordingly to get the best out of any interaction. So how will understanding women enhance your chances of successfully dating the women of your choice? What can understanding women do for you? How can the knowledge gained in this section be of benefit on a date? What do women want from you on a date? The following Six Steps to a Successful Date should help. 1. Keep it Positive. Resist the temptation to treat her as a shoulder to cry on – this would be dating suicide. It might bring out the maternal instinct in her, but will kill any budding passion – a real turn-off. She will probably end up liking you, but as a child to be pitied, not a man to be dated. o Keep it positive. o Focus the conversation on what she wants to talk about, not on what you want to talk about. o Pay her attention, not the surroundings, other women, friends etc. 2. Do the Little Things Well. This will pay dividends both on dates and during long-term relationships. Show her that the art of chivalry is not dead: o Walk to her side and open the car door. o Hold the door for her to enter a room. 21 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women o Take her coat and pull the chair back for her before she sits down in a restaurant. o Pour her wine first and make sure she has all she needs before she either has to pour her own or ask. 3. Offer Her a Challenge, Not an Easy Ride. Making it too easy for her could make it harder for you:o If a guy is over a woman like a rash there is no challenge, no real desire for her to find out more about him. The harder he tries, the harder it becomes for him. o Sometimes those who seem unapproachable are the very ones a girl wants.
They possess a mystique that needs to be
discovered. o If you sense a girl is interested in you, don’t be overenthusiastic.
Keep a little something back to create some
mystery. This will keep her interested. 4.
Learn What Qualities Women Look for in a Man. Some key words are as follows:Unpredictable
Intelligent
Friendly
Unique
Uncontrollable
Focused
Thoughtful
Generous
Challenging
Exciting
Romantic
Honest
Dominant
Charming
Enigmatic
Confident
Assured
Articulate
Determined
Passionate
Demonstrative
Kind
Trustworthy
Secure
Do not try to be all of these, please. I don’t think any woman could handle a man with all these qualities – he would be too perfect to be true. What you must do is to identify as many as possible that you think apply to you and build on them.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women Congratulate yourself on your qualities and realize how far you have already come. Where you have identified a quality that is not applicable to you, I suggest that you think of ways to try to develop in these areas. Remember, no one can possess all these qualities in abundance and expect to be called a human being, so relax and do the best you can. 5. Understand What Women Have in Common With Men. In many ways we want the same things and can be anxious about the same things:o We want desperately to meet members of the opposite sex and get along with them. o We are sometimes nervous about meeting members of the opposite sex. o We want relationships to work. o We don’t fully understand the opposite sex. 6. Develop Personal Attributes that are Attractive to Women. Display these characteristics and women will desire you above others:o Confidence:
Give the impression that you are in control; o e.g. on a date, you decide on time, place etc.
Do not ask where she would like to go. Decide based on what you have found out about her and what pleases her. You will have demonstrated that you have listened to her and that you are a man who can make decisions.
o Drive:
Have a purpose in life.
Know what you want and where you are going. 23 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women
Passionately drive towards your goal.
o Ownership:
Take responsibility for your life;
Take responsibility for making her happy.
Do not make excuses to cover for anything that may go wrong.
Accept responsibility instead.
Learn,
apply lessons and move on.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women
CHAPTER 5 – HOW TO SATISFY HER FOUR MOST BASIC NEEDS Let us take a step back for a moment and look at a woman’s needs at the most basic level. No, we are not talking about sex - be patient will you! Good things will come to those who wait. The needs I am referring to are a bit deeper and have evolved over history. The well-informed man knows that the best way to get inside a woman’s underwear is to get inside her mind. As you may know, most of history has not been played out in our neonlit world, with its crushing social pressures, created by a media obsessed with beauty, image and fashion. For a woman looking for a mate for the vast majority of history, the following would have been foremost in her mind: Protection - someone strong enough to shield her from predators. Companionship – someone to be with and share life and its experiences. Paternal Instinct – a suitable father for her children. Provision – to hunt, feed and provide shelter.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women These are the basic needs of women, etched into the subconscious of generation after generation of mothers and daughters from the long and distant past through to the present day. They are just as important in today’s image-dominated field of play as they have been throughout time. Protection. How many times do we see the little woman being protected by the big, brave man in Hollywood blockbusters? She falls into his arms and weeps tears of joy as he saves her from the bad guys. We women tend to cry at the cinema at this point, as it stirs a natural emotion within us. Deep in the subconscious of all us women lie fantasies of being rescued by the fearless hero. Companionship. We all still want companionship. We all want to be around people we love. Women often settle for companionship if there is no other attraction to the man they choose to spend their life with. It can be a very powerful draw. Paternal Instinct This need runs through our veins. Every man we look at is a potential father. Don’t take this to mean that we are sat on our stool at the bar, looking longingly at the hunk strutting his stuff on the dance-floor and thinking, “I can just see him doing a great job bathing three kids”. No, it is happening on a deep, subconscious level, where it is not 26 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 2: Understand Women even in our conscious thoughts. However, it is still an important part of the decision making process that occurs when we meet a guy and are deciding whether or not anything of a romantic nature is on the cards. Provision. OK, so we don’t expect our men to return home from a hard day’s hunting carrying a buffalo on each shoulder. Things have moved on somewhat, thankfully. However, we like to be provided for in different ways. In this day and age this could mean escorting her, chaperoning her, taking her to the movies or a restaurant or giving flowers or gifts. If a man carries a heavy load or helps her complete any task that she would find difficult, he is fulfilling his provision duties. The modern woman’s needs are much more complex and demanding than those above, though it has been illustrated that they are still current and valid and well worth being aware of. The society we now live in is a fast-moving and ever-changing one – expectations are higher than ever. Love them or hate them, these expectations are here to stay. Unlike our ancestors we base our judgment on more than the basics. We want excitement, entertainment, romance and fun. We want to feel worthy, important, valued and we want our voice heard too. While we focus on the more developed needs of women, please do not forget the basics, above.
They are more deep-rooted and less superficial.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
STEP 3: ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 STEP 5 STEP 4 ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 3
Step 3 will help you approach your dealings with women in a manner that will endear you to them. Instead of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, as we all do from time to time, you will know what to say and when to say it. Perhaps more importantly, you will learn when not to say much at all, but to just let her talk herself into liking you. What I want to explore here is the difference between men and women. After all, it must be obvious to everyone that there are some significant differences in how men and women think, or, rather, how we are programmed to think. You see, it has very little to do our personalities, it is all down to how we are meant to behave and think.
Being 28
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences completely different and complex genders, there are wide variations in the way men and women will approach a given situation or problem. This is often beautiful and, I guess in some respects, what makes the world go around. I am not referring here to silly stereotypes like: All boys like frogs; all girls like flowers. All boys want to play football; all girls want to be cheerleaders. All boys wear blue; all girls wear pink. No, we are going to be more subtle than that. I want to explore the differences as they affect you in attempting to win the heart of your chosen one. I am sure you are not bothered who is supposed to like frogs and who is expected to wear pink. What you really want to know is how you can improve your chances of dating this gorgeous creature by knowing how she would like you to behave. A greater appreciation of the differences will help you. The more understanding you have of the female sex, the greater your confidence will be when trying to persuade them that you are the guy they need to go out on a date with. There are two main elements in this discussion, which form the two chapters in this section: The Most Important Difference When Speaking to Women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences Twelve Instant Messages Women Read from You.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
CHAPTER 6 THE MOST IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE WHEN SPEAKING TO WOMEN When a man talks to a woman, whether it be his wife of ten years or someone he has just met for the first time and is trying to impress, he will usually want to help the woman in some way, be of service to her or provide something of use. This is due to our genetic programming – men are supposed to be the providers and women the receivers. Don’t worry guys, you will not be expected to run outside, wrestle a wild animal to the ground and bring it in for roasting to impress your mate. You will be relieved to know that this is not the kind of provision I am referring to. What can he do then, if his instincts still tell him that he must be providing for the woman? He will solve all her problems, that’s what. She will happily pour out her problems (because that is what we are very good at, if you haven’t already noticed), as long as you will listen. Crucially though, while you are listening you are thinking about how you can resolve the problem the poor little woman is encountering. Stop! Stop! Stop! Surprising as it sounds, she does not want your solutions, even if they are sensible, logical and valid. She is not sharing her life story with you so you can tell her how to work it all out. You are not at the garage here in your oily overalls pondering which spanners to use to fix the problem with your engine. You are dealing with a human being. One 31 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences of the opposite sex, who has feelings that are more complex than you could ever imagine. She will certainly be more complex than any old motorcar. This is not a job for Mr. Fix-it. It is a job for Mr. Listen, Mr. Understand or Mr. Empathy. Killer Tip Do not offer advice or solutions when she shares her problems. What the woman wants is for you to listen, understand and demonstrate that you have been listening and that you care. She wants you to reassure her that her problem is a real one. You need to validate the problem and encourage her to talk more. Killer Point Women feel great if they are encouraged to talk about themselves. She will be capable of working out the solution by herself and be the best-placed person to implement that solution.
You just need to
demonstrate that you are taking her seriously and are interested. Look upon it as your job to do just that and you will not go far wrong. You can most effectively do this by agreeing with her plight, asking questions and drawing out any details not covered.
Once she is
reassured that she is not imagining things, she will feel very comfortable in your presence, which is good news for you. To illustrate, please read the examples below. Example 1 Mr. Fix-it has got talking to the girl he has been
dying
to
approach
for
weeks
and
she 32
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences starts to open up a little when they get onto the subject of work and careers ………. Lady Love:
“….. and my boss doesn’t treat me so well either.
He gives me
all the boring monotonous jobs to do while Elaine, his little pet, who has only been in our department for two months, gets to go to all the high-profile meetings.
While
involved
in
she
the
gets
strategic
decision-making process of the corporation, front
of
I
a
am
screen
stuck
in
working
on
the background information for the both of them to show off at the next big meeting.” Mr. Fix-it:
“Oh,
I
that.
wouldn’t
worry
about
I am sure that you are
valued in your role.
Your boss
would
to
be
stupid
someone
of
not your
value
obvious
capability.” Lady Love:
“No, it really is obvious and several
people
independently.
have I
commented
have
worked
there for over three years and deserve
to
be
treated
better.
Everyone says so.” 33 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
Mr. Fix-it:
“Well, that does not seem to be an
insurmountable
me.
problem
to
It is not really Elaine’s
fault, as she is just doing her job, so your anger should not be aimed at her. “Here’s would
what go
office point one
I
would
into
your
tomorrow out
by
do.
I
boss’s
morning
your
and
frustrations,
one.
Write
down
everything that you are unhappy about,
with
suggested
solutions, on a piece of paper and give them to him once you have finished. forget
That way if you
everything
and
tongue-tied,
as
happens
things
when
get
all
sometime get
a
little emotional, he will have it to look at later. “Return
to
your
desk
continue to work hard. leave
this
little
and
Do not episode
affect your work or your boss would question
have the
ammunition efficiency
to or
quality of your work.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences “If he does not deal with the issue
there
and
then
(and
a
good boss should do), give him a day or two before going to see
someone
in
your
Resources Department.
Human Outline
your problem to them and seek their advice. “You
will
have
put
your
grievance in writing and given your boss adequate opportunity to
resolve
the
communicate
problem
this.
For
and your
part you will have carried on working
in
a
businesslike
manner while you waited.
Who
could ask for more? “Don’t Everything
worry will
be
about
it.
OK,
you’ll
see.” Whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with the advice that Mr. Fix-it offers, he has made three crucial mistakes: 1. He did not take Lady Love seriously and trivialized her problem. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that”. Then he patronized her with the comment about being sure that she would be valued etc. This is not exactly validating her problem. Instead he has thoughtlessly dismissed it as if it were something not warranting serious 35 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences consideration. The message received by her is that her problem is no big deal, and she is getting all worked up over nothing. 2. He offered her a solution when this was not requested. She never asked for a solution, but merely wanted to talk something through. She wanted to talk about her problem, to explain what was going on and get it off her chest. She needed reassurance, understanding, sympathy, a shoulder to cry on or just someone who would listen. 3. He has stolen her thunder, jumped in to provide the way out of her predicament. He has replaced her on the stage, snatched her limelight and put her in the shade. He has grabbed the microphone from her hand and taken the lead role, leaving her floundering on the sidelines. This will not endear him to her. She can persevere and try to convince him of the validity of her position, in which case she would probably end up becoming angry. Alternatively she can shrug her shoulders and accept that she is not getting through to this man. Either way he has alienated her – she is either going to end up angry or frustrated. This is not a good position to be in if Mr. Fix-it has any ambitions of seeing more of this woman. The conversation would end very soon after. Now consider the same scenario handled differently.
Example 2. Mr. Get-it-Right has got talking to the girl he has been dying to approach for weeks and
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences she starts to open up a little when they get onto the subject of work and careers ………. Lady Love:
“…..
and
my
boss
doesn’t
treat
me
so
well
either.
He gives me all the boring monotonous while
jobs
Elaine,
to
his
do
little
pet who has only been in our
department
for
two
months, gets to go to all the high-profile meetings. While she gets involved in the
strategic
making
decision-
process
of
the
corporation, I am stuck in front of a screen working on
the
information
background for
the
both
of them to show off at the next big meeting.” Mr. Get-it-Right:
“Really, awful. to
that
sounds
No one would want
work
in
situation. understand
why
such
a
I
can
you
are
upset.”
Lady Love:
“Yes, it is not nice at all.
I have worked there 37
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences for over three years and deserve
to
better.
be
treated
Everyone
says
so.” Mr. Get-it-Right:
“Your boss is obviously in the minority, then. do
your
What
colleagues
think
of him?” Lady Love:
“Well,
he
is
generally
fairly popular, but it is only
those
who
work
closest to him can see him for
what
Carly also
and work
him best.
he
really
is.
Jennifer,
who
for
him,
know
They are both
looking to get out because of the way he is.” Mr. Get-it-Right:
“Do you think it would be best
to
find
another
job?” Lady Love:
“That
is
suppose. I
will
somehow. what
do
one
option,
I
I am sure that overcome
it
Never mind me, you
do
for
a
living?”
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
Mr. Get-it-Right does not offer solutions. Instead he has stayed fairly neutral, but made three crucial wise moves: 1. He agreed that her problem was a serious one. “Really, that sounds awful. No one would want to work in such a situation. I can understand why you are upset”. He validated her problem. The message she got was that her concerns were real ones and that this person was interested. 2. He invited her to elaborate. “Your boss is obviously in the minority. What do your colleagues think of your him?”
This invitation
reassured her that she was free to continue and made it easy for her to do so. Mr. Get-it-Right was tossing them up; she just had to hit them. 3. He left center stage for her, just conducting and directing where he needed to. Thus she felt more comfortable and able to express her feelings in the knowledge that her audience was listening, participating and sympathizing. Rather than having to work to convince him of the validity of her position, she has been able to get her problem off her chest and move on to asking him a question about his work. Mr. Get-it-Right will have had no idea whether she was right or wrong in her dealings with her boss and made no real judgment either way. Instead he did little more than listen, saying the right things at the right time until she moved onto another subject – all in her own time. This conversation sounds like it has just started and if Mr. Get-it-Right continues to play it so well it could go on for some time. He has not 39 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences alienated her in any way or made her angry or frustrated. She has now become interested in what he does.
This is an opportunity to
contribute briefly to the dialogue before skillfully switching it back to her. They key point is that men genuinely think that they are helping when resolving a problem for a woman. Their instinct is to help, to provide a service, to be of some use. This is what he thinks she wants. His instinct is telling him to do this, as a hunter’s instinct would have told him to provide food and shelter for his family. Men feel of value when they have provided something for a woman. The chance to resolve a personal or professional problem is often too good an opportunity to miss. His chance to be a man and help the little woman cannot be passed up. However, if the modern woman is repelled by this approach, the man needs to accept that it is the wrong thing to do and try something more subtle, something that allows the woman to get what she wants out of the exchange. If she gets what she wants she is more likely to like the man. Part of the reason why men want to solve every woman’s problems could be the macho, male-dominated environment in which we have been raised.
Men build houses, women knit cardigans; boys play
football, girls are their cheerleaders; men go to work to earn money, women stay at home with the children. At least that is the classic model - the woman playing the role of the more passive, submissive partner.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences I am not saying that the above is right or how it should be. I am merely saying that it has been the traditional arrangement and must influence the way we perceive the respective man/woman role. To a certain extent it conditions us to think and behave in a certain way about the issue. Give a woman enough time, show some interest in her and what she has to say and encourage her to talk about herself. Do this and I promise she will talk herself into wanting to spend more time with you. This is all down to understanding what men and women generally want out of an exchange. Men want to provide logical solutions and think that they are doing what the woman wants. After all, it is not an unreasonable proposition to want to help someone else solve problems in a logical fashion, is it? Well, that may be a man’s point of view, but it is not necessarily that of a woman. Women want understanding, they want to be listened to and need their views validated.
They are not necessarily interested in
solutions. I suppose if a solution is tactfully provided after a man has provided the understanding and support a woman needs, then this could work, but it is an area best avoided if in doubt. Some men will fail with women because they always try to solve her problems instead of providing the understanding and support a woman needs, getting caught in the vicious circle of endless frustration. Unless action is taken, men will always suffer from the same problems in successfully dealing with this type of issue. It is a never-ending viscous circle, as illustrated in Fig. 1, below. 41 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
Fig. 2 The Vicious Circle
Problem Frustration
Listen
Expectation
Consider Solution
The Vicious Circle works as follows:Problem: Woman off-loads her problems onto a man. She is not looking for solutions per se, but is just letting off some steam, as she would do with one of her girlfriends. Thinking aloud, if you like. We frequently talk about our problems to anyone who will listen, whereas men rarely do. Listen: Man will obviously be listening to all this, but it is how he listens that is crucial. Most men listen in the wrong way, with a view to providing a valuable service in helping to find a solution. This is what is on his mind. You are not dealing with a crossword that needs figuring out here, guys. This is 42 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences flesh and blood with emotions and needs that you must understand and treat accordingly. Consider: This is the stage where men most frequently fall down. They are considering what to do about her problem. They are working out a solution in their heads before she has even finished talking.
They feel it is their duty to find the
solution. They think it is expected of them. It is not. Solution: Further down the slippery slope. “So, your problem is A, well I would do B, C and D”, he proudly announces. He sits back in self-satisfaction and truly believes that he has done her a big favor. Expectation: He is now convinced that she will be suitably impressed with his terrific problem-solving skills. He will expect her to be enthusiastic in her gratitude. Neither his nor her expectations are met. Frustration: He is frustrated at a lack of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that he has resolved a major dilemma in her life. She is frustrated that her major problem, the one that she opened up her heart on, has been dismissed as nothing more than a minor hiccup with a simple solution. Killer Tip To be successful with women, appreciate how women think and understand what they want out of a given situation.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences Compare the Vicious Circle, above, with the Virtuous Circle in Fig. 2, below. Which one do you think women would be more comfortable with? Fig. 3
The Virtuous Circle
Problem Confidence
Listen
Approval
Hear Support
Problem: Woman off-loads her problems onto a man. She is not looking for solutions per se, but is just letting off steam, as she would do with one of her girlfriends. Thinking aloud, if you like. Women frequently talk about their problems with anyone who will listen, whereas men rarely do. Listen: The man will obviously be listening to all this, but it is how he listens that is crucial. Listening intently with no agenda of his own will endear him to the woman. If he makes the right noises it will prolong the amount of time he spends in her company. 44 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
Hear: This is an extension of listening. When you hear someone, you actually receive his or her message. If she is telling you all about her problems of moving into a new flat you are not merely listening and nodding your head occasionally, but actually taking in what she says and silently relating it to an experience you have had or can imagine having. This is where she will pick up whether you are really interested in what she is saying. Support: Support, not solutions, if you want to stay off that slippery slope. Tell her you understand (if applicable, but not if it is something you cannot truly relate to).
Briefly relate a
similar experience before quickly passing the baton back to her to allow her to give you more details. Approval: Validate her problem – i.e. confirm that it is valid and important. She will then see that you are for real and have been absorbing her message. She will like you for this. You have indicated that it is serious and not tried to brush it away with a simplistic solution. Confidence:
Your appreciation, understanding and validation of her problem have given her the confidence to continue. She may now well switch the focus to you, giving you the opportunity to talk about yourself, which is good news, but don’t leave it too long before you hand the microphone and center stage back to her. The more she is encouraged to talk about her interesting life the more confident she will become in your company.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences The woman can be confident and re-assured that if there is anything that she would want to discuss later, then the outcome will take the form of the virtuous rather than the vicious circle.
She will have the confidence to
discuss something further or introduce anything else that may be on her mind should she feel the need to. This is important, as the more a woman talks about herself, the more comfortable she will feel, the more she will come to like the man. Be mindful of the different ways in which men and women approach situations. This understanding will help her to feel at ease. It will make things easier for her. She will feel more comfortable in your company. If she is more comfortable in your company it is reasonable to expect that she would want to spend more time in your company.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences
CHAPTER 7 – TWELVE INSTANT MESSAGES WOMEN READ FROM YOU When a woman and a man meet for the first time there are many dynamics that will simultaneously ignite. As they talk and get to know each other, they will both be working out what it is they like or otherwise about one another. During this time their respective brains will be working hard to process the countless messages flashing back and forth. A multitude of information and messages are processed with the aim of arriving at a great number of conclusions. While you are smiling politely and trying to make a good impression, the brain of the woman you are interacting with is coming to the many conclusions. She will be weighing up the things she likes about you against those that she doesn’t. Your job here is to ensure that she comes to more good conclusions than bad. Fortunately for you this is not that difficult if you know how and what buttons to press. Also, looks are not that important, but more of that later. Examples of some of the conclusions she will be drawing are as follows:1.
He is friendly.
2.
He appears to be a happy, positive type of person.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences 3.
He is well mannered and very polite.
4.
He seems easy to talk to.
5.
He has a good sense of humour.
6.
His clothes aren’t that fashionable.
7.
He is reasonably smartly turned out.
8.
He smells nice.
9.
His voice his very low and quite sexy.
10.
He is articulate.
11.
He sounds as if he is well educated.
12.
I quite fancy him.
I could go on, the possibilities are endless, but I am sure you get the message. So, in the first few seconds when you first meet, all these judgments will be taking place. This will not usually be on a conscious level, as people are normally too busy concentrating on what the other person is saying and thinking about how they are going to answer to be too concerned with all these judgments, but is still happening at break-neck speed on a subconscious level. It will be working away in the background feeding what we call gut feeling into our final assessment. While we are chatting away concentrating on the words being spoken our subconscious will be making our mind up about what we think of you.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences I will be building on this knowledge by dealing with subconscious messages in more detail as part of a step further up the pyramid. Then I will talk about silent seduction, but it is important that you understand the information in this chapter first. A man’s subconscious may be going along the following lines: 1.
Do I fancy her?
2.
She has a great body.
3.
Her aroma is alluring.
4.
Does she fancy me?
5.
She has beautiful eyes.
6.
She has a nice smile.
7.
She is very well dressed.
8.
Her clothes suit her.
9.
I like her hair.
10.
She seems like a friendly type of person.
11.
She is intelligent.
12.
She is quite fun to be with.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences Notice the difference between the man’s comments and the woman’s earlier? The woman’s decision is based primarily on the man’s personality whether he is friendly, has good manners is polite, easy to talk to, has a good sense of humour etc. Compare this to the man’s criteria for whether this woman is of interest to him. It is a completely different story. There is a much stronger bias towards looks. Does he fancy her? Does she have a nice body? Does she smell nice? Does she have nice eyes? Does she have a nice smile? You are the lucky ones here, guys. If you are insecure about your looks, then forget it. As you can see from the above, whilst looks may come into the decision-making process at some point, it is far from the top of our agenda when deciding on whether a guy is right for us. If you can manage to be friendly, happy, positive, display good manners and have a reasonable sense of humour, your looks may not even come into the equation. Killer Point Men’s looks are less important when a woman is deciding whether or not a man is right for her. There can still be confusion between men and women; it is what makes the world go around. Much of this confusion revolves around physical attraction and genuine affection. More specifically how men and women differ in their understanding of these and how their meanings differ between the two sexes. Gaining a better understanding of this will allow you to be a better judge of when the time is right to move a relationship forward.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 3: Allow for Special Differences I will talk about how best to handle things when it is time to get physical in a later chapter.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
STEP 4: PREPARE IN ADVANCE – TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 STEP 5 PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 4
You will usually find that the better prepared you are for something, the better your chances of success. This is as true in dating/seduction as in any other activity. The more you can anticipate and prepare, the better you will handle a given situation when it opens up in front of you. Stay ahead of the competition by taking some simple measures to ensure that when you meet the girls you desire you will be well-prepared and ready to strike. Step 4 will provide many insights, offering suggestions and advice to improve a part of dating/seduction that is often ignored. There is much that can be done to improve your chances of success with a girl before you even meet her for the first time. There are some general 52 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance common sense measures that can improve your chances of success tenfold. It is called anticipation. You can anticipate some of the things you will need to know and do if you are going to impress a woman. This is where you need to invest a little time to drastically improve your chances of success with women. Read on to find out how a few simple measures can help you. You should be putting measures in place to improve your probability of success, wherever meetings with women may take place, not just for planned nights out. Doing it any other way is a hit or miss approach and will meet with hit and miss success levels. What you should aim for is a consistent level of success. You need a system that will generate success and be repeatable, night after night. One that you are comfortable with, which suits you, works for you and which you fully understand. The system should ensure that you prepare well for when you meet women, you look good when you meet them, you are armed with a degree of information with which to generate a conversation and are in the right frame of mind to win over any women you talk to. This section is divided into the following four chapters:Three Ways to Increase Success With Women. Finding The Right Appeal. How To Avoid Embarrassing Silences. Proven Methods To Attract More Women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
CHAPTER 8 – THREE WAYS TO INCREASE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN Be professional in your preparation and presentation. A businessman wouldn’t turn up to a meeting without reading the subject matter or preparing his argument. I hope that he would not turn up to the same meeting wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt with his favorite rock band emblazoned across the front
If he did he could not expect to be taken
very seriously. The same applies in the dating world. To turn up without a plan, dressed inappropriately and totally unprepared is sending a message to the woman that you are not serious about her. This can put her off before you even speak. This applies equally to nights out on the town, cruising the circuit looking for women and on actual dates after you have met for the first time. Anticipate as much as you can to give yourself the best chance of success. Imagine this scenario. With your glad rags on, you charge out of the front door and down the path with absolutely no plan of attack and just arrive at the destination of your deeds with no idea of how you will approach the evening’s business. You come across this heavenly creature. She is the one for you. You move across the room to make your play and then ……………. nothing happens. No chemistry, no rapport. You stumble on for a few minutes, but it is obvious that your charms are not working tonight on this particular girl. Your usual chat-up lines have not worked. She wants more. You would love to give her more, but have no plan B to call upon. What a disaster. The girl you have been waiting to meet all 54 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance your life has just blown you out after five minutes and all because you neglected to spend a little time getting yourself ready for the big moment. The big moment could arrive at any time. She could be there the next time you step out onto the street. She could be waiting at the bus stop or train station or sat next to you on the bus or train. She could be in front of you in the shopping queue, sat next to you at Grandpa’s funeral, driving your taxi home after an unsuccessful night out, about to knock on your door to try to convert you to her brand of religion or on the telephone hoping to sell you her employer’s fantastic brand of windows. I hope you get the message – she could be anyone, anywhere at anytime. She could pop up in the most unexpected circumstances at a completely unexpected time. You had better be ready honey, you would not want to waste that one golden opportunity now, would you? You would regret it forever, so you had better be prepared for it to happen. The probability of any occurrence will increase with any positive outside influence. For example, if the businessman turns up at the meeting with a briefcase full of facts and figures that he had studied and analyzed and a plan of action for getting across what he needed to, he can expect much better results than if he hadn’t bothered to even look at his notes. His preparations will positively influence the outcome. The same applies in the dating world. A plan and some homework will reap great rewards. The exact system will vary by personal preference. There is no one system that is going to work for everyone. We are all different, complex human beings and will all find ways that will suit us best. What I am going to do is present you with some ideas, which I hope will help you find the right system for you. If you can take some of what I have learned
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance and use it to improve on what you already do and enhance the personal qualities you already have, then it will have been worthwhile. Your system should cover the following areas, which I will be looking at in a little more detail later: i) Presentation. Ensure that you present yourself in the best possible light. Look good. ii) Information. Arm yourself with the necessary information to help make the difference between success and failure. Know it all. iii) Mind. Make sure that your mind is right for success. Only an open and positive mind will do. Best thoughts. Read them again. Simple statements, but powerful and true: -
Look good. Know it all. Best thoughts.
This is your homework or investment, which will positively influence the outcome of your initial meeting, first date or any other interaction.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
CHAPTER 9 FINDING THE RIGHT APPEAL If you look good the chances are that you will feel good. I am not referring to physical features or natural attractiveness, but simply making the most of what you are. Everyone has a very simple choice:1. Make the most of what you have. 2. Do not make the most of what you have. What I am referring to is your appearance or grooming. Please do not confuse this with fashion. Believe me someone can be fashionable and look a complete mess or be unfashionable and still look a million dollars. As far as fashion goes it is all about what suits you and what you feel comfortable in. Don’t follow fashion for the sake of it. If you can be a dedicated follower of fashion and still look cool, that’s great. But please remember, often the latest fleeting fashions are tomorrow’s horror story photographs, where you cringe with embarrassment every time they are produced. I understand the attraction of keeping up with what’s in, but carefully choosing what suits you and what does not will serve you better than merely following the crowd. Whether you choose to be fashionable or not (and that is your choice depending on your outlook and personality), good presentation is crucial. If you walked into a car showroom and saw a car priced in your range, which had broken headlamps and peeling paintwork, you probably would 57 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance not look twice at it. The car might actually work perfectly well and be capable of getting you from A to B every time, but you have not seen it in its best light and have rejected it on the grounds of presentation alone. Supposing you went back a few days later and the seller of the car realised the error of his ways. He had fixed the headlamps and put the paintwork right and given the whole thing a good polish. Would you now see the car in a different light? It could now be one you would consider taking a closer look at. So on the basis of appearance alone the car has been promoted from the “reject” pile to the “maybe” pile. Using the power of presentation you can enhance yourself too.
By
improving how you look you can minimize those occasions where you might be consigned to the reject pile before you have even had a chance to open your mouth. You really do not want to be falling at the first hurdle and my clients tell me that appearance is the first one. Don’t get too hung up on this one though, a guy has to get it pretty bad to blow it completely at this stage. It is well worth being aware that it can and does happen, though. The good news for you is that us women are not nearly as picky about looks and appearances as you men, as discussed earlier. Sometimes I feel like unless I have the face of an angel, the body of a Playgirl model and am dressed like Cleopatra, I may as well have stayed at home with my curlers in for all the appreciation I get from men. We are different in that we don’t judge men exclusively on how they look, but good appearance could still give you the edge over other men. Killer Point How you look can give the edge over your rivals.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance If you already realize that personal presentation is very important to making a good impression then you are off to a good start. After all, you are out to impress in as many areas as possible and the way you turn out can certainly make a positive contribution. It really is about the simple things – staying clean, smart, fit and happy. Stay Clean: No girl I know has ever told me with gushing pride about how the guy she met the night before had smelled like a bucket of wet horse manure and had enough dirt under his fingernails to start a vegetable patch. Don’t expect too many compliments if you get it right here, as she will probably just take it for granted, but get it wrong and you’re history. Smart Appearance: What constitutes smart appearance will vary with fashion, but what does not vary is that you should keep your clothes clean, reasonably neat and only wear clothes that reflect your personality. Don’t make the mistake of wearing the clothes of Mr. Street-wise Rebel if whom you really are is Mr. Nice Guy or vice-versa. Wear what suits you and put a bit of effort into looking your best. Keep Fit: You won’t be expected to be an Olympic athlete, but keeping yourself in trim never did any harm where I come from. Doing so will make you feel better and more energetic for any physical activity to come! Stay Happy: By far the biggest attraction in a man is humour and a nice smile. Keeping yourself happy and positive will lead to both being present in your life. 59 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
These really are the simple things, which should occur without anyone having to remind men, but many do fall down time and again in this area. Don’t be complacent. Get it right – don’t fall at the first hurdle.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
CHAPTER 10 HOW TO AVOID EMBARRASSING SILENCES The more information you have available, either on a date, a night out or whenever you are likely to meet someone you may want to impress, the better your chances of actually achieving success. It stands to reason, the more you think about what you will do and say in a certain situation, the better you will be prepared to handle that situation. You can anticipate much of what will happen if you put your mind to it. Good preparation will help eliminate those embarrassing silent moments when neither of you know what to say. Isn’t it awful when that happens? This can happen even if she likes you very much and wants the conversation to flow. Her nerves could get the better of her, but if you step in and get things moving again she could be relieved, grateful and impressed that you were able to do so. If you know up front as much of what you would like to say about yourself and as much about her as possible you will be armed with enough ammunition to shoot straight through any silences and blast away any hesitancy that may have otherwise existed. The following may be worth considering: Résumé
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance Produce a dating version of your résumé. I am not suggesting that you present Miss Dream-Queen with a printed résumé, smile proudly and say, “Please read this. It will tell you all about why I am the man for you”. If you did I am sure that you would receive plenty of open-mouthed, blank expressions, a fair amount of laughter and not an inconsiderable amount of outright ridicule, and deservedly so. You will not show your date résumé to the girl you want on your arm. You will not tell her that you have prepared one either. This résumé is for your benefit only. Think of all the things about you that make you a good catch for the women out there fishing in the sea of love. Think about the kind of person you are, what you can offer and what you are seeking. Think and write about the personal qualities you possess, your strengths and how they can be of benefit to any woman lucky enough to cross your path. In short, think of all the good things that you would list if you were selling yourself, just as you would if applying for a job. It will surprise you how writing these things down will make you see them in a different light. A different part of your brain is at work when you are writing compared to when you are talking, so you will produce slightly different output. This part of your brain works differently, so will produce results that may not occur to you if just thinking aloud. Write it down. Try it and see. The least it can do is allow you to have something to refer to and remind yourself what a great guy you are. In the same way as a job résumé it should cover who you are and what qualities you have which make you a good candidate. 62 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
A brief example appears below in Fig. 3. Fig 4 Personal Summary A positive individual who strives to enjoy life and its unpredictable course. I pride myself on nurturing a caring and considerate attitude to the people I care for in my life. I am fun to be with, like meeting new people and always make a big effort to get on well with those I am fortunate enough to spend time with. I make the most of my looks and body, working out at least three times per week.
Career May Dup Corporation, Chicago, Illinois. March 2003 – Present day. Southern Area Sales Manager for organisation manufacturing and selling communication systems in the commercial sector. Direct Reports: Three Achievements: Increased sales by 30% during first year in junior role. Planned and managed successful major launch of product ranges throughout state. Gained major promotion in 2004, taking responsibility for region.
B.O. Gus, Warsaw, Indiana. November 1998 – March 2003. Sales Representative for multi-national, providing telecommunications solutions to the global communications sector. Direct Reports: Ten Achievements: Number one sales representative in my area for seven consecutive months. Won major contract worth $10M through spotting and pursuing an opportunity at a conference. Promoted to Sales Manager in 2001.
Education This University,
From:
To:
Sep-94
Jul-98
Sep-91
Jun-94
Qualifications 1st Class Honors Degree in Technology Studies.
Oxford, England. That High School, Allentown, Pennsylvania. The Other College,
1st grade in 11 disciplines. 2nd grade in 4 disciplines.
Sep-88
Jun-91
Allentown, Pennsylvania.
1st grade in 11 disciplines. 2nd grade in 4 disciplines.
Personal Qualities The ability to make friends easily; A good sense of humour; A fun attitude to life; Very loyal/reliable/dependable; Open-minded; Comfortable with anyone from any background or social status; Intelligent; Well traveled, which has given me a greater insight into the diverse cultures that exist in our own country and beyond; Deep need to learn all I can about as much as I possibly can. A desire to be successful at whatever I do, whilst appreciating that balance is required to stay healthy.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance This is by no means a complete document, but is meant to provide a guide and maybe give you some ideas for one you may want to produce yourself. No rules, just a list of all the things that make you a good catch and anything you may want to remember to mention during a conversation. Your achievements need not be as grand as some of those above. Whatever you do for a living or in your personal life, there will be something of interest to others. For example, the guy at the top of the organisation could be in awe of the guy on the bottom rung of the ladder because he is a semi-pro basketball player, has run a marathon, has a fantastic music collection or is a great cook. Being unique, we are all have something different about us. I suggest that you read your résumé each time you are about to set off on a night out. Update it frequently, as you think of things and as you achieve more and become more confident. This will give you a little boost, a small reminder that you have something to offer and these things will be fresh in your mind as you get down to sweeping those waiting women right off their feet with your list of reasons why they want to be with you.
Detective Work If she is someone you have seen around or have had your eye on for some time, find out as much as possible about her. For example, where she lives, where she comes from, her tastes in music, something about her family, what car she drives, what college she went to, her job, etc. You need to be careful, though, as you don’t want to be exposed as a snoop. You have to be very discreet with your enquiries because if you are found to be digging too deeply it could spell the end of any hopes of ending up in her arms.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance Talk to mutual friends or people who know her and discreetly listen for any information you could possibly use to your advantage. Don’t ask for information outright, as this will make you appear a bit too curious, though there is nothing wrong with saying that you think she is really cute and would like to know a bit more about her. This may get back to Miss Cute and could possibly work in your favour. Once a seed is planted ………… Any information you manage to obtain is like gold dust. Even the most insignificant piece of information could be invaluable. It could spark or prolong a conversation with her and buy you the time you need to make a good, lasting impression.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
CHAPTER 11 – PROVEN METHODS TO ATTRACT MORE WOMEN To be successful at anything there is one very important pre-requisite you have to believe that you are capable of being successful. If you want to become a famous football star you have to believe that you have the ability and determination to succeed. If you want to be a success in business and make yourself rich, you have to believe that you have the talent, drive and personal qualities with which to succeed. By the same token if you want to be a dating success you have to believe that you can be successful. This does not mean that you should walk around believing that you have been placed on this planet purely as a gift to women (those that do are usually deluding themselves), but you must believe in your own mind that women can be attracted to you and that time in your company would enhance a woman’s evening. You need to feel this confidence in a very real way. If you are lacking in confidence there are many publications that will deal with this issue in much more detail than I can within the scope of this book, so my advice would be to spend some time learning about techniques which will improve your confidence. I will be recommending an excellent book to help you to improve your confidence in a later chapter. One technique that has worked for many of my clients in business is the Act Like You Count technique. When applied to a business situation it is merely to act as if you are important and as if your opinion carries weight. You will be astonished to find that people will automatically respond to 66 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance this positively. They will respond in a way that empowers you. You really can become a leader just by acting like one. After all, how do we know that the people we perceive as our leaders are not just putting on a front and getting away with it? I feel pretty sure that some are. For this technique to be successful there are no half-measures. There is little point walking into a room and saying something powerful in a halfhearted manner. For this technique to work it is all or nothing. But it does work and is extremely effective when applied with true conviction. Applied to a dating situation it would mean walking up to women with the expectation that they would be happy to talk to you. Again, if you are going to do this you need to make absolutely certain that you can carry it off. Feeble attempts, betraying a lack of confidence in what you are doing will be quickly exposed. Carry it off with conviction though and watch how others warm to you. If you have confidence in yourself, it will be reflected in those around you. You have nothing to be afraid of. If you have not met a woman before she will have no preconceived ideas about who you are and what your personality is like. What she sees will be what she gets. Your positive attitude will be a magnet for women. Your expectation of success will breed success. Your success will breed confidence and your confidence will breed success. It is a spiral of success and can be an everlasting cycle of joy if you allow it to be. All you need to do is act like you count. Applied successfully this will improve your self-esteem and confidence – essential pre-requisites for a high success rate with women. In time you will quickly move on from acting like you count to actually feeling like you count and influencing those all around you. If you value and respect yourself for what you are and enhance this with the knowledge 67 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance and techniques you will learn from this book, you have absolutely nothing to fear. Turning this on its head, if you don’t value and respect yourself, what right do you have to expect anyone else to? When out and about with an eye on which women you would like to approach, remember the good qualities you possess and focus on what is positive about you as a person, as well as applying all the useful lessons from this book. You will always have possessed those qualities. Another thing to remember is that nobody is perfect, so don’t get intimidated by Mr. Smooth over at the bar, hitting on all the best girls. I know enough to be sure that even he will have some skeletons in the closet, some insecurities and fears, as cool as he thinks he is. He will face rejection from time to time, but will maintain a positive attitude and not retreat into his shell at each rejection. It is this that separates him from some of the other guys watching in awe. There is one thing for certain, if you are confident, expect success and have a positive attitude, it cannot do you any harm. To my knowledge no one has ever actually suffered from having a positive attitude. However, a negative attitude can lead to you being hesitant, depressed, fearful, ultracritical of yourself and wasteful of any opportunities that may come your way. I know which way I have decided to go over the years. The positive way works for me every time. Whenever I talk to someone, I think to myself beforehand, “Do I want to be at least an equal partner in this conversation or am I going to just lie down and submit?” I am involved in far more interesting and rewarding conversations through choosing to play a full part. Guys, let’s face it – nobody wants a doormat. Say your piece and have the courage to say it loud. 68 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 4: Prepare in Advance
My clients prefer guys who are not hesitant, depressed, fearful or selfcritical. They want to be with the ones who make the most of life and their opportunities and demonstrate a positive approach to life. The ones who have enjoyed success with women are those whose minds are thinking in the right direction, the right direction with which to be successful with women. They are thinking positive. They are acting like they count.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
STEP 5: MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 STEP 6 MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 5
The title of this step says it all really. If you can manage to make a big impression on her during the early part of your time together, you will be remembered. There are many techniques that will allow you to hold her attention long enough to make a memorable impression. By the time you complete this step you will know how to get it right and how to avoid getting it wrong. My clients are in almost unanimous agreement that when they first meet a guy, he does not have a great deal of time to make a good impression with them – he can make it or blow it quite quickly. Or put another way, they 70 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable will know for certain soon after meeting him whether or not they are likely to have any interest. I mentioned that I have carried out a survey as part of the research for this book. I can reveal that 34.9% of women said that they would know within five minutes and a total of 58.1% said that they would know within an hour whether or not they would want to see a guy again. If they have no interest in this time the poor guy is wasting his time. Sometimes there is some interest, but she is not sure whether it is enough. In this case the guy has a stay of execution, getting a little bit longer before the threat of the trap door is once again upon him. 93% of women will know by the end of the first meeting whether or not they are interested. I am sure it is the same for you guys. You will know almost instinctively whether you are interested enough to follow-up on a girl you have met. Much of this decision process is going on in the background of our minds – in our subconscious, as discussed earlier. Whether you like it or not, impressions are being formed about you by girls as you stand before them doing your best to impress.
These
impressions are being made early and it is in these early moments that you need to be in either the “Definite” pile or the “Maybe” pile. If you find yourself clearly in the “Reject” pile you should save yourself some time and pride by moving on to try your charms on someone else. Despite this the following is very important to remember: If there is one sure thing that women have in common with men, it is that they both want to get a date. They want to like 71 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable the guy and are certainly not trying to trip him up. They are out looking for Mr. Right, just as you are looking for Miss Right. Killer Tip View dating as fun, this way you will relax and be more likely to succeed. Get out there, have fun and succeed. Nevertheless, the first moments are absolutely essential. If you get it wrong during the early part of your date, the rest is irrelevant, so it is worth putting some effort into learning how to get it right early on. I will attempt to pass on all the information and wisdom that I have gathered during my many years around women. This will help you to make the most of those early moments and, if applied well, will help you to achieve more successes than failures. However, as with other sections of the book, please remember it is up to you to put these lessons into practice. No one else can do it for you. This section is split into the following three chapters:How To Make The First Approach. Right and Wrong Methods to Make a First Impression. Conversation Starters That Grab A Woman’s Interest.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
CHAPTER 12 – HOW TO MAKE THE FIRST APPROACH Like it or not, it is men who generally have to make the first move in the human mating ritual. Some men feel that this is unfair and may argue that they have to do all the work while women merely stand there, wait for the approaching males and take their pick. They can then choose to either allow men the privilege of a little time in their company or simply reject them. I see that as looking at things from a negative viewpoint. Another way for a man to look at things is that it puts you in the position of power. Yes, that’s right, you are the one calling the shots. Why? Well, put yourself in a woman’s position for a moment. Imagine that the girl of your dreams was just across the room, but you were prevented from approaching them by social protocol. As much as you wanted to, you could only send discreet signals to this girl and hope that she was not too shy to approach you. If she did not approach, for whatever reason, you would never know why not. Was she shy, did she not pick up your signals or was she simply not interested? This is not a powerful position to be in and, take it from me, it can be a very frustrating one. You are the lucky ones, guys. You hold all the cards. You are the hunter and can choose your prey rather than wait forever for the approach to come. Your destiny is in your own hands. You can make your choice and move forward for the approach. This is natural. It is what is expected of you by society. It is what women want. Count your blessings – you are in control.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable Even if you do get turned down, at least you are out of your misery and can move on. I know women who have waited months, even years, for an approach that they thought was imminent, before giving up. Many men suffer nightmares about actually approaching a girl. This is understandable in some respects, I suppose. You are in the spotlight at these times and are expected to get out there and perform. But it is not all bad. As discussed above, you are actually in control. So what if you have to live with a bit of fear? What is it that men fear about approaching a woman anyway? What are the things that hold you all back from marching in and sweeping us all off our feet, just like the guys in the movies. Why do men panic? Do any of the following sound familiar? The very act of stepping up and approaching a woman fills me with fear. I cannot imagine what I will say as opening line. I am worried that I will not be able to keep the conversation flowing once it has commenced. I am convinced that I will not be able to be interesting and entertaining enough to keep her captivated. I am terrified that I will say the wrong thing and upset her in some way.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable My knees knock together when the time arrives to ask for her telephone number. My voice quivers when the time comes to ask her for a date? All understandable, but I repeat, what do you actually fear? Rejection? Being rejected before you even speak? Your first line being so poor that you will fall at the first hurdle? Not being able to keep things going even if you do manage to get over the first hurdle? Not being able to keep things interesting and being frozen out because of this? A reply of, “No thanks”, if you ask for a telephone number or date? This is normal. Most of our insecurities in all areas of life are fuelled by a fear of rejection. If you can learn to control this and turn it to your advantage you will be way ahead of the vast majority of other guys. Fear not, dealing with rejection and turning it into a positive experience is covered in detail later. You will overcome this. For now I want to stick with handling initial contact to your best advantage, but it was important to set the scene by identifying rejection as a driver of the fear felt by some men when having to approach women they are attracted to. I really do feel for you, as approaching girls must be difficult for certain types of men. I can appreciate the difficulty that you face. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been at a party and observed a guy looking across at the belle of the ball, with obvious desperation to go over and approach her, but quivering in fear at the very thought. Some of the questions swirling around their heads could be: -
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable Is this the right time to approach her? I don’t know what to say to her? She probably won’t be interested in me? Will she like me? What do I do if she doesn’t like me? She must be with someone else. A good way to overcome this is to use the following techniques, when at events such as parties where you do not know anyone: Stand tall. This will demonstrate that you are a self-assured and confident person who is not going to hide away. You have arrived and intend to play your part. Walk confident. Striding confidently will get you noticed. If you look as if you expect to attract women, then you will need to be noticed. Glide from room to room, scanning for anyone who clearly wishes to make eye contact. Make mental notes of anyone who catches your eye. These are potential targets for later. You will have a better probability of success with anyone who has registered your presence with eye contact. Approach only those with whom you have had positive eye contact. Anyone else is a risk. They may resent your uninvited 76 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable approach. Better to wait until they have registered your presence before moving in. Approach and pause just before you are about to enter her personal space. She should then beckon you in with a smile, eye contact or some other inviting gesture. Once she does this you can be confident of success. Nod slightly and smile. By doing this you will be showing your confidence and intent. Move in. Approach decisively and with confidence. If you expect success you will be far more likely to achieve it. Always approach a woman from the front. Approaching from behind gives them no warning of your impending approach and can be off-putting. It can startle some women. The reasons for this run very deep, with their roots in primitive times when all territory needed to be protected from predators. Don’t dive straight in for the kill if you are unsure, follow a gradual process instead: Seek confirmation of attraction and signs of encouragement non-verbally before actually approaching her. Walk nearby and give her every chance to notice you and observe her discreetly while doing so.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable Perhaps speak to a friend of hers about her. Hopefully her friend will tell her of your interest and, if interested, she will begin to flirt. Sometimes the big bang approach will work best, employing a trick that will result in an immediate conversation. This can be a gamble, but the pay off can be handsome. Some useful tips to initiate conversations in one fell swoop are listed below. 1. Wait until she brushes behind you, then turn to her as if your ass has been pinched and playfully say something like, “Hey! Do you mind?” 2. Make a note of the color of her drink and get one with the same or similar color for yourself. Position yourself near to her and put your drink next to hers. You can then pretend to pick up her drink by mistake. When she realizes your error, you can be very apologetic and offer to order her another drink, thus a conversation is initiated. 3. Time your approach to the bar just before hers. Indicate to the barman that he should serve her first, then make a remark like, “The art of chivalry is still alive and kicking in this bar”. Your gesture should ensure a positive response and improve your chances of a successful approach. Got the hang of it? Good, then you can have a go at filling in the spaces below with some possible scenarios you can think of. There are an infinite amount of possibilities, so you should be able to think of at least three of your own. The more you can think of the more options you will have when you most need them. 78 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
1. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 2. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 3. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… Another technique my good friend Paul swears by is to get a bit of mileage out of her profession. You should have something prepared for when you find out what she does for a living. You will find that most people fall into a small number of professions, so you can easily categorize these and prepare some lines. You should think of some tame ones for the cautious woman and some more risky ones for the more adventurous woman. I will show you later how to tell the difference between cautious women and adventurous woman. Paul has had great success with adventurous women using this technique. His favorite is the one he uses soon after he meets a teacher when he is willing to take a risk on her being adventurous. He says “If I am a naughty boy, will you slap my legs with a wooden ruler?” It works really well. Do you get the idea? Why don’t you list the six most common professions in your area in the spaces below and have something ready for both cautious and adventurous women in these professions:-
For cautious women: 1. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 79 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
2. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 3. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 4. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 5. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 6. ……………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………
For adventurous women: 1. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 2. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 3. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 4. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 5. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… 80 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
6. ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… For each of the above, use your imagination to create a response when she tells you what her profession is. I once met a guy for the first time and told him what I did for a living and he replied with a smile, “You manage a beauty salon? Well, if your staff are practicing on you, they are doing a great job.” A little flattering I think, but I took it in the spirit it was meant and it did make me smile. Delivered in the right manner this method can disarm her and cause her to lower her guard just a little. Over the next few days think of such a line for each of your identified professions. You can keep them for use time and again because they’re yours and only yours. Besides, no girl has heard any of them before. Whatever you take from this chapter, above all be self-assured and confident. Doing things with confidence is the only way. Anything else is a waste.
Be confident – you have absolutely nothing to lose and
everything to gain. There are only so many areas that can be covered in the scope of this book. Whilst I touch on confidence and its importance from time to time, I would recommend www.lady-killing.com/confidence as an excellent publication on confidence building.
As far as success in dating is
concerned, I think improving your confidence will be a very productive use of your time.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
CHAPTER 13 RIGHT AND WRONG METHODS TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION The first impression can really be the birth or funeral of your time with any woman. If you play your cards right it could spark the blossoming of a beautiful friendship. If you don’t, then it could be over before it has begun. I have heard it said on numerous occasions that the decision on whether we could get romantically involved with someone is usually made within the first few moments of meeting. A small selection of some of the things being assessed is as follows: Body – are we attracted? Body language – does this guy give off positive vibes? Overall image. What kind of person you are (she will have her own categorization list). What you believe in. What your priorities are. Are you genuine? 82 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
Are you fun to be with? Are you a driven person? Are you selfish? Are you confident? Are you the kind of person she wants to spend any more time with? These are just some of the conclusions her subconscious will be reaching, while you size each other up on a conscious level. It is true to say that it is a little unfair that first impressions are so crucial. Many people take a while to come out of their shells and reveal their true, buoyant, passionate personalities. Some of my very dearest friends are people I didn’t particularly take to until I had met them several times. Only once certain barriers had been broken down, did they reveal themselves to be the beautiful and special people I now know them to be. I could never have imagined being close friends to some of these people based on first impressions. The problem is that most of us will not show our true selves when meeting others for the first time. We will be guarded and keep back much about ourselves. I am sure that you will have heard the saying, “The Tip of the Iceberg”. Well, that provides an ideal illustration of how we behave when we meet people for the first time.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable We will only reveal a small part of what we are really all about. The Tip of the Iceberg, in Fig. 4, below, is all we are prepared to reveal about ourselves. The area above the dotted line is what we are comfortable revealing to others and will represent our apparent personality to anyone we meet. What lies below the surface is the true self, what we really are. Our deepest fears, emotions, opinions, needs, fantasies, etc. lie here. As you get to know someone better, more of the iceberg is revealed – the dotted line falls lower. But even if you are in an intimate relationship with someone for many years, they will never reveal everything that is under the surface. The vast majority of this is kept tucked safely away, never to be seen by anyone, no matter how closely attached. Fig. 5 The Tip of the Iceberg
(a) What people feel safe revealing
(b) The rest
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable Unfortunately, unfair or not, judgments are made by us all based on a knowledge of only a small part of someone’s personality as we communicate with others for the first time. We all have to make these judgments with such a small amount of information, as it is all we have to go on. Remember this when first approaching a woman.
Give her the
opportunity to judge you favorably. Show her your good side. Relax and let your waterline fall a little to reveal more about yourself. Create a good first impression by opening up and imagining the surface line falling, allowing you to become a more open person who others feel comfortable around. Promoting this openness will endear her to you and provide a greater level of opportunity for her to like you and want to spend more time with you.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
CHAPTER 14 CONVERSATION STARTERS THAT GRAB A WOMAN’S INTEREST So you have her attention. What do you do next? What do you say next? This will depend very much on who is in front of you.
We all come in
different shapes and sizes and this holds true for personalities too. Especially true, in fact. If Laura, one of my oldest clients, was in front of you, then perhaps, “May I be so bold as to offer you a drink and be even bolder to request that I may be permitted to enjoy the pleasure of your company while you drink it”, may work very well. Mandy, on the other hand, would laugh out loud and quickly walk away if you said something like that to her. You would be far more likely to succeed with her if you blurted out something like, “You look like you enjoy a bit of fun. Come with me and we’ll rock the rest of those hillbillies off the dance-floor”. The trick is to quickly assess which approach will work best for the girl in question. The best piece of advice I could offer would be to keep it simple early on and do not try to be too clever. Above all, be yourself. The simple, honest approach will always work better than the one employed by the guy who is trying to be too clever for his own good. If you are unsure, there is nothing wrong with the most basic first liners such as: Hi, my name is ………., what’s yours? Or 86 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
Can I get you a drink? If she likes you, she will respond accordingly whatever you say. You will obviously need to be prepared to follow up this kind of opening line. How best to generate conversation and elaborate, is covered later. What is more important than what you say is how you say it. You need to come across as confident and in control. You should have already made eye contact and established that there is a good chance that this woman is interested, so go for it with confidence. Expect success and success will come. One thing is certain - it will come more often than if you expect failure. After you have exchanged names and pleasantries you will need something else to talk about.
What often works best is to discuss
something within your surroundings, but the curtains and the carpet being a lovely match line of dialogue has only so much mileage. You will have to come up with something a little more stimulating. Whatever you select, it is important to ensure your conversation is positive rather than negative. Have you ever been trapped in a conversation with someone who can only see the negative side of life? A real drag, isn’t it? Never be surprised by how easily you can be dragged down to their level by the incessant barrage of misery. It is not the greatest way to choose to spend your time, is it? It is at times like these that you realize what a gift positive people are and how much benefit you derive from being around such people. If you want to avoid being put into the negative category by the girls you are trying to attract, you will need to be careful, as it is always easy to gripe about something if you cannot think of anything else to say. Having 87 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable nothing to say is a problem in itself, but saying nothing is better than making someone’s evening a misery. If you are going to talk, it is your business to make sure it is a positive dialogue. Examples of how positive and negative statements contrast and can influence the future direction of a conversation are detailed in Fig. 5, below. Fig. 6
NEGATIVE
POSITIVE
I really hate this DJ. He just
Don’t you think the DJ is great
keeps on talking and I hate
here?
everything he plays. Trying to get around in this
Don’t you think it is great the
place, with the tables laid out as
way the tables are laid out here?
they are, is really frustrating.
You can actually get across and talk to the people you see?
The bar is always so packed
They have some delicious
here. You have to push your
cocktails on tonight. Would
way to the front. Then it takes
you like me to get one for you?
ages to actually get served. My home town? Houston. The
I come from Houston. It’s such
less said about that the better.
a great place to live. Have you ever been there?
I work in a grocery store. It’s
I work for one of the USA’s
such a mundane, soul-
largest grocery chains. You
destroying existence. I
would be amazed at all the
wouldn’t dream of boring you
background work that needs to
with the details.
take place to ensure all the products are readily available
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable for us all to just come in and pick them off the shelves. Did you know ……
Positive statements will most likely generate further conversation, whilst the negative ones almost certainly won’t. Negative statements are an instant turn off. Your objective is to make her feel good, not depress her. Keep it light. Keep it positive.
You don’t
necessarily need clever lines, but avoid the negative and keep things flowing. Other early questions which will serve the dual purpose of keeping the dialogue flowing and providing you with information which you can store for future use: Where are you from? A brief question about family. How many brothers? Sisters? Dog? Cat? This may sound typical, boring stuff that any old idiot can come up with, but women like being asked where they are from. A woman’s mind works 89 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable differently from that of a man’s, don’t forget. We are more comfortable with settings, locations, relationships and situations. Don’t worry too much if you run a little dry. If the woman likes you she will pick things up and fill in the silences. If she is doing this and carrying you along it is a good sign that she wants to hold onto your company. If there are awkward silences you should fill them up with some of the above and hope that something sparks her interest. The subject of pick-up lines is one of the most debatable I have come across in all my time. Some women think waiting for a good one is worth smiling through a thousand cheesy efforts. Others turn away the moment that one is uttered and think only idiots would insult their intelligence with them. However, some women do like them and are won over by them, so you will have to judge for yourselves. Some of the better ones to have been repeated to me are as follows: You look gorgeous, smell lovely and have eyes to die for – I’m dying and need the kiss of life. Get your coat, you've pulled. Nice legs - what time do they open? Did it hurt? …………. when you fell from heaven where the angels are? Nice dress. That would look great on my bedroom floor. What would you like me to make you for breakfast? 90 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 5: Make Your First Contact Memorable
Are you from Mars, ‘cos your ass is out of this world? The general consensus is that a pick-up line only ever has a chance of working if the woman likes the guy in the first place, so don’t make the mistake of thinking that a pick-up line will allow you to cheat your way to success. The best piece of advice I could give to you would be that if you are uncomfortable delivering this kind of line I would steer well clear. As always, be yourself and if pick-up lines are not your thing, then don’t pretend that they are just to try to impress someone.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
STEP 6: INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 STEP 7 INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 6
Step 6 will help you become a much more powerful influence on the women you meet. With a few simple techniques, some well chosen words and application of a little secret knowledge, women will be drawn to you in ways you never thought possible. Having a conversation with a woman you want to date is a completely different proposition than conversing with one of your workmates at a bar. It sounds like I am stating the obvious, right? Well, I thought so too, but you would be amazed at how many women I know who are incredulous at the number of men who actually do this. Men actually try to impress them with things a man may be impressed by and take no account of the fact that they are not speaking to a man. 92 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
A woman’s motivation when speaking to a man is quite different to a man’s when speaking to a woman. A woman’s motivation is relationshipbased. This does not mean that every woman who ever talks to a man is measuring him up for a wedding suit within the first five minutes, but it does mean that deep down inside she will be likely to be looking for characteristics that might lead to the potential for a good long-term partner. This may not be taking place on a conscious level, but if she likes you it is likely that she thinks you would make a good potential long-term partner. If she doesn’t like you, then consider it a short exchange. In this section I will be addressing how you present yourself and communicate effectively with the object of your desire. Communication is key. If you can communicate confidently and effectively you will succeed far more than you fail. A guy who can talk to a girl and exude self-assurance will be taken far more seriously and have a head start on those who cannot, so it is crucial to your future that you learn and apply the lessons in this section. These secrets and lessons are valid from the very earliest moments with a woman and will be just as valid if your relationship blossoms into true love. Indeed, they will help your relationship blossom into true love, as you will be a great person to be around. Many are general communication techniques, applicable to a variety of situations, so you should never forget these if you want to communicate well and have a healthy relationship. The points below are important when speaking to women for the very first time, when on a first date and way beyond. They cover how to spark their interest, how to maintain their interest and how to ensure that they like you.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words I have divided this section into five chapters: The Three Things Women Most Want from Men. Twenty-Seven Ways To Hold A Woman’s Attention. Forbidden Methods To Command Women With Hypnosis. Words That Attract The Most Women. How To Increase Her Excitement With Your Words.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
CHAPTER 15 THE THREE THINGS WOMEN MOST WANT FROM MEN This chapter is applicable for both short term and long term associations with women. The lessons need to be applied from the very first moment that you meet her and your attention to them should never waver if you want to ensure that the woman in your life remains happy to be in your company. Getting straight to the point, what are the three things that women really want from men? They are as follows:i.
To be Listened to.
ii.
Re-assurance.
iii.
Compliments.
How easy does that sound? Three simple things and she is yours for keeps. Easy as it sounds, I am here writing about it because most men fail to deliver these basics. I will deal with each in turn.
i) To be Listened to.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words I will cover listening in more detail later, but I firstly wanted to associate it specifically with a woman’s acute need in the early part of an exchange. If you don’t show her that you are listening early on in your exchange you are unlikely to walk away with her at the end of the night. Have you ever been in the company of someone who you know is clearly not listening to you? You know what I mean, eyes glazed over, looking anywhere but at you, failing to supply any feedback or any indication that your words have actually registered. To top it all they then interrupt at some point and blurt out what they have been impatiently waiting to say, which may or may not be relevant to what you were just talking about. Infuriating, isn’t it? Well, that is exactly what you should not be doing if you want to engage in a potentially fruitful conversation with any women you meet. You need to listen and clearly demonstrate that you are paying attention and absorbing what she has to say. This will make her feel interesting. How is she supposed to feel valued if you are not even taking notice of what she is saying? Making anyone feel interesting and valued is one of the most powerful tools in your armory, as the more interesting and valued she is made to feel, the more she will like you. Killer Tip Make her feel interesting and she will be interested in you. Take the opposite of the above scenario. Have you ever been in the company of someone who is clearly listening intently to every word you say? Their eyes are fixed firmly on you; they are nodding their head and asking for clarity or confirmation occasionally. They only 96 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words interrupt to indicate their agreement with what you have just said, then allow you to continue. I bet you liked that person. Yes? Well, that is exactly what you should be doing if you want to engage in a potentially fruitful conversation with the women you meet. They will want to spend time in your company if you have the ability to do this effectively. The bad news for her is that most men don’t listen or do not appear to have the ability to do so. One of my clients, Tina, called in last week and was telling me all about her latest date and his inability to listen to anything she had to say. “He
usually
sentence telling
allowed
out me
me
before
all
get
the
first
interrupting
about
his
and
experience.
For example, I started to tell him how much I liked to ski.
I am not that
good, but really enjoy the social side and
the
fresh
mountain
air.
Do
you
think that I was able to get that far with him? “Of course, he had been on skiing trips to Canada, Australia and Europe. time
he
pathetic
had
finished
little
I
stories
felt
By the that
my
a
few
about
nights in a log cabin enjoying some warm food, a few drinks and a pair of lungs full
of
fresh
air
were
a
bit
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words meaningless.
Mr.
Downhill
Racer
had
made sure of that. “He kept doing this all night.
Whenever
I would try to talk about something that I was interested in he would butt-in and spew
out
all
experience.
the
details
of
his
own
I am sure if I mentioned
that I liked ham and eggs for breakfast, he
would
have
spent
the
next
twenty
minutes explaining how his great-grandma introduced the whole state to ham and eggs. “It
wasn’t
listen,
so
but
much
more
that that
he the
did
not
constant
interruptions left me frustrated at not being able to say what I wanted to say. It was like two football commentators fighting
over
the
microphone.
Why
couldn’t he just have backed off and let me say more than a few words at a time?” Are you taking this in guys? We want to be heard, not talked at. We want you to show us you are listening and that you think we are interesting.
ii) Re-assurance.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Next on her list of things she needs is re-assurance. She needs to feel comfortable and safe in your presence. If she feels that you are the kind of guy who is mature enough to understand her needs and react appropriately she will obviously be more likely to want to spend more time with you. To make her feel re-assured you will need to provide evidence that you can be:Reasonable.
Able to discuss things in a balanced manner
without getting easily upset or taking everything she says personally.
She needs to feel relaxed about discussing
potentially touchy issues with you without worrying that you could react inappropriately. Men are supposed to be the sex that thinks and acts in a logical rather than in an emotional manner. All things considered, this should be an easy one for you. There is a clear link that the more familiar you become with someone the more you tend to take him or her for granted. Often in a long-term relationship the parties become so familiar that they take each other completely for granted and cease to be reasonable about anything. That is often the root cause of the breakdown. It can begin to creep in very early, so be aware of it and banish it quickly. If you can manage to maintain your male ability to be reasonable and allow her to express her emotions at the same time you will be a much sought after partner. Sensitive.
A woman’s unique differences need to be
understood and appreciated by you. This has been covered in an earlier section, but it is well worth repeating that she needs 99 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words to be understood as someone different from you.
Your
patience in this area will be well rewarded. During the good times this will be remembered and she will feel comfortable about being herself and expressing her female emotions around you. Supportive. She will need to know that you will be strong for her in her time of need.
Women often depend on men
emotionally. Sometimes being enveloped in the strong arms of your man is the only place to be when the going gets tough– the safest place to be in the whole wide world. You need to show her that you can be the man who she can lean on when most needed. A man who can be relied upon to be a rock during tough times is always going to score high on any potential partner scale. You may not be able to actually prove that you are this kind of person during the early part of a date, but you should certainly bear it in mind as one of the qualities that would go down very well in the long term. iii) Compliments. It is not sufficient to merely compliment a woman and expect it to be appreciated. Giving compliments is an art and there is a right and wrong way to do so. The way in which a compliment should be delivered to a woman differs significantly from how a compliment would be given to a man. Compliment her in a manner that she would want. Do not make the grave mistake of complimenting her in the manner that you would 100 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words want. There are vast differences between the two and you can only hope get to it right every time if you appreciate these differences. I will take you through each in detail, leaving you with an in-depth understanding of how to make your compliment count every time. Get a compliment right and it will go a long way. Compliments to a Man When a man is receiving a compliment it is important that whatever has been provided is acknowledged and appreciated. For example, if you had taken her to the theatre, cinema or to a restaurant, a complimentary comment about the show, the film or the meal would confirm to the man that what he had provided has been approved. The man truly values a compliment about what has been provided and feels that his actions are appreciated. He is very happy. He will provide again. He has received the kind of compliment he likes to receive. To make a man feel valued, the compliment should be about what he has provided.
Compliments to a Woman Observe how a compliment to a woman differs from a compliment to a man, above. This is where men almost always get it completely wrong. Women actually think differently because we are wired to do so.
The
compliment needs to be based on her, not what she has done, is 101 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words wearing or has provided. The compliment needs to be personal. It needs to be worded carefully. For example, compare the following two compliments:“That’s a nice dress”. “You look absolutely wonderful in that dress.” The actual meaning for both is exactly the same, but the way that the first compliment is delivered will not impress her. You are saying nothing about her, only that the dress is nice, whereas in the latter compliment you are telling her that she looks absolutely wonderful, not the dress. Killer Tip To make a woman feel valued, the compliment should be about HER You should say something like: “You have a lovely smile”. “You were great fun tonight”. “You have excellent taste in music”. “You are a fantastic cook.” The key is to place the focus on her. This difference between how women like to be complimented and how men like to be complimented places the focus firmly on her.
You are giving her a direct
compliment and not saying what she wears, makes or is associated with is great. This is a subtle variation in syntax, but a crucial one nevertheless. 102 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
Some further examples appear in Fig. 6, below. Fig. 7. BAD COMPLIMENT
GOOD COMPLIMENT
That is a great photograph of you
You look great in that family
and your family.
photograph.
I like your new hairstyle.
You look terrific. When did you have your hair done?
I am glad that things turned out well You showed so much courage, for you in the end.
determination and tact to resolve all those issues. I really admire the way you made things happen.
That outfit really suits you.
That outfit was made for you – you look truly sensational.
You can also enrich compliments.
Compliments can be plain or
enriched. Some key words that will enrich your compliments: So (e.g. you are so interesting). Very (e.g. you look very attractive with your hair done that way). Really (e.g. you are a really great person to spend time with). Such (e.g. you are such good company). Always (e.g. you always look great in that hat).
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Following a compliment with a question is another very effective technique, allowing the woman an easy response. This could prove to be the beginning of a long and fruitful exchange. Remember, the more she talks, the more she will like you. Building on the examples above, the following may keep a door open long enough for you to walk in and get comfortable: You are so interesting. Wherever did you learn so much about combustion engines? You look very attractive with your hair done that way. Who does it for you? You are a really great person to spend time with. What is the secret to being so happy and positive about life? You are such good company. Did you inherit your sense of humor from your mother’s side or father’s side of the family? You always look great in that hat. It is so unusual, where did you get it? To briefly re-cap on this chapter, listen to her, re-assure her and pay her appropriate compliments in an appropriate manner, then watch as she welcomes you into her life like the guy she has always been waiting for.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
CHAPTER 16 TWENTY-SEVEN WAYS TO HOLD A WOMAN’S ATTENTION This is one area where there is no substitute for good technique. Get it right and you will be able to hold her attention for as long as you want. The number one objective in attracting women is to get their attention. You then need to maintain it and build on it throughout the exchange to put yourself in a position where she cannot bear the thought of you leaving her presence. To get the most out of any verbal exchange with a woman, whether it be at a bar, club, social gathering, down at the local store, at break-time at your night class or anywhere else, some basic communication techniques will be invaluable to you. The use of these skills should not be limited to trying to improve your love life. What you will learn here can be applied to all aspects of your life. The object of any conversation that you initiate with a woman you are pursuing is as follows: To remain in her company long enough to make a lasting impression. To achieve this you will need to ensure that the other person is: Interested in continuing talking to you.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Comfortable in your company. Inspired by what you do or say. You should possess both good listening skills and be easy to talk to before you have any right to expect women to be interested, comfortable and inspired when with you. The passages below will help you to develop your skills in these three key areas. Watch your success rate rise as you improve.
Good Listening Skills. So many men walk away from a woman thinking that they have had a great conversation. They walk back to their friends with a big smile on their face that says they succeeded big style. The next time one of your mates walks over to you like this, ask him if he was so successful, why he hasn’t got the girl on his arm. Do you want to know the biggest drag for girls when being “chatted-up” by men? It is the fact that they cannot get a word in edgeways. They cannot seem to stop the guy talking about himself, his life, his likes, his dislikes or anything else that is important to him. So what should you do? Listen more and talk less, that’s what! Some of the following will help you to make a good early impression: 1.
Ask relevant questions. This will demonstrate that you have been listening and will allow her to elaborate or expand.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words 2.
Prompt her for clarity.
This will show her that you are
interested. 3.
Block out all your own thoughts and genuinely listen. If you can truly focus exclusively on what she is saying, you will emit all the good listening signs naturally. Doing this will mean that your attention is 100% genuine – you can’t beat the real thing.
Non-verbal listening can be equally, if not more, important than what you actually say. Some of the key things to consider: 4.
Look at her. Make good eye contact, but be careful not to make her feel like you are drilling a hole between her eyes with your fixed gaze.
5.
Maintain eye contact when she is making a key point. Crucial that you show her you are paying attention if she is saying something that appears to be important to her.
6.
Lean slightly towards her to demonstrate interest. This is a subtle, but effective, movement.
7.
Angle your head just slightly to one side in order to hear her better. This silent action will tell her that you are listening intently to what she is saying.
8.
Remain still, do not fidget or make swaying motions. Too much movement will put her off and suggest that you are not concentrating on what she is saying.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words 9.
Stay calm – calmness exudes confidence. Confidence breeds confidence.
Good Verbal Communication Skills Here are some general hints to make sure that you come across clear, polished and in control. Control is a key driver in appearing attractive to women: 10.
Speak slowly enough for your words to be understood and digested, but not so slowly that you sound ponderous.
11.
Speak clearly. Speak to be understood. The last thing you want is her craning her head forward in a vain attempt to hear your mumbles. If you are going to say something, make sure that you say it with conviction.
12.
Speak to be heard. Some people, who perhaps lack confidence, lower their voice when they speak because they think that this will somehow protect them from any risk of ridicule. No one hears anyone who talks in a whisper. As above, if you are going to say it, say it with conviction or there is little point in opening your mouth.
13.
Focus on her. Develop a deep curiosity in everything about her. Listen to what she says and the things she talks about for opportunities to probe for more detail. This will have the added benefit of occupying your mind to stop you becoming nervous. Following pauses, you can ask her all the questions that have been building up.
She will enjoy talking about her favorite 108
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words subject – herself.
She will think that you are a wonderful
conversationalist for allowing her to do so. 14.
Use the 70:30 rule. For optimum conversation, if she is doing about 70% of the talking, you have it just right. Talking about herself most of the time will leave her feeling that you are a great person to be around. However, it will be necessary for you to take some part in the conversation and provide input from time to time – key input, which will allow her to spend even more time on her favorite subject.
Most of this 30% is made up of
questions, encouragement, illustration and emphasis on where you can relate to what she is talking about. Don’t forget, don’t be tempted to hog the lime-light for too long – make sure you let her have center stage back after your occasional cameo performances. 15.
Go through the open and closed question routine. Closed questions invite a simple, one word answer, whereas open questions invite responses where she will have to elaborate, keeping the conversation flowing. Examples of closed questions: Do you like music? Do you like your job? There are only a limited number of responses to questions like these – “yes”, “no”, “It’s OK”, “not really”, “sometimes” etc. Examples of open questions: 109 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
How did you come to learn so much about African music? Why do you enjoy your work so much? Can you see how it would be difficult to answer these questions with simple, one-word answers? Both invite elaboration. It is important that you follow-up with more open questions. If you work on getting into this habit, you should never get stuck in a conversation that starts and splutters like an old car on a cold, wet morning. When asking open questions the key words to use are: Why? When? How? What? Which? Where? If you insert one of these into every question, you will be guaranteed to extract much more than a one-word response. The question will be tailored to gaining an answer requiring elaboration.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Some key techniques that will help are as follows:16.
Emphasize Key words. Emphasize certain words for effect and focus.
See how the simple statement, “He was absolutely
wonderful”, can be delivered in four different ways to completely change the emphasis:“He was absolutely wonderful”. Emphasizing it was he that was wonderful. “He was absolutely wonderful”. Emphasizing the past tense. “He was absolutely wonderful”. Emphasizing that his wonder was absolute. “He was absolutely wonderful”. Emphasizing wonderful for additional effect. It is not that important what you emphasize and on what subject, only that you sprinkle your conversations with a few spoonfuls of emphasis to enlighten it. It livens up your delivery and keeps your conversation partner alert. 17.
R.E.Q. Remember this simple acronym for what is required to control a conversation and keep it running during an initial exchange, on a date or anywhere. Use this and you can wave goodbye to those embarrassing silent moments. The letters stand for Respond, Elaborate and Question.
Respond – answer the question. Elaborate – give a little more information voluntarily. 111 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Question – end with a question of your own to keep the conversation flowing.
For example, if she asks where are you from, rather than merely saying, “I am from Milwaukee” (which would be a real conversation stopper for reasons that have nothing to do with Milwaukee), you should say something along the lines of: “I am from Milwaukee.” Response. “It’s a great place to live. It is especially great if you happen to like beer, as the large number of German immigrants in the early days turned the place into a major beer-brewing center.” Elaboration. Where do you come from?” Question. This provides her with an answer to her question, plus a little additional information, then an invitation for her to talk about herself. If hers is a one-word answer you can try to get her to elaborate. If she answers simply, “Boreville”, to your question about where she comes from, you can ask her where that is, if it is a large town, what are the major industries, what is the nearest city or her opinions on anything about the town.
This should
open things up a bit. Once you have initiated the conversation, the following tips will help to keep it alive for as long as you want: 18.
Memorize any key words/phrases she uses. You can use these to expand the conversation and generate more details about her 112 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words and her life. For example, if she says that she works in a hospital on a young children’s ward, you have two key words/phrases: Hospital. Young children. You can now look forward to asking her a range of questions about the latest health issues plus young children in general. She will enjoy talking about what she does. 19.
Humour – we all have a sense of humour, but some are better than others at using it. Making a woman laugh or smile at something funny is potentially the most powerful tool in your armory. Unless you are extremely confident that you have a wonderful sense of humour and always make people laugh wherever you go, you are best sticking to a safety-first strategy, initially at least.
I have read claims that anyone can be made into a
comedian, but I dispute this. I believe that humour is the one area where those who are very good are simply born that way. Yes, we can observe and learn from those who make us laugh, but you should stick to your own style. Keep it simple, look and listen for opportunities to be light-hearted in your own way. A steady stream of gentle humour is often more effective than trying too hard to generate hysterical laughter. Many women are not relaxed enough on a first date to let themselves go completely and will not respond with a full belly
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words laugh no matter what. They will not let their guard down enough for this to happen, so a modest approach is often best. Another way to look at this is a man who is continually looking for laughs will not get taken seriously in the long-term. It is great to be with someone who can make you giggle at the drop of a hat, but we do need our men to have a mature side. Comedians often don’t, they never stop fooling around. This can be as unwelcome as someone who is always serious. Basically what I am saying is that, if you have the ability to make people laugh easily, that’s a great gift to have, but don’t overdue it. Most women can only take so much fooling around and will need you to have a serious side too. If you can find the right balance you have an even greater gift. Use your gift and enjoy the rewards it brings you. If you do not have the gift of humor, don’t try to convince yourself that you have. Don’t worry though, there are still ways you can amuse the women in your life. Just be a little lighthearted when you can, looking out for gentle humor. If she likes you for your other qualities, a slight lack in humour will not be a problem. Remember, everyone is different. We all have our own personalities and different mixes of strengths and weaknesses. Be comfortable with your mix. 20.
Keep some detail back. Women prefer you not to pour out everything to them immediately. They prefer a slow, drip-feed of information. Don’t drown them with lots of detail straight away. Encourage them to talk about themselves as much as possible.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words When prompted you can reveal a little about yourself and your life before steering the conversation back towards her life. Imagine, if you covered everything about yourself in the first twenty minutes, what are you going to talk about later. Keep something in reserve if you can. In the same way as it is wise to have a little money tucked away for a rainy day, it is wise to have some details tucked away until you need to use them. 21.
Smile during conversations – not strictly a verbal quality, I know, but crucial to a positive conversation nevertheless. Smile when you talk - it warms hearts like nothing else. A smile could turn her bad day into a good one, her misery into joy, her doubt into boundless enthusiasm or her suspicion into affection. Smiling and its effect on others is pure magic. It has its own unique spell. It has its own mystique. Practice smiling. Learn to smile more. Find more to smile about. Whatever you do, smile. Smiling more will make a massive difference to your life and how others feel about you. You will be seen as an open, positive person. Do you want to be viewed as an open, positive person? Do you want to be viewed as a person that people want to be around? Do you want to be viewed as someone who is easy to approach and get along with? Smile more and it will happen. Killer Point Your smile must be a genuine one to have the desired effect. 115 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
If there is one thing that women tell me that attracts them to a man, it is a nice smile. It is the most popular reason for liking a guy in the first place. If he has a friendly, genuine smile, he has got a much better chance of attracting women. I hope you have got the message, but, if not, I will be talking more about smiling later. 22.
Maintain
a
reasonable
level
of
eye
contact
during
conversations – another one that is not strictly verbal, but is such an important element of any fruitful conversation. This can be a delicate balance to achieve.
If you avoid eye contact
altogether, you have little or no chance of making an actual connection. However, if you are too heavy on the eye contact you are in danger of subjecting her to madman’s gaze. If she maintains eye contact with you for more than a few seconds it is a very good sign that she is sending a “come and get me” signal to you. Eye contact is right up there with smiling as the most frequently occurring reason why women fall for certain men. Strong eye contact, or lack of it, could be the difference between getting the girl and not getting her. 23.
Use her name – people instinctively feel more comfortable with you if you use their name. “Familiarity” and “friend” are the messages that are fed into the subconscious when your name is used. I have tried this myself with clients and it works. You can tell the difference in the way they respond to you when you use 116 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words their name more. It is obvious that they feel more comfortable with you and tend to open up more. 24.
Apply job interview skills. Don’t worry, this does not mean dressing up in a suit and tie and proving yourself in front of a panel of imposing professionals. All I am saying is that some job interview skills are transferable to dating.
There are some
common elements: You are trying to win someone over. You are trying to persuade them that you are the right person for the role that is available. You are competing with others for the grand prize. You will be listening for key pieces of vital information that you could use to your advantage. Good communication skills are important. It is about putting yourself across in the best possible light. Your preparation really should pay dividends here. Just as in a job interview, the more you know about your subject (that is, technique and the corporation applied to), the better your chances of success. This translates in dating to the more you know about technique and your subject, the more likely you will be to get what you want.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words 25.
Once you have her attention – keep it. If you have managed to make the approach successfully, your next objective is to keep her happily interested in your company for as long as possible. To do this you must express yourself positively and confidently. The vast majority of women will make up their mind whether or not they like you very early in the conversation. It is therefore essential that you make a good impression early on, then let the woman tell you all about her career, interests, friends, family and anything else that is important to her. This is where all your preparation and technique will pay off. You should now be well versed in the art of conversation and how to listen for any information that could help you to promote lengthy dialogue. Body language is very important too – that will be covered in detail later.
26.
Be prepared to disagree with a girl on a first date or when you first meet. Stating your own opinion, when different, will win you respect and prove that you are not a doormat type, who will just lamely agree with everything she says. Don’t be a “Yes Man”. Even on a first date be prepared to have your say. You will need to demonstrate strength to win her respect. Nobody wants a guy with no opinions of his own. Don’t get carried away, though. You need to bear in mind that it is important to disagree in the right fashion. Calmly and tactfully state that you don’t entirely agree with her point of view on that particular issue and move things on as quickly as possible. If you can manage to make light of it, then that is even better.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words The last thing you want is an argument about new government policy, religion or some other potentially explosive issue she feels strongly about. Quietly state your opinion, if different, and move the conversation on. Do not dwell too long on something you disagree about, but stating your opinion will demonstrate that she is talking to someone who is assertive enough to say what he thinks.
My experience tells me that most women
appreciate this. 27.
Employ the Ziegarnic Effect. If either of you needs to go to the bathroom, get a drink or break off for any reason, your objective must be to make sure that she cannot wait for you to get back and pick up where you left off. Just before you are to part start to tell a short but compelling story and leave her hanging with, “…..and I’ll tell you happened next when I/you return” Have something prepared for this moment. An interesting or funny story, perhaps. It will need to be something with some detail worth holding back – a twist, a punch line etc. Practice this so you are polished at delivering it when you need it. The chief benefits of using this technique are:-
It will act like a hook and line while you are apart, keeping her attached and giving her a reason to want to get back together.
-
It will ensure continuity when you restart your conversation. A break in the conversation can often prove fatal. Using this technique it will quickly seem like there never was a break. 119 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
On completing this chapter you should now have an appreciation of what you need to make a success of your exchanges with women. Put these techniques into
practice
to
create
stimulating
and
invigorating
conversations with women. If you can stimulate and invigorate then you will be one step closer to generating attraction.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
CHAPTER 17 FORBIDDEN METHODS TO COMMAND WOMEN WITH HYPNOSIS There are certain words and phrases that have a very powerful influence on the mind of the receiver. In your case that means the women you are trying to win over. If you want to learn about key words and phrases that will make sure that she stays totally focused on you, this chapter is a very important one. Read it, absorb it and take the lessons away to help you to control conversations. Professionals use these key words and phrases in disciplines such as sales and psychology. They are employed to tap into the minds of those they want sell to, or to have influence over. They have an immediate and hypnotic impact on the mind, instantly gaining the attention of the listener. Used correctly they can ensure that the other person’s attention remains locked onto you and the message you are trying to convey. The use of these words and phrases will hook her. Dropping one or more in from time to time will ensure that she stays hooked on you and what you are saying. Apply the following lists of suggestions and observe as she only has eyes and ears for you. A quick cautionary note – this is not an attempt at trying to teach you how to actually hypnotize a woman. It must be stated that only those who are professionally trained to carry out the procedure safely should attempt hypnosis.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words My aim in this chapter is to provide you with some key words and phrases with which to help you gain more control of a conversation and lock her attention onto you. Once you have finished you should be skilled in the art of locking her attention exactly where you want it.
Five Hidden Hypnotic Commands Get women to obey your commands. Of course you won’t want her to realize that you have made a command, as most women will resent this. Softening your words before the command will camouflage its actual purpose. If you prefix your command with a gentle statement it will not be viewed as a command at all, but more of a polite request she will find difficult not to comply with. Think of some things you would ask a girl and prefix them with my top five, below:1. “I was wondering if you would ………………..” 2. “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask, but ………………..” 3. “You don’t have to do this, but ………………..” 4. “You are probably already aware ………………..” 5. “I hope you don’t mind me asking ……………….” See how the first few words serve to soften the question. It will knock her ever so gently off guard. You can add a command to any of these and expect it to be complied with. 122 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
Alternatively you may be able to think of some more yourself, which will be equally or more valid. Think of as many as you can to draw upon during your conversations with women. They can help you to gently steer the conversation to your course.
Five Most Effective Forbidden Hypnotic Words Successful hypnotists are well aware that words ending in “ly” are very powerful and demand attention from the listener. They are absorbed into peoples’ minds like water into a sponge. Here are my personal favorites:1. Clearly 2. Obviously. 3. Definitely. 4. Especially. 5. Completely You should slip these key words into your sentence to add some emphasis and to focus attention. For example ……… “…… and obviously far more successful, especially when you consider he was completely focused.”
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words I hope that you clearly get the message, as you should definitely apply it when charming women.
Five Hypnotic Ways to Get a “Yes”. If you end a statement with a question it can induce people to automatically say, "Yes". They will not think about it, but are conditioned to confirm what you are suggesting. Making the positive statement invites them to do so too. The following five statements will result in a positive response:1. “You will have another drink, won’t you?” 2. “You look after yourself well, don't you?” 3. “You’ll be here when I get back, right?” 4. “You know what I am saying, don't you?” 5. “You are a really positive person to have a conversation with, aren't you?” How can she refuse when you have already planted the answer to your question in her head? Think of some more of your own. Memorize these to help you take command of conversations.
20 Ways to Focus Her Attention on You
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Use the following to switch her immediately on to what you are talking about. If you have something important to say, which you need her to be focused on, here are some very effective words and phrases that can help. Used immediately prior to your point, they will help to instantly swing her attention your way. 1. “Promise you won’t repeat this to anyone, but ……….” 2. “Now don't miss a word of this ……….” 3. “Do you want to know a secret?” 4. “Now listen closely ……….” 5. “How good are you at keeping a secret?” 6. “I shouldn’t really be telling you this, but ……….” 7. “Stop!” 8. “You’re not going to believe this, but ……….” 9. “Here’s something you will really want to know about.” ………. 10. “Listen to me ……..” 11. “Did you hear about ……….?” 12. “This is straight from the horse’s mouth ……….”
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words 13. “This is dynamite ……….” 14. “Did you know ……….?” 15. “Now get this ……….” 16. “Forget everything else and listen to this ……….” 17. “I have a problem ……….” 18. “Here's a secret!” 19. “Pull up a chair and hear this ……….” 20. “Here's a confession ……….” Again, I am sure that you can think of more examples. The more the better as far as you are concerned. Used sensibly this technique can quickly drag the attention and concentration back to where you want it to be – on you. Choose your moments for use of the techniques in this chapter. Used well they can be among the most effective ways to ensure that you stay in control of a conversation. As you become more confident and skilled, you will find that you will be able to steer a conversation in any direction you choose. However, if these tricks are overused or abused, it is possible you will alienate her by coming over as too controlling. Be careful; sprinkle your conversation with these techniques to draw her back in when you need to rather than using them as the foundation for your conversation.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Use them wisely to steer your chosen course. Use them wisely to win with women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
CHAPTER 18 – WORDS THAT ATTRACT THE MOST WOMEN Attraction is a complex issue and is not only determined by how we look, talk and act. If the solution were this simple it would have been found a long time ago. As we are all still working on the answer, something deeper must be occurring. Women who cannot fathom why they are attracted to the men they keep returning to pass through my salon every day. They simply cannot explain why they have ended up with these guys, but still love them and still pine when they are not around. I will try to explain this in the following passages. Your ability to become attractive to someone and maintain that attractiveness depends on two separate sets of variables. They are what I like to call The Easy Part and The Hard Part. The Easy Part includes the things that are easy to explain and relatively easy to attain, the Hard Part includes those that are not. The Easy Part – the conscious things. These include dressing well, cleanliness, presentation, awareness and possessing the ability to communicate well. If you are failing in this department it is fairly simple to fix what is wrong if you have a good, hard look at yourself in the cold light of day. This really is something that can be improved dramatically 128 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words with just a few simple steps. Some of the communication and confidence improvement won’t just get better overnight, but with practice and a true commitment to getting it right, the improvements should start showing fairly quickly.
You will
become more attractive to the opposite sex with each small improvement. The Hard Part – the subconscious element. You will know little of this. The key is to develop the five qualities that will make you attractive to any woman.
These qualities have an impact on
women at a much deeper level than mere good looks or a friendly demeanor. They make you attractive to a woman without her being able to consciously understand why. The Five Elements of Guaranteed Attraction are as Follows:Create Mystery/Intrigue Glow With Confidence Show Drive Take Ownership Add Value
Create Mystery/Intrigue Keep her guessing. This is very difficult to create artificially, but all of us have an inner mystery and intrigue just waiting to be used for our benefit. 129 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words We all have vast amounts of inner feelings, thoughts, fantasies and dreams swirling through our heads twenty-four hours a day. We do not share most of these thoughts, even our closest friends and relatives, so there is plenty of mystery in all of us. This mystique creates power - a power over the other person. You hold an important card in your hand that they cannot see, but desperately want to. Some people use this power to their advantage better than others. To achieve this position of mystique, try the following, but you must be subtle: -
Keep a little information back occasionally.
-
Keep her guessing about something.
-
Don’t show all your hand – keep some of your cards close to your chest.
-
Just give a knowing smile and make no comment about something occasionally. She will be desperate to find out more, even if she pretends otherwise – it is human nature to be curious.
-
A private laugh at the right time will create curiosity in her.
Be subtle. It is all about creating curiosity and gently planting the seed of wonder in her mind, deftly generating the idea that there is still something that she needs to know about you.
Something that she cannot quite
explain, but makes her return for more: something that keeps her imagination and interest in you alive.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words A little je ne sais quoi, if you like, will help you to gain control of the seduction situation.
Speak With Confidence People who have confidence appear to be in control. Fact: women are attracted to men who are in clearly in control. This is undisputed and my clients back this up every day. If a man looks in control of his life, his time, his emotions and everything else around him, he becomes an attractive proposition for any female. So, to attract more women, you should aim to appear in control. You should aim to achieve the following as a minimum:-
Create the impression that you are in control.
-
Speak confidently, clearly and with the conviction of someone who expects to get the desired result. Watch with amazement at what difference this makes to how people react to you.
-
On a date, take the lead in deciding time, date, venue etc. 83.3% of survey respondents said that their current boyfriend/husband chose where to go on a first date. The survey respondents are still with this guy, so the message is clear if you want a future with this girl.
-
Instead of asking her where she wants to go, take the lead and suggest somewhere. It is most likely that she will go along with you and you have demonstrated that you are in control – this is a 131 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words big turn-on for women. 64.3% of survey respondents said that their current partners took them to the bar for a drink on their first date. That’s current partners (i.e. they are still with that person), so this must be good policy. It may not seem like a life-changing revelation, but it does confirm that the bar may be a good place to go. -
If there is something specific you have discovered about her or have become aware of a particular interest of hers, taking her somewhere relevant to this may be a better option than taking her to a bar. If in doubt you could do much worse than the bar, as it is a consistent winner.
-
Either way you will have a plan that is dedicated to making her evening a pleasant one. This puts you in control and able to rollout your evening for maximum effect.
You will learn about how confidence can improve your chances of success later. Create a Purpose Men with a purpose in life are more attractive than those without. Most women I know desperately want to meet Mr. Driven. This does not mean that you must have a plan to rule the world within the next three years or be destined to end your days on the love scrap heap. You just need to demonstrate that you have a purpose, that’s all. Your purpose could be that you are happy in your current job and intend to continue being happy there for the foreseeable future. That’s OK, you know what you want. It’s not Knight on a White Horse material, but it’s a purpose and a whole
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words lot better than no purpose at all. This guy knows what he wants, even if he is not reaching for the sky. It is those drifting through life with no conviction, no ambition or no reason for getting up in the morning other than they opened their eyes, who may have a problem. To develop this area as one of your strengths is quite easy. You simply need to think about what you want from life and map out how you are going to get there. Supposing you decide that you want to climb Mount Everest as a key goal in your life (this is an example I have chosen purely for illustration purposes, so please don’t think that you have to try anything this ambitious). It’s a great goal to have, but there is a big difference between having a goal and knowing how you will achieve it. That is what separates the people with drive from those who do not possess it. You will need to list all the things you need to do to achieve your goal. This could include the following:Build/join a team – it would not be a good idea to go alone. Develop necessary fitness levels – even the super-fit would need some specialist, targeted physical development for a challenge of this magnitude. Training/education – some additional skills and knowledge would also be essential. Acquire funding – it is probably not a cheap form of exercise, so money could be an issue. 133 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
Set dates/timelines – when would be good time? Local conditions would need to be considered. There would surely be much more thought and planning than above required for such an expedition, but the point is, to demonstrate drive you need to know where you are going, how you will get there and be determined to achieve your goal.
Take Ownership Take responsibility for your life. Don’t blame any problems you may have on external factors. No one wants to hear why your awful plight in life is the fault of somebody or something else. Whether things are good or bad for you, take ownership and accept that there is only one person who can influence the ultimate outcome. That person is you. It is also your responsibility to make her happy during your initial conversation, on your date and during whatever time may you spend together. Remember, no excuses. It is up to you to make her happy. If you achieve this, give yourself a good pat on the back for a job well done. If you don’t, then accept the responsibility lies with you. The success or otherwise of your date lies in your hands. Adopting this attitude will empower you and ensure that you come across as strong and in control.
Increase Your Value
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words You will need to be perceived to be worth winning and of some value to any women with a potential interest. Where something in life is obtained too easily it is of reduced value. This is true in relationships too. Here are some illustrations that should help make this point: Things given too cheaply are of little value. If it comes too easily, it is not recognized as valuable. For example, a CD given free with a magazine or newspaper does not take on the same value as one you bought from the music store.
It may well be of
comparable or even superior quality, but it will not be valued to the same extent as those you have gone out and paid for. We only value things we earn. Something you work hard to achieve is perceived to be of greater value than something put on a plate for you. If she earns the right to be with you, she will value, respect and appreciate you more.
Be careful, I don’t want to give the
impression that you should try to make her chase you from bar to bar, night after night. This is neither desirable nor realistic. If you treat her like this, if she has any sense, she will move onto someone else pretty quickly. It is all about skillfully leaving a little to the imagination without her realizing that you are doing it. We all want what we cannot have. The urge to have what is unattainable is very powerful.
If the unattainable suddenly
becomes within reach it is an almost irresistible proposition. The person who is interested the least holds all the power. If you can manage to play it cool it will sometimes work in your favor – transferring the power to you. If you can cleverly use this 135 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words technique, the desire of the women you meet to embrace you into their bosoms could increase to fever pitch by the time you move in for the kill. Warning:
You must remember that the suggestions above are techniques to help you win her over in a subtle way and is only a small part of an overall strategy to help make sure that she falls for you. You must still be seen to: -
-
Treat her well.
-
Understand her needs.
-
Be sensitive to her needs.
-
Take care of her needs.
-
Allow her to have the pleasure of talking about herself.
-
Make her feel interesting.
-
Compliment her in a manner that will make her feel great about herself.
-
Be genuinely interested in her.
-
Listen to her.
-
Be the best you can be for her.
So, it can be seen that making yourself attractive involves more than just dressing well and making yourself pleasing to the eye, nose and ear. Attraction at the deepest level goes far beyond conscious qualities that we can see, smell and hear. Killer Tip Think of yourself as a prize for any woman rather than a free gift.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words
CHAPTER 19 HOW TO INCREASE HER EXCITEMENT WITH YOUR WORDS Just like you guys, we girls like a bit of excitement in our lives. If you want to be a big hit with that girl you have been admiring for ages or maybe one who has just caught your eye recently, it will help your cause if you come across as an exciting person to be with. Be someone she will actually want to spend time with. You are very fortunate in that you are going to get some free help here from a multi-billion dollar industry we have all heard of, but more of that later. I hope you are not sat there right now with a panicked expression on your face, backing away in fear, thinking that you have to be capable of doing triple somersaults, get a job as an international spy or become a majorleague sports star to have any chance with the girl you want. That is not where I am coming from.
That is not what I mean by
excitement. If that were the case, the acrobats, spies and sports stars would have all the women to themselves, which is certainly not the case. Whilst these people seem to do pretty well, normal people with ordinary jobs and interests can be exciting too, but in different ways. With a little knowledge, confidence and a knack of playing your cards right, you can attract your share of women too.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words On the opposite side of the coin us women are generally about as interested in hearing about what an exciting guy you are as we are about being told about your grandpa’s collection of pocket watches. Much as you would like to persuade her that you are exciting and that she desperately needs to be with you, she will prefer that you demonstrate this by your actions. Applying what you read here will help. Don’t talk yourself up – let your actions speak for you. So, how do you become exciting?
How is it possible to excite her
emotions to such an extent that she will want to see you again and again? Read on and all will be revealed. I bet you never realised that you can copy the secrets of a multi-billion dollar industry to realize your dream of attracting women at will. This industry achieves phenomenal success year after year by using a very simple technique that has worked like a charm for more than a century. Replicate it successfully and you will be a magnet for women. They will be unable to drag themselves away from you. To find out how you can use the secrets of this glamour industry for your own amorous aims, please read on. The technique is so easy to acquire I am astounded that hardly any men appear to be aware of it. Another thing, it is so effective it could have been designed with the sole purpose of giving men the ability to melt a woman’s resistance at any moment. The technique is a very simple one and is based on playing on the emotions of the women that you meet. Your goal is to reach a situation where she associates seeing you with strong feelings of any kind. This is not just limited to positive feelings. As long as her reaction is a strong one, it will make a huge impression on her. If you are associated with this
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words you will be right at the forefront of her mind until she next sees you. In fact she will need to see you as soon as possible. Naturally, it is best if the emotions you generate are positive rather than negative, but you can profit from negative emotions too. In this case you will need to rescue the situation by turning negative into positive emotions. But doing this has a multiple effect, thus creating very strong emotions indeed. The multi-billion dollar industry? Why, Hollywood, of course. This is exactly the same technique as the film studios use to persuade us to part with billions of dollars of our money every year to see its movies. What is your favorite movie? Answers to this question vary by person, of course. I bet your favorite is one that made you laugh, cry, left you happy, sad, scared or provoked some other strong emotion within you. Is it that new action packed blockbuster that had you pinned back in your seat for fear of actually being dragged into the action? Maybe it is that timeless classic of yesteryear that always brings a warm feeling or the riotous comedy that you laughed about for weeks after? Discussions stretch well into the night on this subject in my house. One thing I know for sure, the reason you remember your favorite is because it moved you in some way that others failed to do. That is what Hollywood does – it plays on our emotions and does it very well. Women are particularly susceptible to emotional manipulation, but to achieve your aims you will need to penetrate them by doing one or more of the following: -
Make her laugh.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words -
Make her cry.
-
Make her happy.
-
Make her sad.
-
Make her smile.
-
Make her scowl.
-
Make her angry.
-
Provoke any other reaction associated to strong emotions if you want to be remembered.
Warning:
Never deliberately set out to merely play with her emotions before you have made a good impression or you may lose her before you have started. What you should be trying to achieve is a high emotional state after you have initiated a conversation and been accepted by her. Be a good guy first. Then you can skillfully provoke her emotions a little later.
Even if you have made her sad it is a very strong emotion that you have provoked. If sadness does occur, you will need to turn things around, as you clearly cannot leave her feeling down every time you arrive on the scene. Being associated with a character such as the Grim Reaper will not be good for your dating prospects. But if you can manage to turn sadness into happiness, it will be the most powerful emotion of all, multiplying the positive force to leave her in virtual ecstasy.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 6: Increase the Power of Your Words Some methods you can apply to leave her in a positive frame of mind will be dealt with in a later part of the book. Your aim is to generate strong feelings to put you to the forefront of her mind. You want her to remember you so that the next time she sees you she will not group you in with all the other guys she has met. You will have a special place. You will be the guy who made her laugh, scream or told her a moving story that made her happy or sad. Whatever it is, if her emotions were stirred she will remember you and want to return to you for more. Give this technique a try and watch them melt in front of you to allow you to take control. The people at Hollywood know what makes us women come back for more. The evidence is on your TV screens and in the cinemas every day. Take a leaf out of their book to make sure they keep coming back to you.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
STEP 7: PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS
STEP 10 STEP 9 STEP 8 PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 7
This is a very important step. It is one that could either propel you up towards the pinnacle or send you tumbling back down the pyramid if you are not careful. Allowing negative thoughts or experiences to weigh you down can be very destructive. Fortunately, a positive frame of mind and a willingness to embrace any mistakes you may make or imperfections you may have will allow you to stride confidently towards your goal. Step 7 deals with learning and moving forward as a result of the things that do not go quite to plan, as opposed to being held back by them. You have to allow for the fact that the world is full of individuals, all with their own view on how things should work and what kind of people they like, dislike, are attracted to and are repelled by. No set of rules, no matter 142 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks how insightful or well researched will apply to all. Put simply, we live in an imperfect world, full of imperfect people. Bearing all this in mind you need to accept that, unless you are the immaculate individual who never puts a foot wrong or says a single word out of place, you are a member of the imperfect world along with the rest of us. As such, you will need to get used to the fact that, no matter how hard you try, you will not be universally adored. As the famous saying goes, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.” As well as one of the most famous sayings, it is also one of the truest. Do not think that you will never make a mistake or that everyone will love you, as this is simply unrealistic. This section will deal with the fact that we are not perfect. It is split into two chapters:The Twelve Greatest Mistakes Men Make With Women. The Five Most Important Lessons to Learn From “No”. In the first chapter I will highlight some areas of potential failure. Read the second chapter to learn how to deal positively with rejection and move forward as a stronger individual for any negative experiences.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
CHAPTER 20 – THE TWELVE GREATEST MISTAKES MEN MAKE WITH WOMEN Let’s make something clear - we are all human. So, by definition, we all make mistakes. Mistakes enable us to learn lessons; so don’t get too hung up on it. What we are dealing with in this chapter is mistakes and how to avoid some obvious ones that could cost you the chance to spend some precious time with a precious girl. I will identify the pitfalls you will need to avoid if you are to have any chance of spending even more time in her company and walking away with the ultimate prize. I list below the twelve greatest mistakes that a man can make when trying to impress a woman. These are errors identified by the many women I know and whose opinions I value. They come up time and again. Avoid these and you will find it difficult to go wrong. I have listed the top five offenders below (whatever you do, don’t trip up on any of these): 1. Talking about previous partners/love life – taboo subject. Wait until you know someone quite well before you plunge into this murky and dangerous world. 2. Arrogance – if you are too sure of yourself and too selfcentered you could be in trouble. Focus on her. 144 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
3. Not smiling enough – if you don’t look as if you are enjoying yourself how do you expect her to know that you are. 4. No eye contact – look at her. 5. No condom – please guys, we are cool about this and need to know that you are serious about safe sex. And the rest, which could also save you one day if you commit them to memory ………………. 6.
Talking about yourself too much – ask her about her life instead.
7. Jumping in and offering solutions to problems – let her talk; draw out what you want with open questions; 8. Poor personal hygiene – it’s not too much to ask. If you get this one wrong there is only one person to blame. 9. Poor manners – treat her like a lady. 10. Leaving it too long before you call her – call her soon to confirm interest. 11. Expecting her to call you or to make the decision on where to go on a first date – this is a man’s responsibility. 12. Asking about personal details such as salary – never show any curiosity about this kind of personal information. 145 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
Use all of the above if you enjoy rejection and humiliation. If, however, you want to minimize the possibility of multiple rejections, avoid them like the plague. Whilst you must always try to avoid obvious mistakes, you can draw something positive from almost anything. You may be surprised to know that making mistakes and experiencing rejection can be a positive experience. Yes, it really is true. It just depends on how you look at things. If you view things positively and look for opportunities from all situations, you can derive something positive even when, despite your best efforts, she turns you down and walks away. Read on and I will show you how.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
CHAPTER 21 – THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS TO LEARN FROM “NO” Rejection or failure is a fairly humbling experience and the fear of this can reduce even the great and famous to quivering, blubbering wrecks. It is an extremely powerful emotion, which needs to be understood and used in a positive manner. If channeled correctly it can be of immense value. It may surprise you to learn that many sports stars are driven by the fear of failure, rather than the glory of victory. Rejection comes to us all, at one time or another, but it is how we handle rejection that separates, in a psychological sense, those who swim happily in the sea of life from those who sink without trace. If you have never been rejected in any way, then you must have had a wonderful, though somewhat sheltered, life so far. Understanding a few things about rejection will help you to cope: Don’t assume you are at fault. She may be in a particularly bad frame of mind that day for any number of reasons, but you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You have been the one to disturb her misery. This happens – get over it. Fiona told me about an evening out with a friend who had just split up with her husband. Her friend was in a terrible emotional state and needed a friend for support. The only thing on Fiona’s mind
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks was being that friend. However, someone obviously wasn’t aware of this. “A guy, out with a group of friends, was trying to hit on me and was being very persistent, interrupting a conversation with
a
girlfriend
amusing.
and
trying
to
be
Whilst he seemed like a nice
enough guy, this was neither the time nor
the
wasn’t
place in
the
for
intrusion.
process
of
If
trying
I to
comfort a friend in her time of crisis, I
may
have
responded
to
the
guy’s
charming offensive. I knew that I needed to be assertive with this guy to end this quickly.
I
told him in no uncertain terms that I was
not
interested
and
he
was
being
intrusive. I glared at him as I asked if he could leave us alone to continue our private conversation.
My tone of voice,
as well as the words, told him he dare not venture further. This is a good example of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. As Fiona said, there was nothing wrong with the guy and she may have given him a chance at a different time and place. It was just at this time and place she needed to be there for a friend and nothing was going to get in the way of that.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks Let’s take a look at another example. Christa told me about a time when she was
out
with
some
friends
and
got
talking to a guy called Rick, who she liked.
She had just broken up with her
previous partner and wasn’t looking for male company at the time, but did enjoy talking to him. When it came to say good-bye at the end of the evening Rick asked her for her telephone number.
She listened to her
head rather than her heart and politely declined.
Rick
disappointed.
was
obviously
very
He quickly moved away,
never to be seen again. A few nights later she got talking to a guy called Pete.
It was a very similar
scenario, in that she enjoyed talking to Pete and politely declined his request for her telephone number.
Next comes
the key difference in approach between Rick and Pete.
Pete took this not as a
rejection of him personally, but just that Christa did not want to be with anyone
at
that
exact
moment.
He
realised that they had enjoyed talking to one another and this was a positive thing. insisted
He
told
that
she
Christa take
his
this
and
telephone 149
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks number
in
case
she
wanted
to
get
in
touch at anytime. A week or so later Christa decided that she was ready for a little male company and remembered Pete (she remembered Rick too,
but
number).
did
not
have
his
telephone
She called Pete and they went
out together the next week. The key thing to remember is how to deal with rejection. That is what separates the success stories from the failures. Pete took rejection much better than Rick, so he got a second bite at the cherry. Poor Rick must still be walking around waiting for his dream girl to fall into his arms unreservedly. I am sure it will happen for him, as he sounds like a nice guy, but Pete can expect to get more opportunities because he does not take a polite “no thanks” as rejection. It is the fear of rejection that is the problem. Is it rejection or merely the fear of rejection that causes our brains to crash at the very times we need them to be on full power? Accept and embrace fear – it is as natural as inhaling the air that we breathe. It is our body’s way of protecting us in stressful situations. If acknowledged, understood and used correctly, that rush of adrenalin can be a good thing. Accompanied by a few deep breaths it can thrust you forward to your greatest achievements.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks View fear as something that happens to us all. I feel it, so does everyone else I know.
Everyone you have ever met will
experience fear too. Different people fear different things. Many people have an uncontrollable fear of spiders, whilst others seem to be happy to allow the hairiest of tarantulas to crawl all over them. Some of these are people who have dealt with their fear of spiders, proving that even the most acute fears can be overcome. They are the winners. Those who can understand their fear, accept it, deal with it and come back even stronger, can conquer all. Boxing is a great example of coming back stronger after a setback. Take Mohammed Ali, who is regarded by some as the greatest fighter ever. He tasted defeat and had been knocked down several times in fights, but he was always able to pick himself up and come back stronger after a fall. He faced all his demons and overcame them. That is what made him a winner. The way to overcome your fear is to accept its presence as a natural thing. Feel it, take deep breaths and smash through it in defiance to do what you want in spite of it. Tell it that it will not prevent you from moving forward. Once you have done this a few times you will feel energized at having taken control of it. You will control your life, whilst feeling the fear. You will learn to accept it as part of your life, but not allow it to hinder your growth. Have you ever rejected anyone in your life for any reason? I am sure that you have. I am also sure that the other person got over it and lived to tell the tale. You may now have very good friends who you have rejected in the past. You may have been friends in the first place. The point is that everyone goes through rejection, but it does not mean that you are a bad person or even that the person who rejected you thinks that you are a bad 151 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks person. In a dating sense it merely means that you didn’t hit it off on that particular occasion. You cannot escape from rejection, so learn to live with it. How many times did you fall down as a child? Following your fall, did you choose never to take any risks ever again? What enjoyment would have you got from life if you had taken the safe option and chosen caution over adventure on each occasion? It is the same with approaching women and dealing with rejection.
Don’t take any rejection you experience
personally, but think of each rejection just like all those times you fell over as a kid. Each one is a learning experience, which will help you to develop. Killer Point Those who never risk rejection will be safe, but sorry. Whenever you face an obstacle in your life you have three options: 1. Ignore it and hope that it goes away. 2. Accommodate it into your life, but change nothing. 3. Meet it head-on and overcome it. You can only learn, move on and grow if you take option 3. Options 1 and 2 may make us feel better in the short term because we are not questioning or challenging ourselves. We are hiding in the safety of our comfort zones and hoping everything will work out OK.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks Take your love life. If you try your best to hit on a girl and, despite your best efforts, she makes it clear that she is not interested, you have three options (same as above): 1.
Ignore it and hope that it goes away. Denial. She must be crazy. Pretend that it didn’t happen and carry on regardless. If you are continually facing rejection, but not looking for the reasons why, you must be in denial. If you wake up every morning wondering why that awful girl didn’t fall for your irresistible charms, wondering how things can always go wrong when you do things perfectly, then perhaps you are not looking at yourself honestly. Is it always the girl’s fault when you are not successful? If so, maybe you are not taking responsibility? I know that may sound blunt, but some harsh facts need to be faced if this is you. Move quickly onto point three, take on board the lessons and deal with the issues that are holding you back.
2. Accommodate it into your life, but change nothing. Accept it happened, but it wasn’t your fault. Pass all the blame onto the clothes you were wearing, the lighting, the venue, your headache, her headache, other people etc. You need to take responsibility for your life. It may not always be your fault when things go wrong for you, but it is always your responsibility. Take a fresh honest look at what is happening to you and truly evaluate where you can make a difference.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks Killer Point It may not always be your fault when things go wrong, but it is always your responsibility. The world is not designed to work against you or any other individual. We all start every day with the same likelihood of success or failure. You are the only person who can influence the outcome – both positively and negatively. If you can embrace this reality you should see an improvement in the way you view life and the results you can expect.
This will make you a more
responsible and positive person. Others are drawn to someone with the strength to take responsibility and the magnetism of someone with a positive outlook. 3. Meet it head-on and overcome it. Face up to what happened. Ask questions of yourself. What did you do wrong? What could you have done differently to make the outcome better? Learn from your mistakes and move forward. Perhaps it really wasn’t your fault. If that is the case, as in the example put forward by Fiona, then put it down to a bad experience and move on. The key here is to carry out an honest assessment of events and act on the elements that you can control. Don’t worry too much about those that you cannot influence, just act on those that you can. Be completely open and separate the instances that were caused by you from those that were not. Of those that were down to you in some way, ask yourself what you could have done differently. It could be a case of what you said, how you said it or how you presented yourself.
Only by looking honestly and sometimes
brutally at what you do and how you do it, will you be able to grow and put yourself across in the best possible light. 154 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
Employing this approach can actually transform screwing up into a positive experience. Rather than hiding, pretending that nothing went wrong and waiting until your fragile confidence slowly returns, you can gain an understanding of the things not to do when trying to attract a woman. Only once you have this acceptance and understanding can you take measures to ensure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Killer Tip Screwing up can be a positive experience if you allow it to be. The key is to learn from each rejection you experience. The lesson learned and how it benefits you from that moment on makes it a very positive experience. Another example may help. I remember a male friend of mine, Steve, who
constantly
drew
strength
from
experience he had as a child.
an
He was
quite a talented footballer and one of the best players in the whole school. He
was
always
picked
for
competitive
games and usually won the game with a great break or pass. One day the coach announced the names to take
the
field
in
the
next
game.
Steve’s name was not amongst them. approached
the
coach
to
bring
He the
obvious error to his attention. 155 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
The coach explained that Steve was not present
at
the
last
two
training
sessions and those who had shown up had done
well
and
demonstrated
their
commitment.
As such, they were to be
given
chance.
their
Steve
was
told
firmly that if he wanted to get back into the starting line-up, he had better start
attending
training
sessions
and
working hard. Though
Steve
was
devastated
at
being
omitted he could understand the reasons. He duly returned to training and worked very hard, but it took him quite some time
to
force
his
way
back
into
the
team, as the person who replaced him did very well and did not deserve to lose his place. Though Steve was very upset, this form of rejection taught him never to take anything for granted and that you have to work for what you want - as valuable a lesson as you can ever learn. Steve went through the five-step process of acceptance, understanding, rectification, learning and progression and came out a much stronger individual for it. Another way to look at rejection is to get it into perspective: 156 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
Did someone die? Was a major crime committed? Is anyone’s life going to be ruined? Will you care or even remember what happened in three months time? If all your answers to the above are no, then there is no major tragedy. As such, you really should quickly put it behind you and move on. It clearly isn’t worth wasting any time or energy worrying about it. I can tell you that whatever girl has rejected you will almost certainly have moved on within minutes. She won’t be dwelling on the fact that she turned some guy down. I once ended up being really keen on a guy who I had turned down a few months previously. He told me about the rejection, but I couldn’t even remember meeting him first time around. I had obviously moved on to someone else very quickly.
The Five Steps to Turn Failure into a Positive Experience As a simple action plan, I follow the following five stages to move from a position of helplessness to one of solution and full control, as in the example of Steve, above. Learning lessons from each the five points below will allow you to quickly overcome any failures that you experience and move forward to better times. 1.
Acknowledge. 157 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
2. Understand. 3. Rectify. 4. Learn. 5. Move on. Let’s look at each step in a little bit more detail. 1. Acknowledge. Accept that you have failed or been rejected in some way and take responsibility for this.
Yes, take responsibility.
Don’t be
concerned about what part others may have played, as you cannot control this. Trying will just fill you with frustration. Focus on what happened and accept that it is you who will need to put it right.
It is your responsibility and yours alone.
It is your
responsibility because you are the only one who can put it right. I know that being rejected by someone that you want badly can be tough to accept, but if you can get over this and accept that it is your responsibility you will reap the benefits in the future. Only when you acknowledge that it is your problem, no matter what anyone else has done or said, can you hope to deal with it and free yourself to think about how you can improve for the future. You need to work out the solution to your problem. 2. Understand. Think about the reasons for the rejection and try to understand them and what is behind them. Focus on your actions – what you 158 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks did and how you did it. Again, forget what anyone else has done or said, as you have no control over this. If your date didn’t respond in the expected manner, accept that this is out of your control. Your next date will almost certainly be unpredictable too, but in an entirely different and unpredictable way. You just need the skills and confidence to be able to deal with this. List the reasons why you may have failed. Be totally honest about this. If you are going to shield yourself behind a cloak of denial there is little point in going any further. Be open about the causes. 3. Rectify. Take this list and think about how you can resolve the problem. What can you do? List a solution against each problem. Please don’t expect specific answers to this one from me – I don’t know you, what your problems are or how you acquired them. All I know is that each one is an opportunity - your opportunity to improve. If you take the simple step of listing your problems with a space for a solution to each you will be amazed at how the solutions will come to you. 4. Learn. Simply think about what lessons you can take away to apply in the future.
What have you learned?
To enable you to resolve a
problem you need to have experience of doing something wrong. Take this forward as a lesson in life and apply it for success. It is the future and not the past that you need to be thinking about.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks Look back on what happened with an honest and open mind. Take your list of problems and opportunities, relate these to the errors of the past and put together a plan to eliminate them in the future. As above, if you can drag yourself to the stage of writing everything down, your actions for the future will come to you. Write them down and you are half way to a solution. 5. Move on. Don’t dwell on the negatives. OK, so you screwed up. It happens to us all. Do as the winner’s do, take your experiences and lessons forward to help you manage things better in the future. Whatever the problem was, it’s now in the past. Concentrate on where you are going, not where you have been. Fig 8 is a simple illustration of the above. Fig. 8
Acknowledge
Understand
Rectify
Learn
Move On
I feel OK Unable to control Work on approaching girls, a conversation communication b butt seem to quickly adequately. technique. run out of things to say.
I can never learn From now on my focus is on getting this right enough about effective in the future. communication.
I am not good at initiating conversations
Asking closed questions.
Ask open questions.
Good technique From now on my focus is the answer. is on getting this right in the future.
I lose patience with myself.
Getting frustrated and tongue-tied.
Carry out exercises to improve confidence.
How did I ever From now on my focus survive without is on getting this right confidence. in the future. 160
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 7: Profit from Temporary Setbacks
There is nothing to be gained by wallowing in self-pity. Life is too short to waste time on worrying about things that are out of your control. Treat your time like you would treat your money. Spend it wisely. Spend it on the things that you can influence, such as working through problems, self-improvement and giving yourself the best chance of success in the future, not in fretting about the past. Fretting will add no value. Working out why something went wrong and applying a solution will. Acknowledge that something went wrong and that you, either directly of indirectly, are responsible for it. Understand what went wrong. Put in place a plan to rectify this. Absorb whatever you have learned. Move on with your life. Killer Tip Concentrate on where you are going, not where you have been.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
STEP 8: SEDUCE WITHOUT WORDS
STEP 10 STEP 9 SEDUCE WITHOUT WORDS PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 8
The view as you are about to move up to Step 8 is a sight to behold. You should now be able to see, hear and understand far more than those looking around on the flat plane at ground level. Moving step by step up to this level on the pyramid will have added another dimension to your knowledge and skills. Step 8 will build on this, opening up a further dimension to your expanding horizon of knowledge. So far you have been dealing mostly on a conscious level – e.g. how to make a good first impression, how to hold her interest, physical attributes, personal qualities, preparation, interaction, how every experience can be a positive one etc. Now, however, we are going to look at what happens on a subconscious level, while your conscious mind is concentrating on what you will say and thinking about what she has been saying. 162 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
We have touched on the subconscious previously, but this section is dedicated to the silent signals darting back and forth as we talk and listen. It’s time to let your body do the talking and your subconscious brain do the listening. This will open up a whole new world of opportunity for you. Understanding body language and using it to your benefit will give you a key advantage over other men who are not armed with this knowledge. Whilst they waste energy and time, straining to concentrate their eyes and ears in attempting to work out what the deal is, you will be picking up signals like a finely tuned antenna. It works both ways, you know. Not only will you be reading her signals, but cleverly emitting your own to ensure that she receives only positive signals which tell her that you want her and that you are the guy for her tonight. Effective understanding and use of body language will help you to decode the signals emitted by the woman opposite you and also to allow you to relay positive messages to her brain without her even realizing that you are doing it. This section is divided into five chapters:Eleven Secret Messages Your Body May Be Broadcasting. Eight Ways To Show Her You Are Interested. Sixteen Methods To Silently Seduce. Seven Sure-Fire Signs a Woman is Flirting. Develop Your Body Language Skills. 163 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
CHAPTER 22 – ELEVEN SECRET MESSAGES YOUR BODY MAY BE BROADCASTING From the very first moment you meet a woman you are trading body language signals with her.
You may be stumbling through the first
sentences, but your brain will be instantly processing millions of tiny messages about such things as the way the other person looks, stands, moves, talks, uses their hands and how they respond to what you do and say. The same is true of your partner or partners in this exchange. You can apply and understand body language before you even meet the woman you want to try to win over. There are important things to look out for which will help you separate the women you should approach from those you should not. This is Indirect Body Language. Only when you have done this can you apply what you learn about Direct Body Language – that which applies during face-to-face communication. I will cover everything you need to know about body language from the moment you walk into a room until the moment you walk out the door with the woman you want on your arm. Studies have revealed that up to 93% of information received comes from non-verbal sources. Many questions can be answered without a word passing either person’s lips. Some examples follow: Am I welcome?
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words Does she like me? Is she remotely interested in what I am saying? Is she interested in me in any way? Could I get along with her? This is just a small selection, of course. Body language can tell you so much more, but you need to be able to read the signals. They are many and varied and exist on a different level to the more straightforward spoken word. I will guide you through this maze. Whilst a person’s words will only tell you what they want you to know, if you can read the subliminal signals given out by their body language, it will betray what they do not want you to know or even do not know themselves. For example, certain hand gestures indicate that they are adopting a defensive position. They probably do not realize that they are doing this and perhaps are not even consciously being defensive, but something within is driving it and it is a real reaction. Learn to read the signals of body language and you can use it in a positive manner.
A good understanding will allow you to control what you
transmit, focusing on the powerful positive signals that you want her to receive about you. What you say non-verbally is far more powerful and influential than anything you can say using the spoken word. You can also become adept at reading what is really on her mind. Non-verbal communication bypasses the conscious; the messages are transmitted directly to the subconscious. This is where it needs to go if these signals are to make an instant and lasting impact. When words are 165 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words filtered through our conscious mind they are subject to the scrutiny, prejudice, doubt and current frame of mind of the receiver. This harsh conscious judge awaits all that approach. On a bad day your words can be judged more harshly than on a good day. By comparison, the subconscious mind has no such obstructions. It will take whatever message it receives and silently send it directly to the brain to be stored without question. This is something that can be used to your advantage.
You can ensure that you emit positive signals and thus
guarantee that no matter what the current mood of your female prey, at least something positive about you will be hitting her brain and stored there until make your mind up time arrives. The silent messages emitting from the way you walk, talk, sit, stand, listen, position your hands and everything else you do can be highly influential as to whether the girl you are trying to impress is ultimately impressed or not. These signals can be very positive or very negative. The choice is now yours. You can reach the subconscious of your prey and program in positive messages about yourself before you have even opened your mouth. Without using words, you can say: I am confident. I am in control. I am strong. I am a loving person.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words I am interesting. I am interested in you.
Warning:
Don’t dive in straight after reading this and expect to be a grandmaster at body language. It will take time for your skill to develop fully. Observe what you learn here and let your own skills develop and flourish as part of your own, unique personality.
During the early stage of your meeting what occurs non-verbally can be even more important than what you actually say. What is really important at this early stage is how you say it and whether you are perceived positively or negatively.
At this early stage you must be perceived
positively. This is absolutely essential when she is still making up her mind whether she wants to continue spending time with you. If you are emitting negative vibes during your first moments, you will face on uphill battle from the start. As described above, a multitude of signals will be bouncing back and forth between your subconscious and hers. They will be working furiously in the background trying to decipher all this information and come to some kind of judgment. Your objective is to ensure that the judgment comes out in your favor. Your understanding and command of body language will allow you to ensure that she sees you in your best light. It will place positive thoughts about you into her head without her even realizing, thus making the path to her affections a little easier during your conversations.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
CHAPTER 23 – EIGHT WAYS TO SHOW HER YOU ARE INTERESTED This chapter will deal with the time prior to any communication between you and a prospective conquest. There is so much that you can do to improve your chances of success before you even reach the stage where you actually approach and strike up a conversation with a woman. You can greatly improve your chances by merely observing how women react to your presence. During this chapter I will highlight some of the signs to look out for when assessing the probability of success and some that you can discreetly emit yourself. You can help yourself to narrow the field to only those with a reasonable probability of success. Why waste time on those who are clearly not interested? You will be much better off drawing up a shortlist of those with possibilities. You can then focus your attention on them, thus minimizing any time wasted. Clearly the best course of action is to maximize the time you spend on women you feel you have a chance with. Despite it being a nice, bright sunny day, you may hesitate before diving straight into a pool of fresh-looking water, preferring to put your toe in first to test it. Well, that is all I am advising you to do here – test the water. Test it to give you an indication of whether or not it is wise to plunge in. I have listed some of the things you should look for and how you should behave when surveying a social gathering for potential mates: 168 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
1. Move easily amongst the crowd. Move confidently to give the impression that you are an important part of the gathering. You should aim to give the impression that you know where you are going and what you want. This will get you noticed by as many women as possible, thus maximizing the number of potential mates and your ability to decide which ones you should consider approaching. 2. Maintain an upright, relaxed posture. This will ensure that you come across as a man who is both comfortable with himself, confident and in control.
These are very powerful drivers for
attraction to women. Women are strongly attracted to men who display these qualities. 3. Smile – this is the most positive signal you can possibly emit. As you are walking around limit this to a gentle, self-assured smile. Your most beaming ones should be reserved for when you want to make that special woman feel that she alone can generate such a smile. 4. Glance.
Make a mental note of anyone who glances in your
direction more than once. Most women will be very discreet about this, not wanting you to detect that they have noticed you, but if you look closely enough you should be able to pick out those who may have noticed you. 5. Look around the room frequently, inviting eye contact. At a party or gathering where you are likely to meet new people, scan the room for eye contact with anyone. If it is fleeting, keep an eye on that person to find out if it is repeated. If it is repeated more 169 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words than twice, you have good reason to feel confident that an approach would be welcome.
Eye contact came out top in my survey for the most effective methods of body language (47.8%). 6. Make brief eye contact.
If she holds eye contact for a few
seconds then lowers her gaze to the ground while slowly looking away, this is usually a sign that there is an attraction. If she looks in your direction again very soon after it is even more likely that an attraction exists. If all this is accompanied by a knowing smile, the only way she could make it more clear would be to stand on the table, point at you and shout at the top of her voice, “Come and get me!” 7. Appear welcoming. If a woman pays you a lot of attention, give the impression that you would welcome an approach. Smile, nod your head or make a friendly gesture such as raising a glass if you have made eye contact once or twice. This will signal to her that you are friendly and approachable.
Who knows, she may even
find her way towards you to initiate a conversation. Her reaction to this gesture will let you know whether or not it is worth making an approach. 8. Make positive contact. When the chance comes for introduction, make eye contact and maintain it no matter how great the temptation to look away. Looking away could make you appear weak. Maintain the eye contact, but be careful that this does not turn into a stare that will drill through her like a laser-beam. Hold eye contact for just a bit longer than you normally would to 170 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words confirm to her that a connection has been made. A gentle smile just before you look away will soften your stare.
This will clearly
signal your romantic intentions. Let me tell you about a good trick a friend of mine used to find very effective. If he made eye contact with a girl and was unsure whether or not she was interested, he would employ a cunning trick to find out for certain. After eye contact was made and she was looking elsewhere he would quietly move to another part of the room. He would then stand and observe her, waiting for her to look again in the direction where he was standing previously. Her reaction when she looked and found he wasn’t there anymore said it all. If she suddenly looked around in slight panic, scanning the room quickly, it was obvious that she was trying to find him. He would then know that his luck was in. Just an idea, but he swore by it. Following the above you should now be in a position to know which women are worth approaching and which are not. You could, of course, end up in a conversation with a woman who you thought was not welcoming and find that you get on very well and are encouraged to take things further. This happens, as body language is not a perfect science. The above is meant as a guide before you meet to give you an indication of what to expect. In the absence of direct interaction with a woman it is much better than no indication at all and can provide you with vital advanced information. Use it to your advantage. Every small piece of information that could provide you with either an advantage over your rivals or some additional information about a woman you desire is well worth having. 171 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
CHAPTER 24 – SIXTEEN METHODS TO SILENTLY SEDUCE So, you have made an approach and are stood there, face-to-face with the woman you have had your eye on all night. Alternatively you may have just struck up a totally unexpected conversation with a woman and are keen to make a good impression. After all, with the best planning in the world, these things happen. Whichever way it happens, if you are on a one-to-one you will need body language to work in your favour, as it really can make or break things for you, especially in the early stages of an exchange. Your body language is just as important after the conversation has begun and is in full flow. The subconscious is still pre-occupied with reading those non-verbal signals, even while the other part of your brain is working out what her words mean and how to respond. I am sure that at some time you must have walked away from someone with a bad feeling about him or her that was absolutely nothing to do with what they actually said. This chapter will deal with what you should be doing and on the alert for during your conversation with a woman, particularly whilst you are both finding your feet. The last thing you want is her walking away with that feeling that she is not keen on you but doesn’t quite know why. How should you behave to make sure that she likes you and will want to spend more time in your company? Knowing the answer to this and many 172 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words other questions will help you to ensure that she will remain with you rather than wander off to someone else. You can considerably increase your chances of success by understanding and applying the lessons in this chapter. I will highlight how to spot the silent signals that reveals whether she is comfortable or uncomfortable in your company and some signals that you can discreetly emit yourself to make her feel more comfortable and to promote yourself positively. Whilst you entertain her with your sparkling conversation, you need to be mindful that it is not just about what you say, but more about how you say it. Just imagine someone stood in front of you with no expression on his face, a dull monotone voice and looking straight down at the ground while he talked to you. How long do you think this person would hold your attention? Regardless of how interesting his subject matter was, I suggest that he would not last very long. If, however, the same person had a bright, positive, disposition, expressed himself colorfully, spoke with enthusiasm and looked into your eyes as he spoke, I suggest that he would have a much better chance of holding your attention for much longer. Again, the subject matter would be almost irrelevant if his deliver was as above. Apply all the suggestions below to make sure that you fall into the latter category and be someone who will be perceived positively and be likely to maintain a woman’s attention for longer.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words Confident body language will always win through. Some things you will need to do to ensure you give off positive, rather than negative signals are raised in the points below. It is not an exhaustive list, but one that will help you to prepare for that big night. When she walks in, the one you have been waiting for all these years, you will need to be ready to be at your best. Focus on the sixteen silent signals below to make sure that her subconscious is receiving the message that you are the kind of person she wants to spend more time with. 1.
Stand upright, with a relaxed posture.
Don’t make the
mistake of standing to attention like an army cadet would – this is far too rigid. What you are aiming for is an upright, confident posture. It needs to be one that will make you appear assured, yet relaxed. Don’t hunch or bow your head, as this conveys a closed person lacking confidence. Stand tall, stand upright, stand straight, stand confidently. 2.
Make good eye contact initially. This is crucial in the very early part of the conversation. Don’t risk losing her by not looking at her. Good, positive eye contact early on will ensure that you do not fall at the first hurdle.
3.
Maintain eye contact. It is one worth repeating. Don’t forget eye contact. It is not just for the initial moments, but is crucial all the time. Whilst talking, maintain as much eye contact as possible. Our thought process and how our brains work mean that looking away helps us decide how we are going to string together the 174 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words words in the coming sentences, so it can tempting to look up or away from her to give you time to think. In extreme cases this can mean that you will not look at her at all.
Resist this
temptation and, at the very least, glance back to her every few seconds to retain the crucial, bonding eye contact. To get it absolutely right you should maintain eye contact for about 80% of your exchange, looking away occasionally to allow you both to draw breath. A constant stare will come over as intimidating. 4.
Smile. Smile while you talk and smile at the things she says. It is simply the most positive signal you can give. Please don’t be afraid to smile. It is the one thing that can improve your chances with any women. This is truer than you could ever imagine. All my clients tell me that it is the thing to get their hearts racing. A man who can smile will always be more successful than one who does not – period! One thing that is crucial here is that the smile needs to be genuine. Faking is always found out – maybe not immediately, but you are on thin ice if your smile is not the real thing. A wide, genuine smile is the most valuable weapon to have in your armory. It will tell her that you are thrilled to be talking to her and are enthralled by what she is saying. If you can get the above two points right, you are over three quarters of the way there, as in my survey 76.3% chose either eye contact or smiling as the most effective way to communicate non-verbally. 175 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
5.
Make facial expressions – do you smile, make positive eye contact, lift your eyebrows to express curiosity and interest in what the other person is saying or do you stare glumly without expression, leaving your partner mystified at your true feelings? Making facial expressions when speaking and listening will make you appear more animated and the message received will be that you are interested and stimulated by this conversation. To make no facial expressions will have the opposite effect.
6.
Look relaxed, but in control. This will improve your chances of getting the woman you want. When you are at ease you will come across better and more accommodating to others. Nervousness transmits to others in the same way as positivity – it is infectious, so make sure that the positive vibes throbbing through your being are the only things that you infect others with.
7.
Make positive gestures and movements – do you use open and beckoning hand gestures to convey openness and a friendly nature or do you fold your arms in a defensive position? Be open - be positive.
8.
Touch her delicately. Some delicate physical contact is not a bad idea. Be certain that she is ready for this, though. A light touch on the arm and a nod of the head will show understanding of a delicate matter. A tap on the arm when making a joke or quip will generally make her warm to you. These are more feminine traits, but used wisely they can be staggeringly 176 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words effective when used on women. Few men are skilled in this department and you will stand out from the crowd if you can apply these correctly. 9.
Make hand gestures. You may want to enhance your delivery by waving your hand with a swagger at the delivery of the key word for effect. This works in a similar way to pausing for effect just before delivering the key word. If you are unaccustomed to this style of delivery, be careful not to overdo it. You may want to watch others operate in this vein, then practice before trying it out on a woman you desire. Observe the experts at work and learn.
10.
Give her breathing space. You will risk alienating yourself by entering her personal space. The boundaries of each person’s personal space will differ, but it is generally accepted that if you come within about 18” of someone you will be getting in their face. Have you ever stood talking to someone and felt that they were too close for comfort. I have and it is not a nice feeling. I felt that they were invading my privacy, my personal space, which is my little buffer from the world. It felt very intrusive. We generally don’t pay too much attention to this space as long as no one encroaches the boundary, but the moment someone steps into it, they have found our panic button.
Make this
mistake early on and it could be a very costly one for you. As your relationship enters a more intimate level you will be permitted in, but this comes later when you get to know one another much better and the trust builds.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words As a general rule when first meeting someone, if you are within 18 inches of her you are being invasive, so get out of her personal space! 11.
Open your eyes wide – This will show that you are awake, listening, concentrating and interested in what she is saying.
12.
Lean your body towards hers. This is a positive movement that will signify that you are interested.
13.
Look interested.
Be enthusiastic, show interest and react
positively to what she tells you. Show her by your reactions to what she says that she is the most interesting person in the world and she will show you all the interest in the world. 14.
Nod your head occasionally. When in conversation, a long slow nod when a very important point is made emphasizes that you have taken this point particularly seriously. Be careful not to overdo this one though, you wouldn’t want to become a nodding dog. Used sparingly, it can be very effective.
15.
Mirror her movements. Watch her movements and try to get into the same rhythm.
For example, if she uses lots of
enthusiastic gestures you may want to tap into this and mirror her style.
This will make her feel more comfortable with your
company. Your harmonized body rhythm will silently register with her subconscious that you are her kind of guy. Be very careful not to turn into an outright copy though, as this could offend her. You should aim to subtly tap into her rhythm, delicately copying or aping her expressions to emphasize to her 178 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words that you are in agreement. For example nod your head faster and look more serious when she is telling you about something which she is angry about or feels very passionately about. This should fall into line with her tempo for something of this nature. If she is talking about something sad, then a serious look, a frown and a slower nod works best. For something amusing, a longer series of nods accompanied by a big, re-assuring smile and laugh will bring you on board with her before she knows it. In short, just observe her tempo and stay with it. 16.
Don’t jump to conclusions. Your sister may rub her chin when talking as a sign of nervousness or shyness, but the girl you are trying to seduce may do this when she is thinking or may even have a genuine itch or a patch of dry skin under her chin. Observe her whole demeanor before making a judgment. Does what you think fall into line with everything else about her personality? If she rubs her chin, does she have other nervous characteristics that betray nervousness or shyness?
If not,
reserve your judgment until you know more. Improve Your Own Body Language Keep a check on how you are doing and how you react to certain situations. Are you emitting positive signals at all times? You should look for the following danger warnings, which will tell you that you need to focus and not drift into emitting negative signals: Do not stare – too intensive and comes across as threatening. This will make her uncomfortable in your company – a disaster. Avoid
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words at all costs. What you are aiming to do is hold eye contact for slightly longer than you would in a normal conversation. Do not finger point – unless used in a playful manner, this can be perceived as aggressive.
Avoid unless with a serious dose of
humour and a big, friendly smile. Remove your hands from your hips – if you stand upright with your hands on your hips, swaying slightly forward and staring directly at her you will come across as threatening or angry. Give feedback – are any signs coming from you to indicate that you are listening and have understood? Any facial expression, eye movement or head movement? A nod at the right time helps immeasurably (e.g. when she has just emphasized a key word or phrase).
How to Recognize Her Interest Look for signs that she is enjoying being in your company: She is moving closer - the distance between the two of you is closing. She is interested. A rapport is building. Her movements become more animated – during her periods of dialogue and in response to what you are saying, her gestures and facial expressing become more frequent and animated.
She is
enjoying herself – keep it going.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words She smiles – here it is again. I can’t say it often enough, smiling is the key - the more the better. She raises her head with hand uplifted – she wants to interrupt. This is good news because it confirms that she has listened and has a view on what you are talking about. Let her speak. She slows her pace or pauses – if the pause is for longer than usual then she is ready for you to step in and contribute. This may be accompanied by direct eye contact or a hand gesture to motion you on. This should be viewed as encouraging as she wants to engage in a two-way dialogue. Alternatively, things may not be going so well ……………….. How to Recognize a Lack of Interest She puts her hands up with palms facing you – she could be feeling threatened by you. Her arms are raised in a subconscious act aimed at protecting herself. Are you too close or being too aggressive? She has averted her gaze – her attention has drifted elsewhere. She is losing interest. Do or say something to grab her attention! Her smile is clearly false. You should be able to spot a false one as easily as a shy virgin in a bubbling brothel. If the smile is one dragged up wearily just to be polite it is bad news. You need to do some work to rectify the situation and turn her around so she is smiling for you, not out of obligation.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words Her expression is blank – not listening to you or concentrating on what you are saying.
She is looking for an opportunity to
withdraw from the dialogue. Drastic action is required to draw her into your spell. Try asking her a question about herself. In this situation you will have to make a choice between the following two options:1. Attempt to recover the position. 2. Accept that it is a lost cause and move on to someone new. This will depend on how bad you think the position is. If you feel that it is worth investing more time to try to change things around, the following key points form the foundation of good body language technique, so observe these and you could recover the situation.
Key Points To sum up this important chapter it is well worth re-emphasizing the key points on body language because this unspoken set of signals is often the difference between success and failure with women. If there is one thing you take away from this book please remember the following: Eye contact. I make no apology for repeating myself. Eye contact is absolutely vital. Something unexplainable goes on when eye contact is made between the sexes.
I view it as souls
communicating at a level far higher than our limited minds can comprehend. The chemicals start reacting and if the mix is right
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words the results can be explosive.
Eye contact is what ignites the
reaction, without which the explosion can never occur. Whatever you do, do not look at the floor when speaking to her. This is a bigger turn-off than if you approached her having just eaten a handful of garlic cloves and invited her to smell your breath. So, don’t look at the floor (or eat lots of garlic immediately before approaching her for that matter) but give her the attention she deserves. Look her in the eye when speaking to her. This conveys confidence and signals that your attention is solely on her and nothing else. This is a compliment to her and she will warm to you as a result. Smile. Another one I make no apology for repeating over and over again.
It is so very important if you are to make a good
impression. One smile can blow away a sky full of dark clouds and bring the glorious sunshine into full view. However, you are not reading this book to remove dark clouds from skies to reveal sunshine. You want to be able to attract women. My clients are just about unanimous that a nice smile will make it far more likely that a man who smiles more will have a far better chance than a man that does not smile. Killer Tip Smile more and make good eye contact. I guarantee you will attract more women.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
CHAPTER 25 SEVEN SURE-FIRE SIGNS A WOMAN IS FLIRTING Flirting is such a natural and instinctive exchange between a man and a woman. I am a strong believer that nature must take its course. Anything artificial could ruin what is a beautiful and fun mating ritual. What I will do is take you through some typical flirting rituals to help you recognize them and have more fun when participating. When I talk about flirting I do not mean the sledgehammer game of lip licking, kiss blowing, bosom adjusting or any other such cumbersome signals employed by some women. These will be spotted a mile off - even by the shy virgin at the brothel. What I mean is the gentle, loving, sexy, almost undetectable signals hinting that the girl you are looking at could be attracted to you. They are telling you she wants you without having to make it blindingly obvious to everyone else. It is a game for two, and two only. They are the signals that will betray her true feelings. She clearly wants them to betray her feelings without actually having to say so. Most of these are linked to body language, hence their inclusion in this section, but in reality flirting covers the whole spectrum of man/woman interaction. It can occur between any two people, at any time, anywhere – from people who have never met before to elderly couples who have been together for most of their lives. It can occur on the bus, at the bowling
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words alley or at the shopping mall. It can occur in virtually any form, covering anything from silent, knowing signals to overt exhibitionism. Some of the signals you should look out for to confirm that she is flirting with you: 1. Head slightly bowed or tilted in a coy manner, with eye contact lasting just long enough to be significant. 2. Large pupils. 3. Slow, gentle, warm, half-smile. 4. Leaning towards you. 5. Playful, teasing manner towards you. 6. Contributing to playful nature of the game. 7. Any reaction in response to your flirting. If she is playing the flirting game, your best course of action is to play along and have a little fun. The beauty is that you don’t even have to say anything, but merely respond to her gestures. A little nod or a raised eyebrow is sometimes all that is needed to beckon her. She will quickly confirm to you whether you are on her hit list. Once the game has commenced and you have had a little fun, look out for the following clear signs that the time could be right for you to move in for the kill:A brief smile, clearly aimed at you. 185 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
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She makes eye contact for a few seconds, looks away, and then quickly makes eye contact again. Tilting her head when smiling or during eye contact. Looking seductively at you over the top of a glass with her head bowed. She takes the opportunity to walk past you and glances over her shoulder at you as she does so. A first look followed by a pause, then another sheepish look. Ever so slightly, but unmistakingly, leaning towards you when in a group. Accidental physical contact (e.g. lightly brushing against you) followed by an embarrassed “Oh, sorry”, accompanied by a knowing smile. When talking, if she touches your shoulder, hand or arm it is a sign that she is reassured in your company and comfortable talking to you. Turning towards you more than once in a group and looking as if she wants your opinion. Playfully challenging your position in a conversation indicates that she is interested. 186 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
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She may ask for help or advice and demonstrate her attraction by how impressed she is with your response. Sometimes nothing ever comes of flirting. Certain women just enjoy having a bit of fun with no intention of going any further. If that is the case, so be it.
The fact that some women enjoy just teasing causes
annoyance to some men. If you do come up against this type of woman and are uncomfortable with her, you are best moving quickly onto someone else. You will not change her, so just be sure not to fall for her tricks next time you meet. Don’t despair, though. Continuing to play the flirting game should bring its rewards. It is good fun and there could be a prize waiting for you at the end of the game the next time you play.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words
CHAPTER 26 – BODY LANGUAGE THAT ATTRACTS THE MOST WOMEN The best way to become proficient with the use of body language is to observe the experts. By experts I mean those you see who are obviously good at it. Those who appear to get the reactions and results that you would like to get. If you see a guy hitting on all the babes and getting them to eat out of his hands he must be doing something right. There are reasons why he is so successful and it is not normally down to looks. Watch and learn. You can pick up much about the right way to do things by closely watching these men in action and being humble enough to admit that you can learn something. Another way to look at it would be that you are stealing their secrets. Whichever it is for you, look, listen and observe – it will be of great benefit to you and your future success rate with women. You can also learn from those who you do not think are very good with body language. If you see a guy hitting on the girls and clearly having a hard time, he must be doing something wrong.
By observing and
recognizing what exactly it is that he is doing wrong, you can work out what not to do when you make your own approach. Firstly study the people you meet who come across as very positive. Not for what they say, but more for how they project themselves. If you just know that this person is a success at whatever he or she does before you even hear them speak, all the better. If it is a man and he seems to be a 188 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words magnet for women, study him closely. Watch what he does and how he does it. List the things that make him stand out from the crowd. Do not base your observation on one person, but observe several individuals to achieve a balance. Closely observe the following: How they stand – upright, head straight, confident? How they walk – striding confidently with head up, brightly observing surroundings? How they talk – not the words they actually say, but how they say them. What effective facial expressions are being used? List all that apply and appear to generate a reaction. How they smile – how do they make use of smiling? Do they smile a lot when they talk? How they listen – how are they demonstrating that they are attentive? Do they nod? Do they lean forward? What facial expressions do you observe? Their pace of delivery – are they speaking assertively and deliberately, allowing time for their message to be digested or is there an infectious enthusiasm attached to each word? How much eye contact they make - measured, powerful, commands respect? How much eye contact is there? How long is it maintained for before averting their gaze temporarily?
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 8: Seduce Without Words What gestures they use– what does he do with his hands? Is he making open gestures? How is she responding? Does this appear to make her feel more comfortable? Do the same for people who appear not so proficient with their body language. Analyze how they are different from the magnets above and list the reasons why they do not appear to be getting the same reactions and results. This should give you a good idea of how to get it right and how to get it wrong. Sorry again to those of you who expect quick fixes with no need to put any effort in - practice makes perfect. Your powers of observation will help you equip yourself with all the information you need to improve your understanding of effective body language. Your commitment and resolve will ultimately determine how successful you are. If you want it badly enough it is within you to get it. Besides, it’s fun to practice.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
STEP 9: ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT TONIGHT
STEP 10 ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT SEDUCE WITHOUT WORDS PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 9
For a number of reasons Step 9 is one where many fall. You will not be one of them. You are approaching the summit and it is a long way back down. Read on to make sure you continue upwards and onwards to get what you want. You have spent all your time and energy trying to put yourself in a position to make a good enough impression to make her desperate to see you again. If you have learned well and applied everything that has gone before, you would be very unfortunate if she still didn’t care for your company.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight Assuming that the vibes are positive, you will now need to pluck up the courage to pop the question.
For some this appears to represent the
world’s greatest ever challenge. All possible positive signals have been emitted, yet the magic words will simply not come. I know women who have done everything except hold up a placard with 12” high letters saying, “Please ask me out on a date”. So you need to know what to do and what to say? No problem that is what this section is all about. Read on as I take you through the awkward period at the end of the evening when someone has to make the first move. How do you pitch it so she can only say yes? All will be revealed. Assuming that all has gone to plan you will need to follow-up with a call. Theoretically this is the easiest part, as you have her telephone number as proof that you have already won her affections, right? Don’t you believe it! It is still possible to blow it. Communication over the telephone is a different ball game entirely and one you will need to handle carefully. Fear not, I will guide you through all these situations and how to negotiate them successfully. I have split this section into four chapters:Four Ways to Increase Your Chances of “Yes”. Right and Wrong Methods of Asking For a Date. Six Steps to Bring Her Back for More.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight Five Ways to Make Her Want You Now. Read through these and apply the lessons to enjoy the end part of your evening with the woman you have come to desire. Handle this part of your exchange with cool confidence, consolidating your image in her affections.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
CHAPTER 27 FOUR WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF “YES” When make-your-mind-up time approaches, there are ways to give yourself the best chance of a successful, positive conclusion. These are especially important when you are unsure if things have gone well and you do not know if you have managed to do enough to win her heart. It is important to leave her with something to think about, something to ensure that you remain at the forefront of her mind. If you have come this far and are feeling positive, then you have a very good chance of seeing this woman again. However, as always, there are still opportunities for things to go wrong if you are not careful. Follow the four suggestions below to make certain that she cannot say no if things are still going well. 1. Build up Positive Dialogue.
When the end of the evening
approaches you will want to be on a positive course. You need to be thinking of this well in advance. You will know when the time to part is getting closer. The closer it comes, the closer you should be to ensuring that your subject matter is positive. Anything negative will be registering in her mind at this time and could influence the thoughts you leave her with, shifting the balance towards the negative.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight With this in mind make sure that your conversation is about something positive in the moments before you part.
This is
important, as it will build a positive picture of you for her to consider in your absence. 2. Keep Something Back. Plan for this stage, making sure that you have some positive things to say before your good-byes. The worse thing is awkward good-byes.
They leave a sense of
emptiness and doubt. If you are able to smile and make her smile close to the end of a date the signs are good. What I am saying is don’t put all your eggs in one basket earlier in the evening only to be left wringing your hands in trying to think of something suitable to say later on when it is absolutely crucial. Keep a little something back for the end. 3. Always End on a Good Note. A good way to part would be to make her laugh, make a good point in the conversation or impress her with some information that fascinated her. A bad way to end would be to outstay your welcome, run out of conversation or do something silly and leave in embarrassment. Time your departure so it coincides with an interesting or entertaining part of your evening. 4. Get Your Timing Right. Wait until she is smiling or interested in a particular topic before you ask for her telephone number. If she is happy or focused on you, then she is far more likely to feel that she wants to receive a call from you. By comparison, asking in the middle of a long silence or series of stunted conversations is inviting rejection. 195 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
Timing is everything and can mean the difference between an acceptance and a rejection. Get it right and it will be difficult for her to say no. Killer Tip To make sure she thinks positively about you, always end the conversation on a good note. Remember, the last impression is the one that stays with her. If you can make this positive she will remember this when you call her. When she takes the call, the most recent memory of you will be a positive one. This will be at the forefront of her mind and could tip the balance in your favor. It could determine the difference between a “yes” and “no” answer.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
CHAPTER 28 – RIGHT AND WRONG METHODS OF ASKING FOR A DATE I am afraid that this is the man’s job. I agree that it would be nice for you if the woman volunteered to take responsibility for this and asked you out. I am sad to say that overwhelmingly, my clients have made it clear that it is the man who should make the moves when it comes to asking for a date. She will expect to be invited out, so don’t wait for her to do the inviting. It is not going to happen. My survey revealed that 100% of women thought that the men should do the inviting out. How do you end this initial dialogue in a manner that will give you the best chance of getting her telephone number and seeing her again? By this point you should have a good idea of whether or not she actually enjoys being in your company. If she has spent half the evening yawning and looking at her watch, then it would be safe to assume that you should resume your search elsewhere. Alternatively, if she is looking dreamily into your eyes and sighing at your every word, you can take that as an encouraging sign that she may want to see more of you. Alas, most women do not give off such exaggeratingly positive or negative signals. She may play hard to get, prefer to hide her true feelings or simply still be making up her mind about what she thinks of you. The ending is crucial. It is make or break time. If she has not made up her mind, this is a key point where your actions could swing things in your favor. It is a bit like a poker game, where you do not know the strength of 197 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight your opponent’s hand. However, regardless of this, if you play it well, you could end up with your head in the clouds, but play it badly and you will be down in the doldrums. This is show time. It is time for the final yes or no. Whatever the situation, even if you decide you do not want to see her again, please read on. I’ll take you through the best way to end a date. You are after one (or both) of two things: Her telephone number. Date and time to meet again. If you have had a great time and everything has gone to plan, then either one of these should follow without too much effort. She will be dying for you to ask! If you arrange a date, that’s great. You have a positive outcome. If you only have her phone number, then you still have some work to do. Signs That She is Interested in You When standing there about to pop the question, the following is a good guide to the give-away signs that reveal whether or not she is interested. If she displays any or all of the following you are in with a good chance:Her pupils dilate. She makes lots of eye contact.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight She twirls her hair, whilst looking at you with a slow, gentle smile. She plays with her shoe or other item of clothing whilst looking at you. She blushes slightly. She tilts her head and smiles. So where does she want to go on a date? Where can you take her? When asking her out, don’t say, “Are you busy on Saturday night?” Society has programmed us to put on the pretence that we have a busy social calendar and pretend that we could not possibly make it at that short notice. Using the word “busy” is almost inviting her to say no, when she may prefer to say yes. “Would you like to go out with me one night next week?” would be a good start, or “Would you like to go out for a drink with me one night next week?” This will allow her to answer the more direct question, which is: “Would you like to go out with me one night?” She can now either say yes or no and you will know where you stand. You can deal with the details of where and when once you have an acceptance in principal. Get her to say “yes” in response to something before diving in and specifying time and place. She is more likely to be free one day next week than she is on any specific day. Once you have agreed that she is free sometime next week you can work out the details.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight Killer Tip When asking for a date, get a small “yes” first. I mentioned going out for a drink specifically because my survey showed that 64.3% of all respondents went to a bar on their first date. These all developed into relationships following their night in the bar, so it seems simply going for a drink on your first date is the best thing to do. Alternatively you could make use of any information you may have picked-up from previous conversations or eavesdropping (e.g. what she is interested in, what she likes to do in her spare time, what hobbies she has, what she has always wanted to do but never got around to, etc.). You could mention that you are going to do something connected with one of her interests and invite her to come along (e.g. she may be interested in Spanish cuisine and you have found out that a great new Spanish restaurant has just opened in the next town). This could work to your advantage if she is not quite sure about you. It could tip the balance in your favor. Rather than just being invited out with you, she is being invited to come along to something that she is interested in. Something that you know she will enjoy ……….. with you. If in doubt stick with the drink in the bar option - it is a proven winner.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
CHAPTER 29 SIX STEPS TO BRING HER BACK FOR MORE After your initial meeting, great conversation and exchanging of telephone numbers, you will need to follow-up. This will normally mean that you will call her.
There are right and wrong ways to
approach this too. I remember one guy called me about two weeks after I reluctantly passed on my number. He asked if I wanted to go out with him that evening, as his friends were all on dates and he had no-one to go out with. I hope I do not have to tell you what my answer was. Let’s assume that you have done a great job so far, having swept her off her feet, obtained her telephone number and impressed her so much that she is putty in your hands and cannot wait to see you again. You still need to decide how long to leave it before getting in touch and what you will say when you call her. I always thought that about two days after getting a telephone number felt about right. It seemed that this was long enough for a guy to demonstrate that he was not overly keen, but not too long, so as not to appear disinterested. I was completely astonished to discover the truth. I have talked to all the women that I know who are currently in successful relationships (that’s a lot of women) and asked them how long did their current boyfriend or husband leave it before he called. I was amazed to find that 62.5% called within twenty-four hours. Remember, these are women in successful relationships, so the tactic of calling this soon must have worked.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight Killer Tip Call her next day and your chances of a date increase. The principle reasons why calling her within twenty-four hours is a good move are as follows:No mind games – she will probably be relieved that you are not playing mind games with her. One theory is that you should leave it a few days to keep her guessing, but if she really likes you she won’t want you to play these types of games with her. If she is keen on you she will just want you to call and invite her out. The fact that she has passed on her number means that she expects a call. The sooner you call the better. Enthusiasm – by calling the next day you are demonstrating that you are keen to see her again. She will be pleased that you don’t need several days to make up your mind. You have called at the earliest possible time, so she will have no doubt that you are keen on her. Flattery – everyone likes a bit of old-fashioned flattery. Go on, admit it, I bet you do too just like the rest of us. When someone pays us a compliment we all feel a few inches taller. If you call her the next day this is exactly what will happen to her. She will think, “He’s called already. He must really like me”. You are paying her a compliment. This will feed her ego and make her feel good about herself. Mutual feelings – if you like someone and make it clear, it is likely that the other person will feel the same, if only for the reasons of flattery and ego. If you have complimented her and 202 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight made her feel good by calling early, it can only work in your favor. Making any woman feel good will significantly increase the chances of her liking you.
Of course the content of what you say to a woman is important if you are asking her out, but just as important, if not more so, is the way you say it. This is especially important over the telephone, as your gestures and facial expressions are redundant. It is all about your voice and words - nothing else. You need to sound happy to be speaking to her, very keen to see her again and convey a positive frame of mind. This is not always easy to achieve over the telephone, especially for men, as their vocal range is not as varied as a woman’s. Men vary their tone much less than women and can sound flat and monotone without meaning to. You will need to bear this in mind when talking to a woman you would like to invite on a date with you, as it is very easy to get it totally wrong when speaking remotely. You have none of the facial expressions, hand gestures or other expressive body language to help you out.
Six Tips for Getting a Date Over the Telephone 1. Imagine she is in front of you. For some people it can be difficult to speak with genuine warmth, enthusiasm and feeling when talking into a plastic handset. However, when you are asking a girl to come on a date with you these are the exact emotions you need to convey if you want her to accept. If you do find it difficult, try to imagine that she is sitting there, right in front of you. Use the hand gestures and expressions you would if she actually was there.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight A man’s voice normally sounds flatter than a lady’s over the telephone. Using the hand gestures and imagining that she is in front of you will help you to vary the tone and make you sound more friendly. 2. Speak Up. If you tend to speak quietly make a conscious effort to speak up. This will make you sound that little bit more eager over the telephone. A quiet, flat telephone voice comes over as lazy and unattractive. Speaking up will make you sound like you genuinely want to talk to her and are keen to see her again. It will also give her a much better chance of hearing what you are saying without having to ask you to repeat anything. 3. Use her name. Saying her name a few times during your conversation will make her feel valued. This can be looked upon as a verbal version of a comforting touch.
Be very
careful not to overdo it, though. Hearing your name repeated every third word can be as irritating as someone prodding the back of your neck repeatedly with a pointed stick. 4. Smile. Yes, that’s right – smile! Again! When talking on the telephone, if you smile your voice will automatically rise slightly and change in tone to make you sound happier. It helps if your smile is a genuine one. You may want to think about how you enjoyed her company when you last met and how much you are looking forward to meeting her again. You could even visualize a very happy or amusing event in your life just prior to dialing her telephone number. This will generate a warmth from within which will come across as positive.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight 5. Get to the point. Don’t spend ten minutes engaging her in idle small talk. She will know why you have called and will be waiting for you to ask. The best course of action is to briefly ask how she is, tell her what a great time you had when you were together and that you would love to see her again. 6. Get off the Phone. If she accepts tell her how pleased you are and that you are really looking forward to seeing her again. As above, don’t hang on the line making polite conversation just for the sake of it. You have your answer (hopefully the desired one). Confirm your meeting arrangements, tell her how much you are looking forward to seeing her again and then get off the line. The only exception is if she initiates further conversation or makes it clear that she wants you to stay on the line and chat for a while. Otherwise, the golden rule is to keep it positive and keep it brief. If you have played your cards right up to the point of following up with a call you should have little difficulty in persuading her to come out with you on a date. Providing she has had no reason to suddenly go off you in the time it takes to call, it really is easier to win than lose. But please bear in mind, especially with telephone communication, that the pitfalls are there and need to be avoided. Call her within 24 hours and follow the steps above to get a date on the telephone and you should not go wrong at this final stage.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
CHAPTER 30 FIVE WAYS TO MAKE HER WANT YOU NOW So we get to the question of physical attraction and genuine affection. This is where women usually get confused and where the exasperation kicks in. As you have read earlier, woman are more attracted to a man’s personality, whereas men are attracted, initially at least, by a woman’s appearance and sex appeal. A man will do anything to try to impress the woman he is attracted to. He will try to make her feel like she is the center of the universe, the only woman who has ever existed or the most beautiful and important person he has ever met. The problem here is that just as you guys will assume that us girls think like you, some of us girls will make the same crazy assumption – i.e. that you think like us. We can be foolish enough to assume that you are interested in us for our personalities. Big mistake on our part, I agree. I would agree that just as you are doing now, more of us women should learn as much as we can about you guys and what makes you tick. That way we would understand that, in most cases, the man will be attracted at first to looks. Unfortunately, when you see the girl of your dreams out one fine evening you cannot make the assumption that she has researched how men think and how she can communicate better with the opposite sex. She will probably have no knowledge of how you think. No, she will probably be like almost everyone else, too wrapped-up in her own little world to have put much thought into how the minds of others work and how to make the most of a man-woman encounter. 206 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
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So, armed with all your newly acquired knowledge, it is up to you to take the lead in this situation. You have to show a bit of understanding, as well as self-restraint. Based on what we have covered in previous chapters about the different criteria used by men and women to arrive at their judgments, it doesn’t take Einstein to work out that a woman’s mind works much differently to a man’s. When a man shows interest in her she will assume that he actually likes her for what she is. She will think that he is interested in her for her personality and that he just likes being with her. She will assume that the interest is romantic. That is the way most women think, so a woman will make the assumption that every man we go out on a date with thinks that way too. In reality, as women down the years have found very much to their cost, most, but not all, men are more interested in the physical side of things much earlier. It is a timing issue. Men are generally interested in the physical side much more quickly than women. Men can often be ready to move things onto a very intimate level very quickly, whereas it is normally more of a gradual process with women. He will do his utmost to win her attention and impress her early on and is doing this because he wants to have sexual relations with her. Meanwhile, the woman mistakes this intense attention for genuine affection. She assumes that if the man is physically attracted to her then it automatically follows that he likes her and will want to have a relationship with her. It is when this anticipated desire for a relationship does not materialize that the major misunderstanding arises. The man’s position may well be that he did not indicate at any time that he wanted a relationship. It was 207 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight just two adults enjoying each other’s company, then going their separate ways. This may be the case, but it is worth appreciating the woman’s perspective beforehand and the hurt that this can cause. If you have any feelings for the woman in question, take things at her pace. If she has her eyes wide open early on and clearly wants to get physical, then there is no problem if you both decide to go down this route, but just be careful if you want to avoid damaging what could be a beautiful long-term relationship or friendship. The man may say that he knows when he is attracted to someone and doesn’t want to wait.
The attraction is usually instant and instant
gratification is often sought. She, however, will probably feel intellectual and emotional attraction first. She will feel close on a different level, a more personal level. As these attractions develop into a deeper bond, a physical, sexual attraction will build. It is then that her physical attraction has grown to the stage where she will want to move ahead with this side of the relationship. If you are impatient to satisfy your desire you will be more likely to push things before she is ready. This may cool her interest, as her own desire has not yet had the chance to develop to a point where she is physically attracted to you. This needs time. If she is still at the intellectual or emotional stage you will be rejected and any attraction building-up inside her will be extinguished. To succeed in winning her heart, patience will be rewarded if you wait until she is ready to begin a physical relationship. The less pressure she feels under, the more quickly her feelings will develop.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight The growth of her attraction towards a man and desire for him will often be a slow one. It will mature slowly over time like a good wine. Worry not, please. We are not talking the same periods of time as for wine. Don’t think you will have to wait the same several years that your bottle sits in the cellar. It should be much quicker than this, but a similar maturing process nonetheless. As lovers of wine well know, whilst a cheap bottle of red will do the trick if you just want to get in the mood for a party, a good vintage is always worth the wait. Follow these five steps to make her want you now:1. Listen to her; hear what she says. 2. Validate her feelings and re-assure her. 3. Be patient in building the emotional and intellectual side of your relationship. 4. Wait for her physical feelings towards you to slowly build women have a longer attraction cycle than men, so it will take longer to develop a physical attraction. 5. Wait for clear signals that she is ready to move things onto a physical level.
“How will I know when she is ready?” I hear you ask. “What are these clear signals?” Well, if she dives on top of you, starts tearing your clothes off, purring breathlessly, “I want you now, you ravishing, irresistible beast”, that would be a good sign that she is ready to move things onto a physical level. 209 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
On a serious note, whilst the above may be an ideal scenario, in reality it will, of course, depend on the type of woman you are dealing with. Some may well suddenly pounce on you as above, but most won’t. The average women will be a little more guarded than that. She will want to take a bit more time. When she is ready she will show you in other ways, so in the absence of the tearing your clothes off scenario, the following would be some typical signals: More affectionate towards you. Closer physical contact. Increase in the number of loving touches. More eye contact (especially accompanied by tilting of the head and smile). More softly spoken. Sighs of contention These signals will be present in varying degrees, depending upon how forward or shy she is, but if she displays some of these signs it is reasonable to assume that she could be ready to move onto the next level. The next question is, do you wait for her to make the first move or do you take the initiative? Many women regard it as a golden rule that the man must make the first move in any physical relationship. To do otherwise would render them no better than a loose woman. This comes from the way many of us have been raised by our parents and elders. 210 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 9: Ask for What You Want Tonight
This is a deep, ingrained indoctrination, so it looks like it is over to you again to call it right for when to move in to claim your prize. You need to look for the signs and act on them. Too much delay could cost you dear. For example, it may be the case that it has taken a little time for her desire to build and she has finally made up her mind that you are the guy for her. The attraction she feels has developed to a high level. The volcano is now close to eruption and she is ready for you. She has done everything short of tearing off your clothes, but you still won’t come forward to take your wild flower. This is dangerous. Leave it too long, ignoring all her signals and she will think that there is no desire for her on your part. If she feels like this her fires will quickly burn out, the volcano will return to an empty, smoking ember and you could end up in the trashcan with yesterday’s ashes. Timing is everything. Don’t jump in too soon, before she is ready. Don’t leave it too late or the flame may have burned out. Just like many other areas of uncertainty - let her be your guide and you should not go wrong.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results
STEP 10: ENJOY THE RESULTS
ENJOY THE RESULTS ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT SEDUCE WITHOUT WORDS PROFIT FROM TEMPORARY SETBACKS INCREASE THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS MAKE YOUR FIRST CONTACT MEMORABLE PREPARE IN ADVANCE - TO GUARANTEE MORE WOMEN ALLOW FOR SPECIAL DIFFERENCES WITH WOMEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN MAKE WOMEN DESIRE YOU
The Seduction Pyramid - Step 10
So there it is, you are finally stepping up to the summit of the pyramid. I have attempted to pass on what I know to help you become more successful in your pursuit of the opposite sex. I hope that you have enjoyed the journey, but more than that I hope that you have learned many valuable lessons along the way. The lessons should make it easy for women to fall for you and make it difficult for you to fail. I am now confident that you have the tools at your disposal to reap the rewards of your labor. Get yourself out there amongst the girls and set about sweeping them off their feet with your knowledge of the love game, of women and how to win. That is all that is left now – for you
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results to apply what you have learned, displaying your skills and putting your knowledge to good use. However, I know it is not easy to just get out there and be instantly transformed into a new you, especially with those who know you well. Perhaps you feel that such a drastic change in your approach won’t be immediately and automatically accepted. Perhaps you don’t feel able to apply this new approach without testing the water first. If you are concerned about this, I can fully understand. It is entirely natural to have a few reservations when making such a change to your approach in this area. Some guys will take longer than others to get themselves into the right frame of mind. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know. If you don’t yet feel totally comfortable with applying all your new tricks on women who are familiar with you, a good idea is to practice on those who do not know you.
Find someone (perhaps from a
neighboring town) who has no preconceptions about who you are or where you are from. Be your new self for her. If you did happen to fumble around at the first attempt, there will be no real damage, as you are unlikely to meet her again. You may want to try www.lady-killing.com/women or www.ladykilling.com/girls to quickly and easily locate someone. You can search for free and I always find it interesting to look at local towns and see if anyone I know is listed – often there is. Who knows, you might even find the girl of your dreams there. If you do, all she will ever know is the new, confident you – the guy who knows his way to a woman’s heart.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results You have learned the way to a woman’s heart thanks to your perseverance in completing this course. During this time you will have enhanced the following within yourself:Personal Qualities:A positive attitude to approaching women. Increased level of confidence about your chances of success. Lack of fear about the outcome. How to conduct yourself in a manner that will attract women to you. Appearance and how to make the most of what you are. Practical Techniques:The right way to make an approach. Preparation to maximize the chances of success. How to deliver compliments for maximum effect. How to make a great first and lasting impression. Killer tips to help you succeed. Knowledge:What women want from a man. What women do not want from a man. How to read, emit and receive the silent messages of seduction. An understanding of the power of your words and how to carefully select these for maximum impact and influence. Learning from your mistakes so you win every-time, even when you have been unsuccessful. When and how to make a move. The results you will enjoy are a product of the above. You need never again stand in the corner and admire from afar.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results conviction. Those who stand back and admire are destined to watch someone else walk off with the queen of the prom. You don’t have to do that anymore because you are now very well equipped to enter the action zone and give it your best shot.
Enjoy that power and
confidence. Enjoy the fact that most other guys are hesitating while you move in, knowing exactly what you want and how you are going to get it. You might not succeed every time, but when you do you will know why and how to repeat it. You can now enjoy rather than dread playing your part in the flirtation/dating ritual.
It really can be one of the most delightful
experiences imaginable when acted out properly. With all the above in your armory you are now perfectly placed to play a star role and derive immeasurable pleasure. So make the most of it, treasure it for what it is and what an overwhelmingly positive impact it will have on your life. Make the most of your success and appreciate your good fortune at being with all the wonderfully diverse women you are destined to meet. Bask in all the glory it will bring and in the warmth of the many lovely ladies who await you. Your enhanced skills will result in you meeting many wonderful and beautiful women in the future, not all of whom you will find romantic success with. But be sure to enjoy them all. Cherish whatever time you spend together. Bathe in the glow of their radiant smiles, allow their joyous laughter to warm your heart, marvel at their uniqueness and be thankful that they are there to offer so much. Taking this positive approach will enhance both your success rate and your enjoyment of life, making it a pleasure whatever the outcome of your efforts. Make your friendship a pleasurable experience for her 215 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results too. Treat her like a lady and she will feel like one. The better she feels, the more she will want to give. I very much hope that the mystique has been blown away, because at best it is an illusion; at worse an imaginary barrier constructed by our own insecurities. We like to build barriers. If we didn’t do this I suppose everything would just be too easy.
Without the constant
challenges we all have to overcome, the meaning of life question would probably have been answered centuries ago. But the challenges are a reality and the question of the meaning of life is for those who chase rainbows. Maybe they will get there one day, but I will leave that to them. I have written about something tangible, which can change lives. They are real issues, where I can see how guys can be helped with just a little insight from someone on the other side of the fence. The view has always been fascinating from over here. You now have an advantage over me, as you have seen things from both sides. You are very fortunate, much more so than most men. Make sure that you use it to your advantage. I have written about an area of life where some additional knowledge and improvements in technique can make a massive difference to the lives of many men (and indirectly to at least as many women). I hope by now you realize that the Casanova’s do not possess some magic aura or mystical potion that has been passed down the generations. They are just blessed naturally with a particular set of skills - skills that can be acquired by you. What I have written cannot provide solutions for all the ills of all the people. After all, we are all individuals who think differently, act 216 Copyright e-Perpetual Ltd 2004
How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results differently and have the widest possible diversity in opinion and perception. With this in mind I do not expect for one minute that the suggestions offered provide an explanation or solution for everything and everyone. What I envisage is that each person will take my suggestions and apply those that are most applicable to his own unique set of personal circumstances and unique personality. I picture you all going away with your individual perceptions and applying the lessons most applicable to you in your own way. The key message must be that you should always be genuine. Always be you - that will be good enough. Please note - to gain full benefit from this book you will need to recall as much of the information provided as possible. With this aim, I suggest a very effective technique I have perfected over the years. I call it the total recall technique. If you read this book once and never re-visit its pages, you will be able to recall only about 25% of the information in the longterm if you are lucky. However, now you have read the book once, if you quickly scan through, picking out and highlighting the points which made most impact on you, re-visit these within 24 hours, again within a week, again after a month and finally after six months (this time reading the entire book through once again), the majority of what you have learned will be committed to your long-term memory. You will then be able to recall far more of the things you have learned when you really need to. All I ask is that you highlight what has had most impact on you, review these points three times in the first month and then read the book again after six months. Doing as I ask will allow you to recall at will more of what you have learned, thus maximizing your chances of success. A very small investment of your time is required to achieve this. Now you have
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How to be a Lady Killer. Step 10: Enjoy the Results come this far, I suggest that it will be a very wise and rewarding investment. The information in this book is designed to help you enhance your chances of successfully dating the girl of your dreams. You are now equipped to make this happen. You should now be confident that it will happen for you, so go make it happen. As a parting shot I just want to remind you that, above all, dating should be fun. As I have covered at length, you need to have the confidence, understanding and technique. The ability to do the right thing at the right time won’t harm your chances either, but if you can be happy, relaxed and have fun in your pursuit of Miss Right, then you will be successful. Heeding the lessons and suggestions put forward, you can expect success. You have always had the right to expect success, now you have the qualities, skills and knowledge to make it happen. Good luck and, above all, have fun.
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How to be a Lady Killer. Resources
RESOURCES
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